Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Other Christmas Qualms.

I work at Wegmans. Before that i worked at Five Guys. Both places play music throughout the day. From the day after thanksgiving to january 1st, they play christmas songs. lots and lots of christmas songs. not a single non-christmas song. I've already gone over frosty. I have plenty other things to say about some other songs.

1.) "We wish you a merry Christmas."
Who was the lyrical genius who wrote this first verse of this song? "we wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas, and a happy new year." Brilliant. Must be 'lil John. "WHAT?!?!" "OKAY!"
Onto the second verse.
"Oh bring us some figgy pudding, Oh bring us some figgy pudding, Oh bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it right now." My theory of 'lil John holds up here... this is very thug-ish. Could also be frosty with his broomstick.
"We won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, and bring it out here." Now it's 'lil John and his posse. Awesome thing to teach children. yay christmas.

2.)" My Favorite Things"
WeggyWorld plays this song constantly. When on earth did this song become a damn christmas song? This has to be one of the worst songs in the history of songs. I have a whole list of worst songs in the history of songs but i'll get to those at another time. But in all fairness, when the chick from the sound of music sang it, it worked in the movie, so i'll give it that.... but that's all. this is not a christmas song.
let me outline some of whoever wrote this song's favorite things.
1st verse - raindrops on roses, whiskers, copper kettles, wool mittens, brown paper packages.
i like wool mittens, but i wouldn't classify them as one of my favorite things. Good beer, a favorite thing. whiskers, not. That ice you used to be able to get at captain D's thats shaped like rabbit shit, favorite thing. Copper kettles, not.

i'm not even into the second verse and i'm tired of looking at the lyrics to this song. so i'll condense... after 2 more verses of stupid favorite things, it gets to the chorus. which talks about him getting bitten by a dog and stung by a bee.... all he does about it is think about these stupid things and he feels better. right. thinking about white dresses and blue satin sashes make me feel better when a bees stabs me with his ass filled with poison. what a crock.

3.) "I'll be Home for Christmas"
This is a good song, but it has one minor flaw... actually is a pretty big flaw. The whole song talks about being home for christmas, but you find out in the end...."if only in my dreams." The writer even says "you can count on me." .... apparently not. think about it... i'd be pretty pissed if i made food for you and a place at the dinner table and you didn't show up cause you were only talking about being there in your dreams. F You.

4.) "I'm getting Nuttin' for Christmas"
Wow. Kill me now. This kid's voice is seizure-inducing.

5.) "Rudolph"
Now let me first say that this is a classic and one of the songs i have to listen to at least once every december, but there are a few things abuot this song that worry me. For example, the reindeer. What kind of parent teaches their kid that it's ok to make fun of someone if they look different unless they do something really important. Reindeer are A-holes. Just goes to show that you should never make fun of the greeks and dweebs cause they'll eventually be your boss. Just look at rudolph. he has a red nose and now he's "the most famous reindeer of all."

6.) There's a song that plays at the Weg, i've never heard it before, but i have caught a couple of the words of it... and it just cracks me up. "Snow! I want to wash my face and hands in snow." hahaha, what an idiot. do you know how cold that would make your face and hands? not to mention that snow isn't quite the cleanest thing you'd want to wash your face and hands in.

7.) "Silver Bells"
Raise your hand if you've ACTUALLY heard silver bells playing around town.

Didn't think so.

ok i'm done ranting for now.

First Entry.

seeing as how this is my first post on here... and i really don't have an intro into the whole "this is my blog" thing, i'll just get on with what i've been thinking the past few days.
I call this "An Examination of a Popular Christmas Song."

Frosty the Snowman. The lovable snowman we all fell in love with as children, hoping that our snowmen would come to life and sing and dance with us. but upon hearing this song about 5 billion times at the WeggyWorld, i have found some disturbing things about this so called snowman. Apparently, he was a jolly, happy soul... i think not upon further review.
"Down to the village, with a broomstick in his hand, running here and there all around the square, saying catch me if you can." First of all, why does he have a broomstick in his hand... this seems a little too "i'm going to beat you with this broomstick"ish. Maybe if it was "with a broom in his hand" it would be harmless. i think not. Secondly, he was running here and there saying catch me if you can. all this with a broomstick. maybe he's running from the cops...wait... he is!
"He led them down the streets of town, right to the traffic cop, and he only paused a moment when he heard him holler stop!" so he was running until the cop said stop. So not only is he a thug with a broomstick... he's a fugitive. yay frosty.

Then frosty gets out the jam enough to address the kids once more...
"But he waved goodbye, saying don't you cry, I'll be back again some day."
Sounds an awful like the "i'll call you" line that guys give an ugly girl after a heavy night of drinking. (walk of shame anyone?) But seriously... you think frosty ever came back? you never hear about it...
So in conclusion, frosty is a thug, fugitive, and a liar. Great morals for a kid.

I'm not even going to start with the whole "thumpity thump thump" part. Snow does not make a thump sound.

More analysis of christmas songs to come...