Snewo divad

I'm Too Sexy for my Socks.

2011-11-16T20:53:00.001-05:00

I am really picky about my socks. I have a few favorite pairs that I like to wear. When all of my "good" socks are gone, it makes me very unhappy. The sad truth about socks is that every style that you will ever love will no longer be in existence when you realize how badass they are. Good socks last for longer than they are on the market. Every single pair of socks that have stood the test of time for me and continually find themselves "in the rotation" I cannot find in stores or online. All of the sock companies have new styles of socks and you can't find your badass socks that you fell in love with, so you have to buy socks that are similar to your badass socks. The problem is that these phony badass socks get stretched out in about a week and you are left wondering why your beloved socks aren't made anymore! The whole sock market is awful.

This begs the question.. Do I risk buying a large amount of possibly badass socks in the store on the chance that they will remain in the "good socks" column for years to come? If they turn out to be great, long-lasting socks, it's a good investment (cause i'll never be able to find them again). The chances are slim though.

Luckily for me, there is a happy ending to this story. Just this past weekend, I FINALLY found one of my favorite styles of socks online, and purchased 18 pairs. So I should be set for a while. Yay to new socks!

I Have Another Blog!

2010-10-12T23:48:00.002-04:00

Yay!

Check out the new blog I have started with my girlfriend HERE! Already 1 post by yours truly!

Enjoy!

Angry, Hateful People.

2010-04-28T14:32:00.001-04:00

It seems like everywhere you go, you are confronted with people who are so miserable with their own lives that they take it out on everyone and everything. These people are so "glass half empty" that it's kinda sad for me, cause they don't effect me in a way that i assume they want. For example, at the Weg's last week, there was a customer who essentially yelled at me over a 4 cent difference between the price on the tag, and a price on a sign that someone forgot to change. I told him that the price was $2.18, not the $2.14 on the sign that is changed manually. I really wanted to just hand the guy a quarter and go, "there you go sir, now you're ahead..." but alas, I did not. I simply told him that i'd make sure he got his $2.14 price up at the register.

There are only 2 reasons to get your panties in a twist over 4 cents.
1.) You live on a REALLY fixed income...
2.) You have nothing better to do with your life than to haggle with someone about it.

In the end, the whole situation gives me a good laugh and makes me appreciate how freaking awesome my life is that i can shrug off so much negative energy. I've got a great family, awesome friends, and I'm making money... so what do i have to complain about? Not much really... I'm in a great stage of life where everything is looking up and vile human beings will not and cannot ever change that.

With that in mind, I would like to point everyone to a blog a wrote in 2006 when i was 22. You don't have to read (or re-read) this blog, but i would like to point out the comments section. I'm still getting comments about this post 4 years later by anonymous people who are really just looking to incite a reaction out of me... It's really amusing. I actually feel different now about how beer pong should be played, but that's beside the point... the point is that someone either searched google for "beer pong rules" and made their way to my blog, or someone is just trying to piss me off via anonymity. Either way I think it's awesome that they are spending (read: wasting) their time to comment on a 4 year old blog post.

So... to all you haters commenting on my beer pong post... Keep it up... it's really entertaining to me (and other people i assume).

P.S. How awesome is the picture i found for this blog? Google images wins... first picture under a "angry people" search.

Failure to Communicate.

2009-09-06T22:39:00.002-04:00

As i was surfing the webs, i went through my bookmarks for "Blogs" and saw an update of my now "cousin in-law's" blog about her honeymoon something hit me. I saw the links to other people's blogs and how how "fresh" the latest post was... I looked down the list and saw mine on there with "5 months" and thought to myself... "man, it surely hasn't been that long at all." But then i figured it out where the disconnect in my brain came from....

Facebook and/or Twitter.

Don't get me wrong, I check to see updates about every hour, every day, and have mountains of pages to catch up on when i take a break for a day, but there is something erosive about having a "status update" readily available at ANY moment in my life... With being able to check facebook from my phone basically anywhere and anytime, any thoughts or (usually stupid) jokes that pop into my head get directly translated to my friends and family via facebook or the occasional "tweet." After a while, an idea i have for a blog ends up being shortened into a 140 character one-liner and doesn't get the previous thought and planning as it used to. Generally for a post on this blog in previous years, i would at least have 2 or 3 previously thought up "jokes" or "ideas" that would pertain to a certain subject, but now for the instant gratification, i can post it up on a status update, and my parents, brother, or maybe even a sister-in-law, or sister in-law-in-law, will inevitably click that all so addictive "like" button and make that little red conversation balloon in the bottom right hand corner of facebook light up.

Have I been reduced to one-liners and non-thought out posts pertaining to "what are you doing?" in 140 characters or less? maybe. Will i make an effort to hold out on any ideas i have and let them stew a bit to see if i can come up with a post for this blog? We'll see. The last thing i want to do is say "I promise to write more on here" because in another 5 months, i'll be looking at Vanessa's blog again and see that my blog has yet to be updated from this post.

So... I encourage you and all your friends to take some time out, write a well thought out, longer than 2 sentences statement and share what really makes you tick or floats your boat, cause its definitely more interesting than the infoless status updates that take up so much of our time.

What Price Fame?

2009-03-31T01:14:00.002-04:00

A couple months ago when i was working at the Weggy, this magazine was for sale, and I just could not let it go. Apparently OK! Magazine hires monkeys to edit their COVER. What price fame? I think i heard someone say this at China Inn when i was ordering my kung pow chicken the other day. Now there's nothing wrong with someone who's primary language is not english to speak like this, because let's face it, more people in the world speak Chinenglish and other forms of English than what i consider American English. But the cover of an American magazine has "what price fame" as its bold print, attention getting headline... come on guys. It reminds me of throwing a beautifully written essay into one of those translators online. They spit out the words, but it's just all wrong. My suggestion to OK magazine is to figure out "What Price Hire New Editor?" Am I crazy for thinking this is ridiculous or am i just being too harsh? Did anyone else see this magazine and find something wrong about it, or was it just me?

Round Shoelaces.

2009-03-02T11:58:00.002-05:00

I can never get round shoelaces to stay tied for longer than an hour... why the fuck do they still make shoelaces round? I know they seem like they are better choices than the flat ones which can get twisted... but the flat ones don't come untied... so what gives?

Stupid round shoelaces.

25 Random Things About Me.

2009-02-07T22:05:00.002-05:00

1.) I have a blog which i love when people read, but i usually don't know who is reading it. But i tend to neglect it for a few months on end, then bang out 4 or 5 quickfire the next week or so. I have a lot of ideas of future blogs, but just need to sit down and spend the time to make them funny/witty/or generally interesting (i think) for the readers (which mostly consists of my family). If you read through the archives, i'm sure you will find a few more than 25 interesting things about me.

2.) I am really cocky and self-centered. I usually think i'm better than you at everything, and most times i'm right, but i don't have the heart to tell you and i feel bad for even thinking it, but it's just how i see things. When i'm NOT good at something, I will always say so because i can't stand to be worse at something than you, so i take away the ammo you have against making fun of me for it. You can usually witness this if we're playing beer pong or quarters... the combination of alcohol and a stupid little game i'm good at is a recipe for Cocky Jeff to make an appearance. Just ask anyone who's played beer pong with me.

3.) More than anything, i strive to be funny. Nothing makes me happier than making someone who i think is funny laugh. This is usually a good thing, but i know will bite me in my ass big time at some point. In fact, I KNOW it will ruin a few job interviews, I just can't help myself when the joke pops in my head. Most of my jokes fail, but i love those jokes as much as the ones that actually are funny. Quantity breeds quality in the field of humor. When you tell 100 jokes, a few of them HAVE to be funny. That's just how i roll.

4.) I am AWESOME at counting.

6.) I have never tried weed. Don't really plan on it either, unless it becomes legal (which i doubt). And I've never done any other illegal drugs either.

7.) I love to drive. We going somewhere? I'm usually driving. This is for a few reasons: I usually feel like other people aren't paying as much attention on the road as me as a passenger, therefore i spend a lot of time stomping on the imaginary brake pedal on the passenger side. Also I usually know where i'm going, and when i don't, i have Carmin Garmin with me to solve those issues quickly.

8.) I am still very addicted to fast food. I get great pleasure out of french fries, JBC's, Quarter Pounders, and Stuft Grilled burritos. If i am hungry and a fast food commercial comes on, I usually end up wanting that for the rest of the night.

9.) I used to be a really picky eater, but now i am (usually) willing to try most anything. Sushi? sure why not? Zucchini? awesome... pile it on. Broccoli? Sounds good to me. Oysters? I think i'll still pass, but good guess though.

10.) I can put down some Dr. Pepper. Ever seen Forrest Gump? Yeah, it's that bad.

11.) I could watch tv all day and all night and have a great day. If i turned all the time i spend watching tv to study time, I would have a 4.0 in college (I don't).

12.) In the same vein as #2, I'm smart enough to know who's smarter than me, and that can help me from making an idiot of myself.

13.) I'm not an english major, but i like it when your grammar is correct. There, they're, and their is not hard to get right. Too, to, and two, too. And for the last fucking time, it's spelled TOMORROW, not tomarrow.

14.) I have a tattoo of VT on my ass cheek. Haven't told anyone yet, but it rules.

15.) I ALWAYS lie about #14 on lists I create just to have my mom's heart skip a beat (I don't have a tattoo mom, so don't call me and ask if i do).

16.) The only thing i would change about my dog Avery is that she pees and poops in the house. Other than that, she is a perfect dog to me. And quite honest, if i was more vigilant about exercise, discipline, then affection, this problem would probably disappear. I need to walk her more often, but usually end up doing stuff like #11.

17.) I love Virginia Tech and Blacksburg more and more as time goes by. Even when i was at the point where it didn't look like i was going to graduate from here, I still felt like a Hokie. It holds a special place in my heart and always will. If i ever get a tattoo, it will be a VT (but not on my ass).

18.) I like to think that my music tastes are broad. I at least like 1 song from every genre (even rap... thank you white boy Eminem and his posse, D12). My only criteria is that you have some form of talent backing what you are doing. Nickelback does not have talent, therefore i don't like them.

19.) I've always wanted to try stand-up, but have never had the balls to actually write down my jokes. Writing them down is the first step. Getting up on stage is the next step... can't even get past the first step... maybe one day....

20.) Life is boring without music. I don't understand how people can ride around in their cars not be listening to music. How do you do that? Someone please explain.

21.) I wish i could thank everyone who helped me get to where i am as a person, student, friend, uncle, brother, son, and fiance.

22.) I miss high school. Most people say they hate high school, but i enjoyed every second of it. Talent show, running track, (being skinny), hangin out with the 4 amigos... hard to beat.

23.) I need to play guitar more. I'm at the point now where i don't get any better. I'm stuck where i'm at musically, and i need to kick it into high gear if i'm ever going to get any better. Playing less than once a week is terrible for my fingers, and they hate me for it.

24.) I have the best parents in the world. I don't know how people survive without them. If i screw something up, they'll tell me it wasn't smart, and fix it for me. For example, overdrafting my bank account ALL THE TIME. "I hope you enjoyed that $35 JBC, don't do it again."

25.) Finally, thank you Jessy. Without you, I would have NEVER been back at school. I'd still be working overnights, my knees would be hurting, and i would never get to see you and my fantastic dog. There are other things in this life that you given me, but nothing compares to what you have done to inspire me to better myself for me. Don't stop.

Pull in Emergency.

2008-10-01T11:22:00.002-04:00

In my recent bout of hospital visits, i came across something i had never really seen before in my daily life. Even though i saw them, i did not make particular note of their presence other than the fact that they are there. What i'm referring to of course are the numerous "Pull if you need help" red strings that litter every single bathroom of a hospital.

In fact, I didn't give them a second thought beyond "oh hey, they are there," until my brother pointed out that they were in fact, very interesting. So interesting that i should write a blog about them. So, lets take a trip into the land of over-examination of mundane things for a bit shall we?

I understand why these things are actually in place... anyone who has a brain can figure out why a hospital would need such an item. But from my count, each bathroom has at least 2 of these, and some of them have 3. Very strategically placed. One within reach of the crapper, one within the shower, and wherever else you can't reach from there. This is a good thing... i mean... who wants to be stuck on the John and realize that they can't get up without assistance (pretty awesome that if the tp runs out, you can probably pull for some more of that too).

What i don't really understand about this whole deal, is that these pull strings are in the public bathrooms too, not only in the patient rooms. Why would someone who is using the public bathroom need emergency assistance if they are in the public bathroom? If i were a patient, i would be using my own freaking bathroom in my room. I can understand having these things in the bathrooms closest to the ER where you're most likely waiting for someone to see you and you are in fact injured or sick or something... but in the place where dad was, it seemed that anyone coming to visit a patient would just use the patient's room, or they'd be healthy enough (in the case of an emergency) yell or call for help where someone would hear you.

I really think that this is just a bit overkill in the system though... If you're in a hospital, and you need help in the bathroom, it would be much easier to get help than say a walmart bathroom. Imagine if you slipped and busted your face in the bathroom at walmart... THEN i'd want a pull string every 3 feet. Cause who the hell knows if you're ever going to be found in the bathroom of a walmart, slowly bleeding to death from the open wound on your head... they hide bathrooms like they're trying to keep people out of them.

So dad, i'm glad you are better, but it's time to install some emergency pull strings in the house... who knows when someone at the OBB is going to need assistence in the bathroom.

The Traffic Circle.

2008-09-07T20:24:00.002-04:00

Few times in history has VDOT ever improved traffic flow. Our infrastructure is too old for the volume of cars (we all know this, anyone who doesn't needs to move away from the boonies). There are so many "bad intersections" that I hate to run across in my travels in my car, and most of the time, i tend to avoid these intersections. We all have our preferred routes to take when going places, and mine tend to follow the mantra of "avoid shitty left turns." You know the turns i'm talking about. Where the planets have to align for you to be able to cross the street without saying "hold on" to your passengers.

But in recent times, I have noticed a few changes to the traffic patterns that have vastly improved some of these "bad intersections." Most notably is the traffic circle that VT installed on the intersection of West Campus Drive and Washington Street. Before this traffic circle was installed, it was impossible to turn left onto Washington Street between 9am and 7pm. Before this, buses would be stuck at this intersection so often, that they hired a traffic cop for rush hour. Well, not anymore. You can read about it and see a picture here.

Another surprising change in the traffic patterns in Blacksburg is the removal of the street light from the corner of Washington Street and Draper (this is farther down on Washington street off campus). Most of the time, waiting for this light was pointless because there was never any cross traffic. The 4 way stop that is in its place is much more efficient in keeping traffic moving and i assume it has reduced the number of accidents at the intersection.

Finally, in something that i can only call sheer genius, to get to Blacksburg, I drive about an hour down 66, hang a left onto 81, and 3 hours later i exit. Normally when I exit, it's 55mph on 460 to get to campus. But in the past month, the gods above have smiled down upon us and raised the limit to 65. That's right ladies and gentlemen... they actually RAISED the speed limit on a road. This is the same road that one of my friends got a ticket for going 75 down the hill when the limit was 55 (even after i WARNED him not to speed on 460). What amazes me is that people still drive 55 on this road. Even when the speed limit was 55, people NEVER drove 55, they all sped. Now that it's 65, i find more people actually driving 55, than anything. Appartently I was the only one that got the memo.

Shower Power.

2008-09-01T20:20:00.003-04:00

Jess and I moved into a house in Blacksburg. It is 3500 sq feet, and I love it. The yard is large, it's close to Lane Stadium/Campus, and it's 120 years old. I've only found a few things that i can complain about it.

I have written about showers in the past. When i originally wrote that post, i thought i had distinguished all of the possibilities for terrible showers. Apparently i was wrong. In this house, we have 2 bathrooms. One that goes with the master bedroom (our room) and the "public" bathroom downstairs. In our bathroom, there's a bathtub. Unfortunately we forgot to actually look INSIDE the shower curtain, cause we probably would've noticed that it does not actually have a shower. Shower curtain, but no actual shower. Just a tub. So... it's baths only upstairs.

Downstairs there's only a shower. The shower is 3 walls of flimsy metal, so that if you barely tap it, it sounds like thunder. The 4th side is obviously the curtain. The floor feels like smooth concrete. The water takes about 5 minutes to get warm... I hypothesize that the reason for this is that the water flow is so slow, that it takes that long to get to the shower. When i say low flow... that does not even begin to describe the water that comes out of the shower. This shower is the airport faucet of showers. With those press down buttons that slowly (read: very quickly) rise up and shut off after a few seconds so that no one floods the sinks. That's what it feels like to shower in this bathroom.

So my choices are taking a bath, or showering in an airport faucet shower...

Hamlet in His Younger Years.

2008-07-21T15:37:00.003-04:00

"To be... or not to be.... that is the question."

Why I Hate Nickelback.

2008-04-30T17:29:00.006-04:00

Nickelback is a terrible, terrible band. They don't bring anything to the table that interests me. Their talent is almost non-existent. All of their songs sound the same, if not identical. This might seem like a pretty big statement, but I HAVE PROOF. After seeing this video years ago, it confirmed what i have thought about them all along. That they use the same song over and over with different words.

It's worth noting that there was some editing to make these songs fit together, for example, slight tempo change so that they line up. Other than that (from what i can tell), everything else is in tact with the two songs (key, general composition, aka chorus, verse etc.).

You can make up your own mind about them, but my mind is set. Maybe i was swayed by this video, maybe not. Either way, i never really liked any of their crap anyways... this was just the nail in the coffin.

P.S. I stole this original picture of Nickleback from here. Be sure to enlarge the picture at the top of this page to see my photoshopping (read: MS paint) skills.

The All American Hokie.

2008-04-25T04:30:00.004-04:00

I have been thinking about how proud i am to be an American recently. And I haven't really come up with anything too brilliant. In fact, I am having a hard time thinking of anything that makes me FEEL like a true American at all. After 9/11, all of us had that instantaneous rush of patriotism... well, I know i did. But after that, the patriotism kinda just fades back into the background. I'm not saying that i DON'T have pride for my country, but just that in a daily routine/life, being an American doesn't really roll into my head all that often.

I began to compare my pride for being an American to my Hokie Pride. On a daily basis, I am reminded of what it is to be a proud member of the Hokie nation. Even before April, I have had very strong feelings of being a part of the family here at Tech. Whether it's riding the bus to class with other students and 1/3 of them are wearing maroon or orange, or just taking a few seconds while walking to class to stop and admire the Hokie Stone on the buildings. Not to mention the football, basketball and other Tech sports.

Everyday when i'm living my normal life, there are constant reminders of being a Hokie in blacksburg. It's on the cars, it's in the stores, its on people's shirts, it's everywhere. Most stores have some sort of Hokie paraphernalia in the windows, for sale, and some stores even have Hokie-associated names (Hokie House (which is a bar), Hokie Hair, The Gobbler, Beamer's Restaurant). My point being that I feel the Hokie spirit everyday, but the American spirit? It doesn't feel the same.

While i was in the shower, i had a thought... What if my pride for being a Hokie is just a big part of being an American... like America is a big pie, and i'm just having the Hokie piece. So my question to you guys is, what makes YOU feel like an American?

TV Marriages That Wouldn't Work "In Real Life."

2008-04-22T17:58:00.006-04:00

As i was watching tv the other day, i began to take notice of the many families that are portrayed in sitcoms and tv in general. To be more specific, I was thinking about all of the fathers of these sitcoms and the beautiful women that they end up marrying. Even though sitcoms are fictional, as are the characters, i feel like putting each of these characters together is unrealistic, even in a fictional setting. So I'll start with the character that sparked this idea, Homer Simpson.

Homer and Marge Simpson: After years and years of watching this show, I've seen how every week Homer seems to screw up something and ultimately jeopardize their marriage in most episodes. In a normal marriage, this would not fly. People who continually think for themselves first, then apologize when they realize how they've been acting generally don't stay married for very long. I can draw plenty of commonalities between this line of behavior, and the more serious behavior of spousal abuse. Moments of selfishness followed by apologies do not pan out in the long run.
The personality gap between Marge and Homer is so great, it amazes me that Marge's love for Homer keeps them together, because in real marriages, love alone wouldn't keep a wife from staying married to a Homer-like person. And that's exactly how this marriage is staying together, by Marge being so blindingly in love with Homer.

Peter and Lois Griffin: Peter and Lois are so similar to Homer and Marge, that i could almost cut and paste the entire paragraph above. Most episodes, Peter ends up doing something that jeopardizes the marriage, and then ultimately apologizes and gets forgiven for his sins. The only difference is that Lois isn't quite as nice as Marge, so i find this marriage to be less likely to be true in the real world. Lois is a much stronger woman, so i feel like she could "toss aside" Peter easier than Marge could.

Doug and Carrie Heffernan: The King of Queens eh? I doubt it. While Kevin James does indeed rule, I don't believe his character in this sitcom could've EVER gotten Carrie. In almost all of the episodes i've seen, there's been a problem between the two, and neither of them want to be around each other. Carrie is ALWAYS mad/upset/pissed/angry at Doug, and I don't see how they can survive. It seems like a hellish life to live being in a relationship where it's ALL drama and dysfunction. Drama and dysfunction are manageable, but not everyday like the sitcom implies.

Carl and Harriet Winslow: This show (from what i remember) was more about the relationships between the parents and the kids, and the kids and Urkel. Nonetheless, i think Harriet and Carl probably wouldn't have gotten together in the beginning. Carl is hard-headed, and Harriet is strong willed. Like the previous 3 husbands, Carl is also "big-boned," which is surprising, because he is a cop. Don't cops have to run and stuff? Anyways, the way that the two interacted with each other makes me believe that he would've had a hard time picking her up.

Ray and Debbie Barone: The thinnest of my list here, Ray is really just a bafoon. He and his "fed up wife" (as imdb.com says) live across the street from his parents. This really wouldn't be that big of a deal if the parents were easy going and nice, but they're not. They are terribly annoying and a huge stress on the marriage. The biggest problem of this marriage IS the parents. If Ray had ANY sense, he would move away from his parents and SAVE his marriage. With an overbearing mother bearing down on his wife day in and day out, the marriage seem to me to be on the rocks. I would think that most couples who end up living within walking distance of their parents are going to have some problems that stem from said parents.

Now while most mothers and fathers might take offense at my observation about their beloved sons and daughters, i think if they examined their own marriages and placed their parents next door or across the street, they would see my point. I love my parents, but i'm not too sure moving next door is the best environment for a marriage (sorry).

I also want to point out that even though i have doubts about these husbands and wives, their idiosyncrasies are what makes the shows entertaining. It creates drama and laughs, and that is what TV is all about. I like these shows (even if just a little bit) and they wouldn't be the same if they were all functioning loving families. No one wants to watch a show where nothing happens. So be thankful that the marriages are as crazy as they are on tv and hope that none of that travels over to your real life.

A Few Changes.

2008-04-22T17:25:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure if this will affect my previous posts, but i've changed around a few things administratively on this site, so hopefully it will all go un-noticed from your viewpoint. If there are any concerns or problems, please contact me and i'll try to fix it.

Just One Small Problem.

2008-03-27T22:15:00.003-04:00

There is a small problem with this commercial. And that problem is the word "again." Let's assume that everything in this commercial is "true." For instance, there is a substance called "high speed" and that there is a lab of rats could actually get into it, and that they would in turn become super fast.

Assuming all of that is true, the first technician says "The rats got into the high speed AGAIN." This implies that the rats have gotten into the once before. This creates 1 of 2 different outcomes. 1: They have already slowed them down once before, so they already know how to do it... or 2: The high speed didn't speed them up nearly fast enough the first time that it would be a problem.

#1: The technicians would have already dealt with this problem once before(or would be able to find someone who has). Even though it might be a problem, they would not be as clueless as they appear to be in the commercial. The white guy in the commercial says "We could give them DSL?" in a dumbfounded manner. I feel like one of the 3 of them should have at least an IDEA of what actions to take.

#2: If this is in fact not the first time the rats have gotten into the high speed, and they didn't fix the problem the first (or more) time(s), that identifies a major problem for Comcast. Their high speed was not enough of a problem the first time, which implies that it's not that fast in the first place. They can handle the rats the first time they get into the high speed, but it takes AT LEAST 2 doses of it to make the rats go haywire.

Technically speaking, this commercial is completely unbelievable (with respect to logic). I feel like this commercial would be 1000x better if they didn't use that freaking "again." I haven't seen any other fallacies with their other commercials, but i'm sure they're just around the corner.

My Food Blog.

2008-03-23T16:53:00.002-04:00

For those of you that don't know, I tend to "bitch" about my food very often. Just ask anyone in my family. But through my constant bickering and such, they have all told me that i could be a food critic, even with my limited food vocabulary (aka, i am a picky-ish eater, and i usually order the same thing every time).

Even though most food critics like eating varieties of food, i feel that with me liking a small number of foods, it can actually HELP me with comparing and contrasting different restaurants. In scientific terms, having a narrow food tastes is like having a "control." If i order chicken fingers at every restaurant, i can objectively rate each restaurant from the differences in that one item. In contrast to rating spaghetti from A and burgers from B... which is kinda like comparing apples to oranges. I am going to compare apples to apples, and oranges to oranges.

So without further adieu, I am launching my new food blog today with a rating of Olive Garden from which Jess and I visited last night. You can find it at www.Foodinthefastlane.blogspot.com.

Enjoy!

Clothes I'm Never Going To Buy... Part 2.

2008-02-27T19:01:00.002-05:00

Before i start this post, i want to refer you to my first clothing post. Now i don't want you guys to begin to think that i am becoming a fashion critic, because let me assure you, my fashion sense is far from being valid.

But, as i was browsing a few clothing sites, i came across these three beauties. From the looks of it, it's just a collared shirt, but it seems to have bleach dripped on it in a random pattern. I don't know what the person who designed these shirts was thinking, but i'm pretty sure that bleach stains are a bad thing. If i saw someone wearing this shirt on the street, i would assume that he is a complete moron because he doesn't know that bleach stains your clothes.... well that or he's colorblind.... or completely blind (not that there's anything wrong with that).

According to all these "hip" clothing stores, the way to make "cool" looking clothes is to find some way to slightly destroy them. Well Aeropostale, A&F, American Eagle, Gap, and Old Navy take note, because i'm going to go ahead and give you a brand new idea to push to all the high schoolers of America... the next new fad in fashion.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the newest trend for this summer line, brilliantly placed cigarette burns! Be the first to own the latest trend in hot-ness. Paris Hilton can be seen around that glass table with her rolled up dollar bill in her brand new Marc Jacobs CB Jeans! (Side Note#1: I had to google "designer jeans" to find a jeans company other than levi's)(Side Note #2: I was originally going to say "Dolce Gabbana" until i searched to figure out how to spell it. For the other men out there like me, they do shoes, not jeans)

On a more serious note, if any designers of clothing happen upon this blog, take a word of advice from someone who doesn't know much about fashion. Making clothes look like they are pre-ruined is a dumb idea... really dumb. Also, making them cost $58 originally is retarded.

Cars.

2008-02-07T21:45:00.001-05:00

"I can't complain but sometimes i still do." - Joe Walsh
I've had my new car for 10 months now... Plenty of time to figure out all the benefits and pitfalls of my car. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my new car, but being me, I feel the need to have something to complain about, even though its really nothing to be complaining about. While i'm at it, i'll go ahead and throw in things i miss about the old Gustermobile. But i'll start with the new gustermobile, so here it is, the list of things i'd change.

1.) Radio: I love the radio in my car, but there is one weird thing about it. When i put on a cd and turn on random, the song has to finish for the random to take effect. In other words, if you try to get a new song on random by pushing the track forward button, it just goes to the next track, not another random track. Most other music players that have a random function lets you get a new random song every time you hit the track forward button, but not mine.

2.) Headlights: I prefer to drive with my lights on all the time because it helps my silver car be seen in dusk conditions. It's just safer to drive with your lights on all the time. The only problem with this is that my car doesn't automatically turn my lights off. Granted, my old car didn't let me do this either, but a lot of cars have this feature. Even my mother's 7 year old hyundai elantra turns off her lights for her (and has probably saved her a few batteries in the process). I still have to manually turn my lights on and off.

3.) Dimmer Switch: Most cars have a switch that you can dim your interior lights. On most of the cars i've seen, this switch is a manual wheel. My switch is in my instrument panel (you twist the odometer toggle button). Since my odometer is digital, so is my dimmer. The problem with this is that the step between full brightness and the next step down is huge. When i drive during the day, i have to turn the the dimmer on full brightness, because the next step down is not bright enough for me to see how fast i'm going. This wouldn't be a problem, except when i drive at night, full brightness is WAY too bright and i feel like my instrument panel is blinding me. So depending on the time of day, i have to adjust my dimmer to fit the time of day. Adding to the pain in the ass-edness of this, i have to reach through my steering wheel to get to the switch... which isn't very safe while i'm driving (granted it's safer than removing the keys of the car while the car is still rolling to unlock the glove compartment to listen to the radio, right tom?).

4.) Locks: In most new cars, when the car starts moving forward, the car doors lock themselves. It's just safer to keep your car doors locked while you're driving around. I try to keep them locked at all times when when i'm driving, but i have to remember to lock my door.

5.) Locks (cont.): Since i like to ride around with my locks on, it would be helpful if when i pulled the handle (to get out of the car) it would unlock. VW and Audi does this great. You pull the handle twice to open the door. The first time to unlock the door, the second time to open the door. One of the reasons for this is that someone gets upset when i don't unlock the door fast enough for her to exit the car. But that's another blog. Moving on...

6.) Gas door: My gas door is on the passenger side... kinda inconvenient, but at least i can actually pump gas into the car.... WOO HOO!

7.) Aux input: Last, and well let's face it, least. Important that is... is the placement of the auxiliary input for my ipod/mp3 player. It's right in the middle of the radio, so the cord that comes out of the radio is all over the car, as opposed to where everyone in their right mind puts their ipod, in the cupholder/cubby hole to the driver's right side. It would've been better to put an input jack somewhere closer to where the ipod is going to lay.

Now I'll go over some of the things i miss about my car.

1.) Eat More Chicken: My antenna topper. I don't have an actual antenna on my new car, so i can't have an antenna topper. This guy gave my car some character, some personality, some style. and i miss it.

2.) Apathy: Sorry mom and dad, but with the accent, i really felt like i could "abuse" it more than i can with my car now. For example, when it snows at tech, they push all the snow into big piles, and you only see 4 wheeling cars parked in those spots.... unless i was driving that day. I could park my car on a big pile of snow, and not really care if the suspension was harmed during the process. It also made me unafraid of driving in the snow. Right now, i don't feel particularly confident in driving my car with the extra power and the sport tires in the snow.

That's about it for my cars. Drive safe!

My Christmas List.

2007-11-14T07:49:00.000-05:00

My mother has been bugging me about getting her a christmas for me. After some thought, i have compiled a few things via the internets that i would like to receive for this holiday coming up. I decided to post this list on here with descriptions so that those of you reading can get a better feel for who i am and what i enjoy. Most of this stuff that i have in this list will come as no surprise to the people that already know me...

Also, i encourage all of you reading this to make your own "wishlist" and post it for all to see, because the more people know about your little wants and needs, the more they'll know about you in general. So here we go:

Random Crap
Funny T-Shirt:
I actually used to play Ping-Pong for Tech so this one is funny but kinda true... it's very me.

Comfy T-Shirt:
Life is Good is a great company and this shirt is very much how i usually view things

Transformers Chess Set:
This is more of a thing i have with wanting to collect chess sets... i saw this at walmart and thought it looked pretty damn cool.

Brain Age 1 and 2:
Been playing BA1 on Tom and Becky's DS's and it is good fun.

DVD/Music
Multiplicity:
This movie is great, and i've been wanting to buy it for a while, just haven't seen it/found it since i thought about it.

Flight of the Conchords DVD:
Great TV show that totally cracks me up... check them out on YouTube... i suggest watching business time.

Flight of the Conchords CD:
Going along with the DVD, this tiny album will let me listen to them in the car, and on my ipod.

Ratatouille:
Great movie... Pixar really knows what the hell they're doing. Love their stuff.

Serenity:
I just realized that i've said "Great movie" on every single one of the other dvds... so i'll say this.... Awesome movie.

Drum Stuff
Bell Cymbal:
This thing sounds really cool. I would prefer the 6" one.

Splash Cymbal:
You'll notice that this link is going directly to the splash cymbal navigation page. This is because i really don't know which one i want... Also note that i already have one, but i would like another one on my right side that compliments it's sound... would be nice to get some contrast between the two.

Cymbal Stacker:
I would use this to put the splash cymbal above my crash without having to buy a new stand for it. Pretty cool concept if you ask me.

China Cymbal:
I also put the entire list on here, because i really don't know which one i want... the easiest way for me to pick out one of these is for someone to just pick one out for me. This is one that i am not really excited about... just some ideas to keep in mind.

Trashformer Cymbal:
More of a joke than anything else, don't really want it, but thought it was funny looking.... probably funny sounding too... (perfect for Lose Your Lunch).

That's it for now... i know i've mentioned a couple other things to Jessy that i can't think of at the moment, but i will keep this list up to date once i think of the other things that i want, but don't want to spend my own money on.

Why World of Warcraft is Fun.

2007-10-10T07:50:00.001-04:00

I am a big dork. Starting on November 23, 2004... i was hooked to the World of Warcraft. Now this really isn't something that i like to brag about... in fact... there was a period of time where i would very hypocritically make fun of a "friend" who would do nothing but play WoW... but go home to pretty much the same thing as him. This is not something that is looked upon as "cool" or "useful" in the real world. This is a hobby of mine that i am not proud of, but still find a huge amount of enjoyment out of... So... in defense of this habit of mine that is not quite the healthiest of all, i will attempt to explain the ins and outs of what makes this game so addicting to the layman... or laywoman... whichever you prefer to be today.

As i said before... i started playing this game when it came out on November 23rd, 2004. My first character (named Babyo) really didn't see much playing time, as he is only level 38 (out of 70). I played this character to about level 24 until i decided that school is more important than WoW, so i cancelled my subscription during the semester, and finished up with said semester before i decided to pick it up again. Upon starting again, my certain class was an overplayed, overused, over everything in the game... so i asked my brother what new character i should start. So i created my current character Lloydxmas... (code for Lloyd Christmas, the main character in Dumb and Dumber). I've played Lloyd from pretty much that point on. In fact, i have 78 days, 14 hours logged on this character. Out of 1050 days since the game has been released, this is a fair amount of time i've spent in front of my computer (and why i don't look like i did in high school anymore).

So what makes this game worth all the time spent? I've invested a lot of time in this game and when i'm playing, i FEEL like my character. I feel powerful. I can kick some ass. I can approach anyone 1v1 and feel like i can take them down. In real life... i avoid conflict, i could probably be beaten up by a 4th grader. I've never been in a fight, and when things are looking like they are going to escalate into a fight, i am a flight kind of guy... I like to talk my way out of situations, and if that doesn't work, i'll walk away... or run away... whatever it takes. But in this game... i can engage in battle, without any real fear of getting hurt, or spending time in the hospital, or spending time in jail...it really frees me in ways that i can't in my real life.

I realize that this might sound crazy to some people reading this... but the game still gets my heart pumping. Just like a real confrontation would in real life, my heart starts pumping when it gets down into the dirty. There really is no feeling like being attacked at half health and half mana (the stuff that lets me damage the opponent) and coming out on top. It's a feeling that i really don't get to experience anywhere else in my life. It's a pressure situation... and in anything else i've done in my life, i don't really get pressure situations... i don't do sports, i don't do racing, i don't do surgery(thanks scrubs for giving me this reference)... the ONLY pressure situation i have where it's decide... or lose... is in this game.

I've played basketball, i've played baseball... there have been times where the clock is running down... or the inning is almost over... and my heart doesn't start racing like it does sitting here. I guess it really boils down to the fact that i didn't ever really care about baseball or basketball... it was just something to fill up the time... I feel like it's something that i'll never really be able to show or demonstrate to the outside person...

I'm sure my brother has had that feeling, but how do i show this? Maybe its like laying your eyes on the mona lisa for the first time(thanks jessy for THIS reference)... maybe it's like winning that spelling bee you've been training for... maybe its like seeing the looks of your kids faces when santa brings exactly what they wanted (thanks mom and dad)... maybe it's like seeing the looks on your kids faces when santa brings what they weren't expecting (thanks again mom and dad), maybe it's like hitting that perfect drive off the tee... maybe it's like writing a song without even thinking about it... maybe it's like finding that treasure under the ocean you've been searching for, maybe it's like learning how to ride your bike without training wheels... maybe it's like realizing that you can do much better than what you're doing... maybe it's like hating a class during the whole semester but then realizing once it's gone you miss it... maybe it's like 3 part harmony... I'm not really sure... but all i know is that the people who play World of Warcraft have all felt it.

It's this thrill that i get every so often that makes me continue to play this game, and i hope that when you are doing what you enjoy, you get that same feeling that i do when it's all going right and you're in your zone. So go find that thing that makes you happy, and do it, because that's all we have...

...well that and chipotle.

The End Of The Road.

2007-09-20T08:48:00.001-04:00

Having a ton of songs on your Ipod is really only good for 1 thing... hearing stuff you would never willingly say, "I want to hear this song." Everyone i know that has an Ipod, has it filled with mostly stuff they like... but there are always skip-able songs, songs that they fell in love with in 3rd grade, or just random crap from some 1 hit wonder's full album.

Listening to my ipod every night has its ups and and downs... one of the downs includes these random ass songs that come on. And even though the song i'm about to dissect isn't really a random song... it really shouldn't be on my ipod... because i would skip it. This particular song happens to find it's way into the 100ish songs out of the 3000ish songs on my ipod probably 3-4 times a week. SO... after giving up hope, i decided that i would listen to it the next couple times it came on, and i realized that it really is a terribly written song. You all should recognize the song because it was very popular when it was a single... I will now dissect End of the Road, made popular (at least to me) by Boyz II Men... not Boys to Men.... not Boys 2, Men... not Men at Work... Anyways... here's my critique of this song, verse by verse (lyrics are in blue):

This song starts off with a short spoken line by the Bass dude who always talks in the songs...

"Girl you know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You’ll be mine forever baby, you just see"
- This opening line makes you start to feel bad for this dude...

Verse 1

" We belong together
And you that I’m right
Why do you play with my heart,
Why do you play with my mind?"
-If she knew he was right... then this song wouldn't really happen... so right off the bat, we know the "guy" in this song is dumb. He's right about them being together, but he can't figure out why she plays with his heart and mind?

"Said we’d be forever
Said it’d never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say good-bye?"
-This line gives me the impression that he feels like she blind-sided him... apparently he needs to wake up, and smell the break-up. This blind-sided line "never say goodbye" has relevance later... so pay attention.

"Girl I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I’d rather be dead
Spinnin’ around and around"
-This is actually my favorite line of the whole song... very well written... you understand how he's feeling... the description of it is brilliant... no complaints here.

Chorus

"Although we’ve come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you"
-You belong to me, i belong to you... apparently not. It's a chorus... a good summarization, but i really only think that he can say "i belong to you"... "you belong to me" is very stalker-ish.

Verse 2
This is where it starts to get a little weird...

"Girl, I know you really love me,
You just don’t realize
You’ve never been there before
It’s only your first time"
-If he's talking about love, or sex here... they're both kinda creepy. If she really loves him, but doesn't realize it... then is it really love? I am assuming they've been together for a while, so that rules out the "still getting used to you" realizations. If they haven't been together for a while, then this guy got wayyyy to attached wayyyyy to fast. And the whole first time thing... still creepy.

"Maybe I’ll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you’ll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and i"
-Sounds like from the previous lines of the song, he's already forgiven her... so this is a moot point... she left and didn't say goodbye, so i'm pretty sure she's not going to try. And with the happy together forever thing... Didn't sound like the relationship was so happy in the first place. so this guy is all mixed up.

"Will you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don’t let me, don’t let me down"
-The beginning of this verse is "Girl i know you really love me." And the first step he wants to take after she loves him more, is to run straight to bed? Not the best long term planner in the bunch folks. Everything gets solved in bed... brilliant plan there genius.

Chorus Again

Now after this chorus comes the part of the song that makes the rest of the song make NO SENSE. The bass guy comes on and delivers this very convincing speak to the girl. Hilarity ensues...

Spoken

"Girl I’m here for you
All those times of night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn’t care
You just don’t understand how much I love you do you?
I’m here for you"
-Wow. So let me get this straight. This girl has played games with your heart and mind, left without saying goodbye, and cheated on you numerous times? "You belong to me" my ass. She NEVER belonged to him. ever. never. The next line says "I just didn't care, you just don't understand how much i love you." What the hell is this guy thinking? What does he even think love is? This guy has no clue. He probably "loved" her because she was looking for a place to crash and someone gullible enough to pay for her shoes and purses and stuff. From the sound of it... its more like his first time in love (or sex for that matter). Also, remember the "never say goodbye" line from before? If he didn't see the outcome of this relationship coming, then it's obvious this guy has the IQ of someone dumber than Forrest.... but he sure can sing his ass off.

"I’m not out to go out and cheat on you all night
Just like you did baby but that’s all right
Hey, I love you anyway
And I’m still gonna be here for you ’till my dying day baby
Right now, I’m just in so much pain baby
Cause you just won’t come back to me
Will you? just come back to me"
-Still wanting her to come back. This guy probably still lives with his mother and plays xbox all night, dresses up for harry potter, and goes to star wars conventions (granted i do 2 of the 4, so i'm only a half nerd, but i'm cool damnit). This girl has been using him from day 1 and will continue to do so when she runs out of money and has no other options. This guy will always take her back because all she has to do is bat her pretty little eyes and he falls for it every time. 2 things going on here... she's the devil, and he's retarded... this is a terrible combination for him.

"Yes baby my heart is lonely
My heart hurts baby
Yes I feel pain too
Baby please"
-"baby i knew about it, i just didn't care" this guy obviously has 2 personalities and they're both morons... just one of them has an aching head and heart.

Final Lead-in to the Chorus

"This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don’t let me go"
- I'm sick of this guy and his utter lack of having a clue.

So that's it for this song. People liked this song because it was Boyz II Men and they were popular at the time, so no one really listened to the story of the words. Lyrically speaking, this is a terrible song. But it's got a nice sound and it's a good song to slow dance to at your prom... but other than that... it's getting skipped from now on... only because i'm too lazy to find it on my ipod and delete it. And for your viewing and listening pleasure... the video to this song...

Note: this is the "radio version" without the beginning speech. The album has the whole song.

Stoplights.

2007-09-16T18:08:00.000-04:00

I drive at a lot of "weird" times... and by that i mean really early in the morning. Anywhere between midnight and 6am. At these times, there are little to no cars on the road... especially closer to 2-3am.

I have noticed that even though i'm basically the only car on the road... i still have to wait for some stoplights because they have a timer once the trigger is tripped. The programming for these lights just baffles me. It makes no sense to me to keep a timer past midnight... at the latest.

I've also noticed that once i'm on a normally busy road, and i'm still the only person on the road, that some lights still change no matter if there's someone waiting or not. It's like the box that controls the lights has to cycle through each position just so that it doesn't bug out. If i'm on a 3 lane highway (aka 28) and there is no one waiting to make a left turn onto said road, then the light should always stay in the direction of the 3 lane highway. It is ridiculous for a light to HAVE to cycle through. I'm sure there's plenty of people who can program these boxes to help us few late late drivers.

Going along with the last paragraph... if i come up to 28 from a side road... and i'm turning right... i don't expect the light to turn for me. This is less efficient for the flow of traffic. But if i'm turning left, this light should start to change as soon as i hit the trigger. It makes it more of a first come, first serve basis... and at 2am... i'm pretty sure everyone that's out driving that's been stuck at a light with NO cars coming would agree with me.

Bad News Never Had Good Timing... Part 2.

2007-09-08T05:41:00.000-04:00

Before I start this blog i want to re-direct you guys to This Post. Everything that is said here is pretty much how i feel about that side of the story... you know... minus all the big words and art and stuff (i tend to think in small words that i know what they mean... and music... sorry honey).

I try not to think about the shootings because all it does is get me mad... with no way to release that anger towards the source... aka meaningless anger. So anytime that i got reminded of what happened, i just pushed it right out to avoid those feelings. No use getting upset for nothing. But after my 2 days off this week being spent at Tech, going to see the free concert put on by DMB for the students, you couldn't avoid thinking about it. Well... i couldn't at least. And i have a few things to add about the situation that i don't think too many people think about. Maybe no-one has thought of them. But there are a few points, none of which are related to another, so i'll just separate them by "-" marks in bullet form.

-Walking to the concert Jessy and I grabbed a Collegiate Times that we walked by, and one of the headlines on the front page was something to the effect of "Parents of Victims Call for Firings and Resignations." Now i understand that the families of all the victims must be living in a nightmare, but in my head... this is really only 1 person's fault... trying to throw the blame to someone who you can actually punish is just wrong. This whole situation is unthinkable. No-one can predict the future. Throwing the blame on people might make the victim's families have a little bit of closure, but at what cost? And it's not the same kind of closure as having the fuckhead here to punish. It would be like blaming the shower for getting your pillow wet, when you were the genius who went and laid down without drying your hair. Following the same example... you see water drops from your bed, through the hall, into the bathroom, and finally into the shower... and after finding out that water comes from the shower head, firing your shower for getting your hair wet, when there is clearly someone else to blame. (Note: i realize that the culprit of this little mystery story is in fact "you" but you get what i'm going for here)

-Virginia Tech failed to stop this kid from going on a rampage. But how many kids have they stopped from doing the same thing? Probably hundreds. Probably thousands. Probably Ten-thousands. Who knows... and who cares. Even if they have stopped 1 person from lashing out at society, they are successful. There are plenty of messed up people out there, and VT has surely helped a lot of them with their counseling center. All the public cares about is that Tech "screwed up" and missed all his signs. But they didn't. They tried to get him help. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." I commend Virginia Tech for help the thousands of kids who need help dealing with their problems... in fact, i commend ANYONE who helps ANYONE ELSE through a tough time. Whether it's just a phone call to check on someone you haven't talked to in a while, or helping an old lady across the street(sorry it's cliche, but you get my point).

-(Continuing on with the previous bullet, but in a different direction): Counselors help kids in many ways, but you really can't tell how many violent acts they have prevented. The only statistics that people ever see are the outcome of someone slipping through the cracks. You can't tell who would've been a rapist, murderer, or a thief... but after something happens, all the signs point to something bad happening... If you could tell who is going to be a rapist, murderer, or a thief... then this world wouldn't need counselors and therapists, etc. But the main point here is that the numbers only reflect all those that slipped through. I like to think that the majority of people that have the potential to do something bad that get help, are actually stopped with the right help. But as i said, we will never know.

-After thinking about all this on my 4 hour car ride home, i can't help but think about how much my life would've been different if this had happened 2 years ago. Even though i feel a huge connection with Tech, and still consider myself a Hokie for life... i have experienced this situation at an arm's distance... with my only connection with Tech right now being Jessy... she's really the only person down there that i even know anymore... But what if that was 2 years ago? How would i convince Mom to let me go back? Would i even want to go back? Would i know someone in one of those rooms? But i wasn't there. Which i'm thankful for.

So that's it. I know this not going away, at least for the time being... but i think i'm done for now. But yeah, it's not over with, and i don't think i'll ever be able to help those who were really affected...

But i will still try.

This Kid Has Music in Him Already.

2007-06-21T06:20:00.000-04:00

Teddy as a Drummer:
Teddy as a Bassist:

Teddy as a Dancer/ Background Screamer... i mean Singer: I'm a little worried i'm gonna lose my drumming job if his parents keep putting those sticks in his hands... guess i better start practicing!

Check Cards, Credit Cards, and the Things That Read Them.

2007-06-09T08:04:00.000-04:00

Debit or Credit. We hear this in our lives a lot nowadays. Will probably be hearing it a lot more in the future too. But there has been a major oversight in this whole trend of paying with plastic as opposed to cash. Actually a few... but we'll get there.

One of the first problems that arises involves the card readers that the customers themselves are told to use. "You can swipe your card there" as they usually say... but every store has a different one. Once you swipe your card, it's almost a guaruntee that the machine will assume that you want to use debit, but there is NO easy way to declare that you want to use your card as a credit card. A lot of times, you need to push either CANCEL, or NO (both of which are normally on these machines). But some stores, when you push cancel, it cancels the whole thing, and you end up looking like an idiot and having to swipe your card once again, and ask the clerk how to make the machine do what you want.

Some places handle this better than others... Wegmans (of course) has proven to be one of the easiest places to use plastic (though it is still not without it's troubles). You swipe your card, and it brings up a menu. This menu has "credit, debit, something else, and gift card" buttons on the touch screen.... if you push credit, it requires the cashier to push a button to confirm that is what you want to do, then it brings up a signature screen on the touch screen, you sign and be on your way (side note: you must spend at least $25 to require a signature, otherwise, it just prints the receipt). If you push debit, the cashier pushes his button, and it brings up the numpad on the touchscreen for you to put in your PIN with a big ENTER button at the bottom. Sadly, this is the EASIEST way i've seen it done.

I said before that some are better than others... and i think i've found the worst too... Shoppers has a card reader that has the WORST order of operations i've ever seen. This pad isn't a touch-screen like some others, instead, it has a numpad, a big green enter/yes, and a big red cancel/no, and to the right of the screen, F1, F2, F3 and F4. You swipe your card, and it brings up 4 options next to the F's... credit, debit, gift, and cancel... or something to that effect... where you have to push the F's to choose.... When you choose credit, you sign in the little touchscreen on the pad, and instead of pushing the BIG GREEN ENTER button... you have to push F1... You effectively NEVER push the BIG GREEN ENTER button... but are confined to the F's. The cashiers at Shoppers have gotten so fed up with this system that they have put a little sign on the pad, that tells you to push F1..... which people effectively NEVER see, because it's right in front of their face.

I asked the Cashier yesterday how many times he says "push F1" in a day, and he just rolled his eyes and said "too many." I feel his pain working in the dairy and getting asked where the velveeta was 30 times a day.

Using credit cards brings forth another problem i've seen...

Some stores you go to, you still have to hand them your card and have them swipe it. Most of the time, when the register prints the receipt, it prints out the customer's copy first, then it prints the copy that needs to be signed. THIS IS BACKWARDS. The first thing that any register should print should be the piece that needs to be signed... Now it's not a life or death situation, but it's freaking annoying.

The third problem that i've seen involves the card readers where the employee punches in the amount of money to be charged by hand. This is just dumb design. Everyone makes mistakes, but who wants to be at the wrong end of a $67.55 burger when it's only worth $6.75. Granted, the company will most assuredly refund the money, but this is just bad business tactics. Put something that's a little more fool-proof and i'll be happy.

My suggestion to any merchant that accepts credit cards, is to find a reader that doesn't make the customer feel like an idiot. There are some "new" ways to pay with credit cards that look really interesting... They are kinda like Exxon's speedpass, but with credit cards. I have only seen a few places that are able to accept this, but hopefully it's gaining popularity...

Staying True to Form.

2007-06-04T07:12:00.000-04:00

A couple months ago, i lived with my brother Tom. It was nice freeloading off of them for a while... but times change, and people grow babies and stuff... so i decided to get out of there while i could (aka: before pregnant hormones kicked in... sorry Becky, you understand though).

Throughout my stay at the L.P. (Tom's house), I found out that i had really found a friend in their 1st child (read: Maddy). She would just WAIT and WAIT for me to sit on the couch so she could have a nice comfy place to sleep (aka: me). So it became apparent that i was one of her favorite places to sleep... so much so that she would almost never hear when one of them came home. I really didn't think much of this.... UNTIL....

So now i think it's just a trend that all of tom's kids will seek me out as their personal mattress... which i'm ok with, but once they hit 14 or 15, it's gotta stop. So enjoy the pictures of Teddy and his favorite uncle/mattress.

P.S. He stayed asleep on me like so for almost an hour and a half.

Some Things Just Bother Me.

2007-06-01T01:02:00.000-04:00

I have realized that some companies are better than others. There are mainly 2 things that bother me which seem very very easy to avoid. Of course there's always the things that anyone would complain about, such as dirty bathrooms, stuff being misorganized, anything that makes shopping hard... but i'm not talking about that. I'm talking about things that mainly go unnoticed because they do not harm business, and they don't yell out at you like a leaky faucet, or a stinky garbage can.

The first of my 2 complaints are stores with a lighted sign in the front. Only, they have a few letters where the bulb has burned out. Whenever i see a store that is missing a letter, it says to me that the management is lazy... or they are penny-pinchers who are looking to save a few bucks to increase profit. I know that if i had a store, and the sign read Owe s Importing and Exporting, It would be fixed that night or the next day. Period. To me, there is no better way to say to the customer, "Hey, I don't care enough about my store's outer appearance, so i don't care about you." This offense is equally as dissatisfying to me as a store who never washes the windows, with fingerprints and gunk stuck on. Lack of professionalism. That's what it says. So fix your signs, and get back to me.

Moving on... double doors.

Store managers... If you have a double door to your store, please, for the love of God, KEEP THEM BOTH UNLOCKED. Nothing creates awkward situations quite like a double door where only 1 door opens. Just think of how many times you have tried to walk into a store, you pull the handle, and it's locked... Just at that same instant, someone is exiting the store, and of course they're walking right for the unlocked door (the one you did not choose), so you have to go through the "will they open the door for me, or am i going to open the door for them?" dance. What good is a double door where only 1 door works? Essentially, they should've just saved the trouble of building 2 doors, and just made it 1... they put 2 doors there for a reason, they might as well use them... I'm not sure if people think it saves money on heating/AC bills to have only 1 door that opens, but to me... it's worth the extra 7 cents a month so that my customers will be able to enter and exit at their own will.

What makes this even worse, is when there's the double, double door. I've actually walked into a store that had the left door locked on the first stage of doors, and then on the second set, the right door was locked, so you essentially had to walk through the left door, then the right door to get into the store. Can you guess how many door handles i touched in that 30 seconds?

4, that's how many. All because i guessed wrong on the first set of doors, then assumed that the same side was going to be unlocked for the second go-round. Wrong. It is just infuriating to me that i have to go through this to enter your store... not to mention that anyone who guesses wrong looks and feels like an idiot for having problems opening the door to a very "open for business" store. Its almost the same feeling as walking up to a store window at 9:05 when they close at 9 and having them lock you out... you feel like an a moron for not knowing that they closed.

Even when 1 of the doors is broken, this is still unacceptable to me. Once again, if i had my own store, this would be fixed immediately... I would call whoever i needed to get this fixed. Pay whatever i need to make it better. And if they can't do it until friday, then they really don't deserve my business, and i'll replace those inconvenient to fix doors with something that i know is going to work. Even if i have to do it myself.

In conclusion, I've seen what it takes to keep a store at the top of the game when it comes to appearance and customer service, and i've seen the lengths that some store owners/managers take to ensure their customer's satisfaction. It's not so much as something they do, but just their general attitude to the way that they treat their customers and their investments to make them as perfect as they can day in and day out. If i ever own a store, you can be damn sure that both the doors will be unlocked during business hours, and the sign will have all working lights. I guarantee it.

I'm an Uncle!

2007-06-01T00:57:00.000-04:00

I am an uncle. I'm very excited about this... but i will spare you guys with a mushy-gushy blog... and instead just refer you all to Mom's Blog and Dad's Blog for pictures.

P.S. All of you should comment on mom's blog to get her to write more...

Headphones.

2007-05-25T05:55:00.000-04:00

So in the past week or so, i have realized something that has been going on in my life for a long, long time that is really annoying. It is really hard to get a good pair of headphones.

Honestly... think about it. Almost every pair that i have had in the past, present (and hopefully not future) have taken some "getting used to." Which means that your ears hurt like a bitch for the first 100 hours of wearing them... at least. Until your ears just lose all feeling in them at the contact points cause you've worn them so long. Even those old headphones that look like an upside-down U used to hurt your ears. Why is it so hard to make headphones that don't hurt? Seems like they should've had enough time to get it right by now.

I bring this up because recently i killed my ipod headphones by being rough on them (read: having them ripped outta my ears numerous times at work). So i asked Father if he had a set i could use temporarily until i got unlazy and got a replacement for the ones i broke. So he gave me a set of GPX's (it's an electronics company apparently)... anyways, i took them to work and tried them on... no less than 10 minutes later were my ears hurting because of them. These headphones sorta clip onto your ears with a hard plastic curved thingy that is spring-loaded. They are not tethered together with a headband around the top like they probably should be because they are heavy on my ears, but only with a chord that carries the signal from one to the other... in other words, your ears are the only thing holding them up. So i spent that whole night just listening to my music one ear at a time while the other was resting. That was fun. Now add all of this up and THEN try to imagine that they feel like they are about to fall off your ear. Did i mention that they sound terrible too? I doubt anyone at GPX even tried these things on before they sold them. They are that bad.

After the second night of using these headphones, i decided that enough is enough... so i figured that ANYTHING would be better than these pieces of crap. So i looked at what Wegmans had in the way of headphones... Sure enough they had some cheap headphones for sale. So i spent $5 on a set of headphones.

These newer headphones are sorta like earbuds, but to keep them on, they have a rubbery hook that hangs over your ear, and the buds kinda fall into your ears. Needless to say, they are better than the GPX's... that's for sure. But tonight was filled with "is my left earbud falling out?" Which is a problem i've had with other earbuds in the past, so i try to avoid them when possible.

The headphones that come with the Ipod though, are pretty good for being so simple. They sound decent, and don't hurt your ears. They also are really good at letting in outside sound so i can still talk to people. They were ideal for work. But i have had problems of them feeling like they're going to fall out.

I do have a couple sets of amazing headphones though...

-My inner ear monitors. These things are amazing. The sound quality is amazing, and they block out all other noise, so it's just music. Nothing else. And they are form fitted to my ears, so they are comfortable. They also cost about $600 so i can't really use them unless i'm playing drums, or sitting still listening to my ipod/computer.

-My ear-covering headphones. Also great sound quality... but i look like a doofus in them. Really. Thanks Tom, but they look funny on me. and you. and everyone. I made the mistake of wearing them around campus at Tech one day.... and i could SEE people snickering to their friends. So that was the last time i have worn those in public. And for your viewing pleasure, i have added a photo of me wearing said headphones... so enjoy. (sorry about the crappy quality, but i just came up with this concept... leave me alone.)

So electronics companies... what i want from you is a good quality, comfortable, reasonably priced set of headphones that i can wear to work and not worry that i need to take 7 advil to offset the pain that comes from wearing them. thanks.

My New Car.

2007-05-09T02:02:00.000-04:00

Back in late 2000, my very awesome parents went and bought me my very own car to drive around in. Little did i know that some 6 full years later i would finally get to upgrade myself. Now, i'm not complaining about this car (i.e. biting the hand that feeds you), but i will say that that car gave me a lot more trouble than what it was worth. Bright blueish color that the girls always said "is your car purple?", transmission problems (twice), and we all know about filling up gas... that car was always a mess too, with no place to hide the essentials of my everyday stuff except in the passenger seat... Not to mention throwing all my trash in the too small for people backseat.

BUT.... it got me from point A to point B, almost every time. i racked up 78,000 miles on that car driving from Manassas to Ashburn to Blacksburg to Harrisonburg to West Virginia to Fredricksburg to RTJ to Wegmans over and over and over again. All the while only 1 really really really minor accident to which i wasn't even driving (some paint was traded, but that's it). Hell you couldn't even see it after i washed the white paint off cause the bumper was made of black plastic, and the blue paint was fairly dark for being so bright (just pretend that makes sense).

Anyways, father and i had been "shopping" for cars for months because the Accent was ready to be replaced. We shopped around for cars that were in my price range, and we found quite a few nice choices. Dodge has a new SUV called a Nitro. VW has the Jetta. Infinity has the (used)G35. Nissan has the Sentra SE-R.

All of these cars were cool, but none as cool as the Sentra. It has a lot of features on it that are pretty much made for my age group such as an ipod auxiliary jack, 6 dish in dash mp3 compatible cd player, intelligent key, cool rims and a kickin spoiler, and most importantly.... cruise control.

When I first saw the Sentra, i immediately liked the styling of the new model, and all the cool features just seemed to fit into what i wanted in a new car... so i went in there by myself, and test drove it, and pretty much did the whole thing by myself (with dad on the phone making sure i didn't get raped with a huge interest rate). Paid for everything on the car with my own money(except for the trade in value of the Accent), and drove away in a brand new way of getting around (once i stopped shaking of course). And i must say, it really is "me."

So say goodbye to the old gustermobile to usher in the new era of the Gustermobile. See you on the road.

P.S. Don't park so close to me, i get nervous about it.

My Little Secret.

2007-05-07T06:03:00.000-04:00

Ever since i moved into Tom's house, i realized that i had to do something different than i was used to. In fact, most men have to go through this at one point or another... and it's all because of you women. I must say that this is one issue that i stand firmly behind the guys and it is totally unfair for us to have to put up with this. That being said, i changed my ways (while i was there) and learned from my mistakes and found it easier to "fall in" than to have it my way and get yelled at, because let's face it folks, it wasn't my house. So here it is, here's my secret:

I put the toilet seat down after going number 1.

I did this mainly because i didn't want to get yelled at by Becky. But men, you can fight back... like i do. This is my TRUE secret that i have come up with to make it fair, the only way i can... so men, if you get yelled at when you leave that pesky toilet seat up, follow these instructions... Every time you go #1, put the toilet seat down.... BOTH of them. That way when she gets in there, SHE TOO has to take at least 1 action before doing her business. Let's review the ins and outs of the procedure here to further see why it's unfair for women to ask such a daunting task from us. First starting with the condition that men must put the toilet seat down.

Toilet seat down upon entering:
-Male going #1: toilet seat up(1), * , toilet seat down(2)
-Male going #2: nothing, * , nothing
-Female going #1 or 2: nothing, * , nothing
ACTION COUNT: 2 for males, 0 for women (this is fair.... not)

Now lets examine this if there is no rule as to the position of the toilet seat once we are finished...(note: see above for when toilet seat is down).

Toilet seat up upon entering :
- Male going #1: nothing, * , toilet seat down
- Male going #2: toilet seat down (1), * , nothing
- Female going #1 or 2: toilet seat down(1), * , nothing
ACTION COUNT: 1 for each... seems actually fair to me.

note: * means doing the business.

So men, if your woman wants you to put the toilet seat down after the fact, and you want to "even the score," put both the seats down so she'll ALWAYS have to take an action before she does her business (so will you, but since you have to put the toilet seat down anyways, what's your worry?).

Now the women may have some "arguements" as to why what i'm saying is totally unfair to them, i will attempt to silence all of these by guessing them.

-It's unfair that men get to stand up to pee, so they should suffer to make it even.
Sorry ladies, can't help you there... talk to God about that one.... or mabye Eve.

-When the toilet seat is up, and i don't look, i could very well fall in.
HAHAHAHA, wow... ever heard of the saying "look before you leap?" Maybe you should look before you put your toosh someplace. i look in the chair before i sit down, and i also look at the toilet seat before i sit down, just to make sure i don't fall in. (this is a terrible excuse).

-You should sit when you pee cause it splatters everywhere.
While this may be true, there is nothing that you could do to make me sit down when i pee. nice try.

-You're missing the point, me asking you to put the seat down was to make my life easier.
Well honey... do you want me to put the seat down or not... you either get the full commitment, or you get the toilet seat left up, you decide.

-I'm a woman and i am always right so you're just going to have to deal with what i say cause i'm the boss and it's tough cookies for you.
OK, you win.

In conclusion, ladies.... if i have been around your house, apartment, condo, and you get into your bathroom to find a toilet with both lids down, you know who's to blame.

P.S. I have changed the title to my previous blog to better suit the entry. thanks to John Mayer for the words.

Bad News Never Had Good Timing.

2007-04-18T23:02:00.000-04:00

After having a few days to let this shooting sink in, it has become clear to me that there are a lot of things that are wrong with a lot of people in this world.

The shooter:
As i have previously thought before, people who lash out at innocent bystanders will never be understood. Investigate all you want, analyse, think about it... but the 99% of people who live on this planet WILL NOT understand the reasoning, thinking, or anything about this shooter other than the fact that he is fucked up in the head, and that he had probably been that way for a long time. Evidence will only point you to the fact that a lot of people died and there were a lot of bullets. The "why" that "we" come up with will just be the "officials" way of spinning it so that the 99% of us sane people will have something that we can grasp in our heads... it will not be the reason because we cannot understand the "real" reasons.

People who say that Tech did not do enough to let people know after the AJ shooting:
This is simply a logistics impossiblity. There is NO way for a university to inform EVERY student that is on his/her way to class to stay put. Put it on the radio, send out an email, blast it out a loudspeaker... all of these combined will reach probably 40% of the people.... if even that much.
Not to mention that anyone in their right mind would assume that the 2 shootings at AJ was the "end" of the incident. Who thinks after a double murder, "hmmm, i bet this guy is going to go shoot 31 other people." no one. that's who. so why is tech taking heat for not doing enough. Anyone who thinks that they could've done more to prevent, or to stop this tragedy is either retarded, or ignorant.

People who say that games like GTA and violence on tv caused this:
FUCK OFF. seriously... this "excuse" has been floating around the media since columbine. millions and millions of people play violent games, but you don't see millions and millions of people shooting people. this excuse is the biggest pile of bull dung that i have ever seen and i'm sick of it. If this is your excuse and you're a journalist, go kill yourself so i don't have to read this anymore.... that goes for you too dr. phil. As an example, i myself have been playing "violent" games for years... anyone remember Mortal Combat 1???? well the media flipped out at this game because there was a "blood code" where all whenever someone got hit, the shot blood outta their body instead of sweat. this was 1992. I have YET to kill anyone. yay me. This issue is overplayed, overrun, and overused. get off of my tv and internet please, thank you.

People who think that a rampage like this is deserved:
i don't even want to get into this, its almost like i hate these people more than the shooter himself, because they seem to throw salt in every victim's family's wounds. please go kill yourselves so the families can grieve and get on with their lives without having to worry about your stupid ass.

Other than that i am just upset about all of this. I really felt like since i haven't been at Tech for a little bit, that i was beginning to "not be a hokie." After monday, i feel like i will ALWAYS be a hokie, whether i get a degree from JMU, NOVA, UVA, GMU, or even harvard. Blacksburg is in my heart, my soul, and there is NOTHING that will change that. I never really had a great group of friends here, my scholastic records were ghastly, i did not enjoy my living situation, i was lonely, i ate terrible, but still... i love this place, and i miss it. And not just because my girlfriend is here. There will always be this part inside of me, and i hope that when i have little Jeff's running around (way way way in the future), that they decide that they want to go to Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University.

"Hokie, Hokie, Hokie, hi!
Tech, Tech, V-P-I!
So-la-rexSo-la-ra
Polytech Virgin-i-a
Ray, Rah, VPI!!!
Team! Team! Team!"

Why is Everything Wet?

2007-04-08T00:09:00.000-04:00

Public restrooms. This is the ONLY place i've ever seen the security screws where you can only tighten them (like the one in the picture). Who needs this? Why is it such a big deal that these stalls are NOT going to be taken down? This baffles me.

It's like these people who design these bathrooms are so in love with their work that NO ONE will take it down... even if they decide to bring a screwdriver into the stall of the bathroom.... which happens regularly... i guess.

Why can't this be used on something more useful... like cars or something... I have seriously seen these screws only in public restrooms.

Although i can understand having these at a college dorm (or whole campus for that matter), cause who knows what some drunk/high college kid will do with a bathroom stall... but this begs the question... Why don't they use these screws for everything in a college dorm? bulletin boards, door hinges, light fixtures, study room furniture, roommate's belongings... you know... the normal stuff.

I've researched this topic with a few people and it seems that we cannot find any other place these are being used except for bathroom stalls... if you have seen these anywhere else, leave a comment...

Boys and Girls.

2007-04-03T03:01:00.000-04:00

*+*+*+*WARNING*+*+*+*
Explicit content within.

I realize that my audience is primarily my family, but i found an article the other day that i found interesting. It was labeled "50 Things She Wishes You Knew" from the Men's Health Magazine.

Instead of linking it, i thought that i would provide a rebuttal, comment, or something that "He Wishes You Knew." So, here goes:

Once again i need to warn the readers that some of this will be very racy and vulgar, but it comes with the territory... nothing you couldn't find in Cosmo.

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.
- Yes it does... if you really mean it.

2. Real men drive stick shift.
- Yes they do... and i can ;-)

3. I will leave if you lie.
-Ditto.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
-You are cute in MY raglan-sleeved T-shirts, or any of my clothes for that matter.

5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
-Thank god men don't get pregnant.

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
-You fit there, that's why we do it.

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
-Unless it's "GIRL YOU'RE FINEEEEE" (see Pablo Fransisco)

8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.
-Ok, that's just hot.

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
-Stacy's mom has got it going on.

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
-I need to write more emails.

11. I expect you to call me.
-I know, but can a brother please get some calls too please? I need to know if you're going to bed before me.

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
-I am a rock star, so this point doesn't affect me.

13. I'm scared of losing my independence.
-um... i don't even know how to respond to this one... help me, help you.

14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.
- Thank god.

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
- Ditto.... minus the shoes part. in fact, it's the get-out-of-anything-free card.

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)
-Wow... sex for payment? Seems awfully un-punishingly if you ask me.... and yes un-punishingly is a word.

17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want.
-d. a bitch who sucked 5 years out of your life.

18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
- Dear women, we need help looking fashionable. If we don't, then we're gay.

19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.
- You probably own Spice Girls, Ace of Base, and Alanis Morisette too.

20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
- *Silence*

21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
- A woman I love plans to cook for me, clean for me, and generally please me in any way that i choose.

22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
-I really hope this is true cause i happen to think that the hoodie is the best clothing item ever made... minus the wonder bra.

23. You should never tell me what to do.
-Be more hypocritical please...

24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
-Does IHOP count?

25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.
-My lips agree with you.

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
-This is impossible.... cause you always hang out with your big fat friend who will most doubtly cock-block me.

27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
-(see my comment for #18)

28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
- Sometimes its fun to let you lead.

29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
-I have a lot of blue shirts, and i abuse them. yay blue.

30. I want to be Madonna.
-What is this, 1985?

31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.
- Why would i..... OOOOOOOO.... i get it.

32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
-Even when I'm sweating all over it?

33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
-Awesome, i shave, i fix things, i wear T-shirts and jeans, i drive, i like peaches, and i will soon be an uncle... i'm sexy.

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
-Listen... we try.

35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
-Lucky for me, i think everything is better in surprise form.

36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.
-But what about that time i ate 7 plates of thumbs and toes on all you can eat night? (Love you Tom).

37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....
-i'm beginning to see a trend here... a lot of these are very self-centered.

38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.
-Unless you're trashing them... then it's fun.

39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.
- I'm gonna give you ladies a hint here on the thinking of men... at any given point, my mind is on one of the following: Food, Boobs, My next big purchase, Boobs, Beer, and Boobs. Enjoy.

40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
-I guess remembering it is key to this one huh?

41. I love it when you're sweaty.
-Most of the time sweaty is accompanied by stinky too you realize.

42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
-Negative... it's best to consult YOUR girlfriends for gift ideas.

43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
-Hey... most of the time we try, but get shot down... that sends me the wrong message.

44. I like porn.
-HAHAHAHAHAHA... i'm not even going to bring this up with you... this is a trap if i've ever seen one. Men... don't fall for this one or you'll be getting "Am i prettier than Jenna Jameson?" from that moment on. Avoid this topic at all costs.

45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
-Its even better when you squeeze.

46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
-Even nice guys like that too.

47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
-So stripclubs are now considered cheating? cause i KNOW that you don't want to see that, hear that, or even read about that.

48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
- Cheat? who cheats? oh yeah... every asshole you ever dated... give the nice guys a chance for once.

49. I remember everything about our relationship.
-Excellent... just don't give us an quiz on when the first time we drank from the same straw of my drink.

50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.
- Wow... seriously lady, get a clue... men need to be told how to be effective for you. i mean... how am i supposed to know that you want to be madonna, and what can i do about it? and that whole independence one... i mean come on.

Anyways, there's the 50... enjoy it.

On a side note, sorry about the long hiatus, i've been busy and non-inspired. But i will try from now on to get out at least 1 a week. So bug me more often people. Owens out.

You Drive Me Crazy.

2007-01-27T20:01:00.000-05:00

Since it's been a while since i've written anything, i thought i would write about something we all experience at some point in our lives.

It seems like every time i get in my car, the road is filled with more and more people who REFUSE to drive the speed limit. This is especially true on any road where you can't pass or Rt. 28... it could be midnight, and there will still be 2 cars that happen to get side by side and go 5-10 mph under the speed limit. I have traveled on rt 28 so many times in my life, and EVERY SINGLE TIME, there are 2 jackasses who see me coming and decide to perform a 30 mph roadblock.

This also happens to me when i'm not driving... for example, Tom and I drove to manassas for a jam one weekend, and we got behind some idiot going 30 on a 55mph 1 lane road... 5 miles down the road we finally pass him, and what do you know, not even 2 minutes later, stuck behind someone else. What is happening here? It seems like they are multiplying.

Another issue that i have with drivers involves getting on a highway. It is my belief that on ramps should be used to get up to speed with traffic so that it's easier to merge into said traffic. Apparently the rest of the world thinks that they need to diddle daddle along the on ramp, merge, then proceed to go 5 mph under the speed limit. It really is annoying having to deal with people who refuse to use their gas pedal. It really is unsafe driving too slow and i think all these people need to grow a pair and step on it.

Link to "Food For Thought."

2006-12-07T00:57:00.000-05:00

Check out an unfinished blog i wrote on Nov 3rd, i have a note on the bottom explaining why it's "unfinished." I was hoping it would put it on the new list cause i never posted it, but it's down there so take a gander.

Food For Thought.

Please Vote.

2006-12-07T00:23:00.000-05:00

In a recent showing of democracy, a vote had to be put in place to amend my 5th rule of Soda Machine Etiquette. As Uncle Bobby brought forth the motion and Mother Of 3 Guys seconded said motion... so in all fairness, put your votes in people....

Proposed Rule #5: For refills: If there is a person who just purchased their meal and has a dry empty cup, fresh off of the stack, then i will generally position myself behind them for a refill. Because you know how pissed off you get when someone who's already enjoyed the pleasures of Mt. Dew Code Red from the fountain gets in front of you while you're trying to get to your Dr. Pepper. I try to avoid that for at least 1 happy customer... also, if said restaurant offers "free refills," patron should always order a "small."

so there it is, i'm gonna place a deadline on voting to January 1st, 11:59am to give everyone plenty opportunity to vote. If you wish to stay anonymous in voting, please send me an email at swenodivad@gmail.com telling me who you are or i will delete any anonymous votes, and said votes will not be counted (this is to insure that people aren't cheating and voting twice).

And please feel free to explain your choice... (see my vote)

Happy Voting!

The Soda Fountain.

2006-12-05T00:17:00.000-05:00

I noticed the other day while trying to fill my drink at Burrito Heaven (read: Chipotle) that people get really uncomfortable at the soda fountains in restaurants. Everyone's just trying not to be rude to the next person...

It dawned on me because i am a firm believer that more than 1 person can fill up a drink at the same time. Theres plenty of room for two people to fill up their drinks and be on their way. But there are some rules that i've come up with that can help you get through the soda machine boggle faster, and friendlier.

1.) If your preferred soda is on the end (usually both coke, or both pepsi), then position your body so that it is not directly in front of the entire machine. Sort of like a reach in and push the button from the side of the machine manouver. Once you have taken your position and begun to fill your cup with a tasty beverage, make eye contact with the next person in line, and give them a kind, soft look which says to them "it's ok if you start to fill your ice and/or your soda, i have left this whole other side for you to sneak in and fill your cup." You can even give them the old hand gesture that leads them from them, to the soda machine... you know, the slightly cupped and, long broad stroke of the arm... Just be friendly about it... and there will be no soda mishaps.

2.) If you are on deck to get soda, and notice that the person is filling their cup on the opposite side of the ice/your soda, then go ahead and start your filling... But you must make sure that you give the person in front of you a reassuring smile that you aren't going to pick the soda that's directly next to theirs.

3.) Being the on-deck person can be tricky... especially if the ice is in the center of the machine. i generally give the person a 2 soda buffer zone before i start any filling of ice. If you want to start your soda filling venture early, the current soda go-er must have his body positioned to where you can have access... cause there are some people who think that while they're filling up, they are the boss of the machine and no one should be filling up at the same time as them. In this case, i generally just wait and let them have their fun, all the while i'll probably look back and give the person behind me a look that says, "look at this asshole taking up the whole soda machine" in a very mocking way.

4.) If you take a trip to the soda machine with a buddy, you both should have full access of all of the variations of soda without having to worry about spacing or distance... if "Steve" wants Hi-C punch, and I want root beer, and they are directly next to each other... we can both fill our sodas without having to worry about rudeness or being in the way. This should go for all groups, 2 at a time people.... 2 at a time...

5.) For refills: If there is a person who just purchased their meal and has a dry empty cup, fresh off of the stack, then i will generally position myself behind them for a refill. Because you know how pissed off you get when someone who's already enjoyed the pleasures of Mt. Dew Code Red from the fountain gets in front of you while you're trying to get to your Dr. Pepper. I try to avoid that for at least 1 happy customer.

6.) If the person in front of you is getting your soda... there's nothing you can do, take a number and wait your turn.

7.) And lastly, if your preferred soda is out, just pick your next favorite... cause no one likes the person who sits around waiting for the people to change the syrup for the sodas. Makes you seem needy (which isn't a good look for you).

Follow these rules, and you and I can both be on our way in less amount of time for the same amount of soda.

This is Fantastic.

2006-11-06T20:52:00.000-05:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It's Finally Done.

2006-11-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

I have finally removed all the songs from my ipod that i said i would in this post.... just thought i'd let you know. I said i'd take them off August 13th, it's November 5th.... go me.

Food For Thought.

2006-11-03T22:48:00.000-05:00

So recently i've been toying with the idea of what i want to do with my life, i.e. career. Both my brother and Jessy have mentioned to me that i would probably make a pretty good secret shopper for some restaurants (*cough* 5 guys *cough*) or something... because i am very picky about the way my food is served to me, how good it tastes, whether said thanks when you tipped them even though i didn't have to tip. I'm pretty picky when it comes to 5 guys, and chipotle, and most of my staples, cause i have a basis of comparison, and i can tell when i've been shafted.

This got me thinking about ACTUALLY becoming a food critic of some sort, which lead me to a discovery of sorts...

They say that as you grow older, your general likes and dislikes of certain foods change. And for the most part, mine have stayed the same. With my exceptions being mexican food, and mexican food. And don't give me this crap about how i don't try things... cause that's just crap. I haven't turned down anything new that i haven't tried in a couple years... just ask Chelsea.... i tried freaking sushi... along with "new" things that i try, i've been trying things that i know i didn't like as a kid, and those still don't taste good to me. I will now list these foods that i can remember:

Raw or Cooked Onions (unless i can't taste them at ALL...).
Beans in Chili.
Tomatoes (I've tried to like these, cause they are highly valued in the Owens households).
Zucchini.
Cream Cheese.

That's just a few... i know there's more but i can't think of any...

Note: this post was written on Nov 3rd, 2006. I wrote everything on this page that day, and had to go do something, and felt like i wasn't finished... i had something else to tlak about, but now i don't remember... so here's a page out of my unfinished blogs category.

Damn This Traffic Jam.

2006-10-27T01:14:00.000-04:00

As i was driving to work today, i noticed something about my drive from the LP to the Weg. Since the drive there is on a divided highway, there are 15-20 of these signs during my drive. There's one at every left hand turn. I understand why they are there... but seriously folks... if i'm going along a road, and this sign wasn't there... it wouldn't be the end of the world. Honestly... i didn't even notice the signs until today.

This is definitely the most used sign on the way to work... maybe even of all the regulatory signs in the catalog. And it's probably the least noticed sign of the lot too...

Now i did happen to notice that there is one of these signs that goes to the left... and i don't think i've ever been in a situation where i needed to be to the left of the divider.

Anyways... i'm gonna take a count of the number of these signs the next time i drive out that way and get an official count of how many of these stupid signs there are.

On the subject of dumb signs... there's a sign on Rt. 15 when you exit 66, that says "stay right" but not even a mile down the road, you have to merge left... that's annoying as hell... i have seen no reason for traffic to "stay right" from the time it becomes 2 lanes, to the merge left.... it's upsetting that you make the effort to stay right, but are then surprised by a "merge left" sign...

I'm just sayin.....

Warning: Cheesy Blog Subject.

2006-10-12T22:49:00.000-04:00

Now i bet some of you who know me are thinking... this has got to be about cheese. But you would be wrong... cause i had a thought tonight at work and i wanted to share it with you folks.

I have been high many times before.... but i've never done drugs. Not once... but it's not a high like you'd think... one of those "high on life" things you always hear people joke about... there's a couple things in my life that get me this way.

-It really is something special when i am sitting behind a drumset, lost in the middle of a jam with my brothers... i really wish i could describe in words the feeling that comes over me when we settle into a groove on a song like the likka sto jam. Playing regular music is all fine and dandy, but it's the jams that really make music so intoxicating to me.

-Another thing that gets me high is listening to another band get into a jam. The one that sparked the idea for this blog is something that Mike sent me a while ago. It's a live version of Dave Mattews Band's #41. Special guests Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. It's literally 30 minutes long.... and everytime i listen to it, i am smiling from ear to ear. I have the song on mp3 and i have listened to it probably 30 times altogether (with listening on the computer, but mostly out at the golf course watering or mowing greens). Recently i was surfing the YouTube, and i found a video of it... after probably 2 years of listening to only the mp3, and knowing basically every last second of music, THERE'S A VIDEO!!!! Oh My GOD.... the first time i watched it, it was about 2:30 am when i started it, i was tired and ready to go to bed, but came across it... so i had to watch the whole thing.... and let me tell you, i was grooving out soooo hard in my chair watching this video that could be described as one of the BEST songs EVER played live.

You know those friend surveys that you always see floating around emails and stuff.... there's always that question of "if you were on a deserted island and had to listen to 1 song for all of eternity, what would it be?" This would be it for me. So i'm now going to link the video to you people, but i must warn you, that it is in 3 parts... each 10 minutes long... so you need to have 30 minutes ahead of you to get the full experience. I would also like to make a side note that the saxophone solo by Jeff Coffin is probably the best saxophone solo i've ever heard in my life. (he's the guy in the yellow/orange pants). Another side note, the beginning of Part 3 is SICK when carter is playing that fill.... amazing. (worst spot to change from part 2 to part 3 though... i wanted to kill the guy who decided it was a good idea to change right there.)

Ok, now that i've described my favorite 30 minutes of music ever... time to examine some of the runners up.

-Phish, Weekapaug Groove, Madison Square Garden, December 31st, 1995:
As mike said, "this version of this song basically ruined every other version of this song, cause it's so amazing. 17 minutes. It goes through a lotta phases, but all amazing. there's a video of it on phish's site that you can buy, and i highly reccomend it...

-Phish, 2001, Fukuoka, Japan, June 14, 2000:
After they get out of the "chorus" of the song, trey does the sickest sound on the guitar that makes me about drive off the road everytime i hear it.... i can't even begin to imagine how to make that sound.

These are the songs that get me high just about every time i hear them... so if you want them, i'll pass em out, all you gotta do is ask. that's all for now...

We've Got to be Clean.

2006-10-10T23:14:00.000-04:00

So i went to JMU this "weekend" to see Guster. The concert was fantastic, as was the company. Jessy met me down/up there (depending on where you come from), and we met up at Chelsea's place. The morning after the show, I went downstairs to take a shower and once i got in the bathroom and saw the shower, i realized something that i had never thought about before... even though i had experienced it many times... i finally realized that everybody hates everyone else's shower.

It's funny... cause whenever i stay somewhere other than one of my 2 (formerly 3) residences, the shower always SUCKED. Even if it's a hotel, it is usually pretty miserable in those showers... I have a list of things why any shower could or couldn't be up to par:

-Lighting: This is make or break for me. I am pretty blind without my glasses, so i want a lot of light in my shower to make up for that. Plus, who wants to shower in a dungeon? I like a lot of light.

-Curtain: This can play a large factor in the lightness of the shower, but more importantly, if the curtain is stubborn and won't cover that little opening between the edge of the curtain and the wall, then you get water all over the floor, and that's no fun.

-Water Control: I swear, some showers just make me feel retarded. I couldn't turn on Chelsea's from doing that whole "leaning in and turning on the water so i don't burn/freeze myself" manouver. So i had to derobe and mess with this control hoping i wouldn't burn myself by turning on only the hot water. Some showers have a little ball thingy that controls the water... some you have to pull out towards you to turn on the water, and the twist determines temperature. Sometimes you have to push the ball vertically to turn on the water, and pushing from side to side changes temp. Sometimes you just turn it counterclockwise and that's your on/off AND temperature (this is a popular one). The one in manassas has a brilliant mechanism for water control... there's a lever for turning the water on and off, and a separate lever for temperature, so that if you're the only one who showers in there, you can leave the temperature the same for every shower you take... (and its funny cause during the summer, it's usually just below the 50% mark, and during the winter, i usually have it just below full-on hot.)

-Bathtub/Shower Part 1: I am all encompasingly ok with bathtub/showers, but it does bring up a level of insecurity when turning on the water (once you figure out how to). When you turn on the water, is it going to come out of the showerhead, or the bathtub water faucet? Cause most showertubs have the automatic switch to the bath filler once you cut out the water to the showerhead. But i have come across some showers that it just stays on shower all the time. Most showertubs have that little thing you pull on the top of the faucet to turn it from bathtub to shower, but not all... and when people find a shower that doesn't have that, they usually can't find it... i.e. the shower in manassas. There is no lever... you actually pull down right where the water comes out of tub filler... kinda confusing if you don't know about it. I remember the shower in Cesaer's Palace in Vegas... i actually had to ask my mom how to turn it from bath into shower... and i really tried just about everything to get it to work. I usually pride myself in being able to figure out how things work if i look at it/play with it enough, but this shower got the best of me.

-Showertub Part 2: I could easily call this category "Drainage" but i only seem to have problems with drainage with showertubs. Figuring out whether the tub will drain or not becomes a confusing thing too.. cause i remember at mawmaw's house, the showertub upstairs has a little lever thingy to change from drain to plug... and it was always impossible to get it to work. There's also the ones where you push down and forward to "lock" it into place if you need to fill the tub (collegiate suites). There's also the twisty/lifty. This one seems to be the most popular type of water-stopper nowadays.

-Stream: This one is probably has the widest range of opinions as to how people like their showers. I grew up in a basically low-flow shower, but had a lotta water to compensate for the lack of power. So when i come across a shower that could double as a fire hose, i'm not going to have fun... that stuff freaking stings... this is a shitty shower to get with the "twist for on/off and temp" water control cause if you want less stream, you have to make the shower colder... and that's never a good thing. And there's always those showerheads with the multiple settings... "massage settings".... otherwise known as a female's best friend (if you know what i mean). Does anyone ever use anything other than the straight stream for when they shower? cause i've tried the other settings, and they all seem annoying to me. While we're on the topic of showerheads... how about these showerheads that you can take off the stand and move around. I had one of those, and i only ever took it down when i cleaned the shower (which it was very very helpful for) but for showering purposes, i never had to take it down off the stand...

-Temperature Control: And by this i mean sensitivity to making the water hot or cold... if you sneeze and it gets hotter or colder in the shower, that's too sensitive... if you twist it 4 times around, and nothing happens, then it's not sensitive enough... It's gotta be sensitive enough to change when i move it, but not super-sensitive where i can't hit my temperature mark.

-Cleanliness: this one only goes for the showers in college apartments whose place i stay at. I've seen some really really nasty showers where i felt like i was going to leave the shower dirtier than when i entered... and funny enough, it was usually an apartment with all guys... can't be a coincidence. (For your information, i had my own shower and i think i kept it fairly clean.... well clean enough for me, but i ALWAYS cleaned it before company came, so anyone who showered in there was in there in a freshly cleaned shower).

-Bathroom Rugs: I need good floor coverage in bathrooms with showers... I can't be stepping on cold or wet tiles. This is just a comfort thing. The more carpet coverage in the bathroom, the happier i am when i get in/out of the shower.

-Towel Situation: I know that at the LP, i am using the highest quality towels, cause Tom is a towel Nazi. I remember him buying 3 towels of his own so he could have his special towels when we still lived in manassas. And these towels ruled... think beach towel size, but bath towel softness/absorption. And i know how it is about giving friends towels for your shower... cause i know i gave some people my least favorite towels so i didn't have to use them that wash cycle(yeah i know, i'm a dick... leave me alone, but you do it too so shut it).

Ok now that we've gone through the list, i'd like to point out some of the things that i do that make my shower experience enjoyable to me... even though some of them might seem a little wierd to you folks, but i don't care... it's my shower experience.
-Big soft towel: I pointed this out in the "Towel Situation," you should have seen this one coming.
-CD player/mp3 player: YES. i love setting up my ipod so that it's outside the door (to avoid steam damage) but have the speakers in there, so i can sing along to whatever kind of playlist i feel like. Maroon 5 is good shower music for me, cause it's a little high for my range, but you can attempt notes in the shower that you don't normally, cause let's face it folks... there aren't 40 people in your bathroom while you're showering (unless you're on a football team, or in prison). But music is great when you can take your time and relax in the shower... otherwise, its a lot of work getting it all set up.
-No Fan: Some people like showering with the fan on to keep the mirrors from fogging up... i say screw that... if you keep the fan off, it becomes like a sauna in there... which makes easier to get out cause it's not gonna be cold when you get out. i hate those showers where the fan turns on when you turn on the fan... it's annoying.
-Mirror: I like having one of those small mirrors inside the shower so i can shave mid shower... It's just a whole lot easier to shave mid-shower, as opposed to out in the sink. Plus, when my hair gets longer, i can make a mohawk with some shampoo... that's always fun.
-Towel Rack: I need a towel rack directly outside my shower (preferably on the opposite side of the water stream) so i can wipe my face off after i wash my hair, or anytime i feel like i have too much water on my face... anyone who has known me for very long knows that one of my BIGGEST pet peaves is getting water spashed in my face* (whether i'm already wet or not does NOT matter... anytime i have extra drops of water on my face bugs the shit outta me.) So i usually wipe my face off 3-4 times per shower cause i can't stand water on my face.

Well folks that's it... that's my theory on showers. I would also like to point out that even though i mentioned Chelsea's shower in the beginning of this post, i had a pleasurable shower experience in her shower. In fact, that's what sparked my thought. Cause i was expecting it to be a bad experience (it doesn't look like a very appetizing shower), but it came through and i was happy with its performance. Even though it scored poorly in the lighting, water control, and curtain categories, the stream on it was so nice, that it made up for those things... which goes to show how a good stream of water can make or break your shower.

*Another reason i hate having water splashed on my face is that i have to clean my glasses off whenever there's a drop on there... and that can get annoying.

Songs I Am Keeping on My Ipod but I'm Still Embarrassed About Having on There.

2006-10-02T00:51:00.000-04:00

If you read my post about the songs that needs to come off my ipod, you already know what's coming. For those that didn't read that post... SCROLL DOWN YOU LAZY BASTARDS!

Anyway... I must first point out that even though my last post was about how i was going to delete things off my ipod, i have yet to do that. Oh i've added songs... but i didn't go through and delete those horrid songs. In fact, a couple of them have come up on random and i'm like "damnit... i need to get those offa here."

So now, here's the list of songs that i like, but would be embarrassed if they came on in a car full of people. And i do want to point out that i am being completely honest here so give me a little slack on some of them... i'd like to see you fess up to some of the songs YOU secretly like. Cowards.

The Bee Gees - Jive Talkin, Night Fever, You Should be Dancing, Stayin Alive, How Deep is Your Love, More than a Woman.
A lot of these songs come on at the Weggs, and i secretly grove out to them trying not to get caught by my boss, who would make a lot of fun of me. (By the way, Chris, if you're reading this, i hate you already.) But i do have a solid reason not to be embarrassed about this song, and it comes in the form of a quote. "I mean Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees."

Blackhawk - Goodbye Says It All.
This one USED to be embarrassing, but not so much anymore... if you don't know the band, just imagine mid 90s country band with a guy trying to be super cool on the keyboards. The harmony is awesome on this song, and it's really fun to play/sing with the band. This time period was probably the beginning of the end of good country music in my book.

Aretha Franklin - Think.
This is only on the ipod cause it's on the blues brothers soundtrack, but i do enjoy a large black woman givin some attitude to a man... MMMMMMHUMMMMMM.

Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy.
This song was played so much, it's legs fell off... and the scary part about it is that it didn't have legs to begin with! But i do love this song... great melody... and it's only him... no instruments or anything!

Cardigans - Love Fool.
This song has some of the coolest chords in the world. Cool groove. The video was a little weird. But i do like this song. Only problem is that the mp3 i have has a funny effect on it so it sounds like it goes in and out of fuzzyness/clearness. does that make sense?

Chuck Mangione - Feels So Good.
Only reason this song is embarrassing is that the dude's name is Chuck Mangione... looks too much like Mangina. Fantastic Jazz piece though, you can whistle along to the tune very easily... and if you don't know how to whistle, just play around with it in the shower, only takes about a week.

Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.
At least that's what the mp3 i downloaded freshman year is labeled. People either really liked this song, or really hated it... i still like it. And it still brings images of tonya harding to my mind whenever it comes on... thank you Weird Al.

Daniel Beddingfield - If You're Not the One.
Out of all the songs i list today, this is probably the most embarrassing... It's the closest to a boy band song as one can get without actually having a boy band. In fact, this song is so out of my normal listening habits that i almost feel gay when i listen to it. (not that there's anything wrong with that). But i'm not, backer down there people. This song has one of the coolest chorus melodies around.

Dee Lite - Groove is in the Heart.
How can people not like this song... SO good. but once again, i get mixed reviews from numerous people. It's such a fun song though.

Dirty Vegas - Days Go By.
This song origionally started out as a techno song with a BADASS video. I started liking this song purely for the dancer in the video. But i have an acoustic version of the song on my ipod which is surprisingly good for a song that started as techno. Who'da thunk it?

Fastball - The Way.
One Hit Wonder. This song was played so much during the summer it came out, i was sick of it. But i DL'ed it back Freshman year and it's been in the playlist since. Great song for summer. Windows down, driving anywhere.

Hootie and the Blowfish - Most of the stuff on Cracked Rear View.
I don't understand the ups and downs of these guys career... people just started hating them... i don't get it. Their music stayed the same, it was all cool music... but for some reason, the public went all Vanilla Ice on their asses. Shame too...

Idigo Girls - Various songs.
No i'm not a lesbian. But i do like women... so i'm like half lesbian. i guess. But there was a time that i listened to a lot of indigo girls with my friend Nora... who just happens to be gay... but that's beside the point... either way, they have some great songs and great harmonies, and there's a lotta good stuff on their albums.

Jewel - Standing Still, and a couple others.
I only have Standing Still on the ipod, i don't have the others. But i played Standing Still with the teacher band for OHS Talent Show a couple years ago and it's a cool song... Anything that Byers sings RULES!

John Mayer - Every Studio Album.
This one isn't quite as embarrassing, but still some people look at me weird when i say i bought John Mayer's new album. almost like they take a second look at me and think, "Boy i didn't think Jeff was an 8th grade female." But that's alright, he's got some killer studio albums.

Kris Kross - Jump.
Ok this one isn't embarrassing, but i had to list it in here cause it's awesome. The Mac Daddy will make ya.... The daddy mac will make ya... Kris Kross will make ya!

La Tour - People are Still Having Sex.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This song rules. If you described this song to me before i ever heard it, i would not believe that it's a real song. Thank you Tom for introducing me to this masterpiece of song. It really is brilliant. I can't not smile when i hear this song. A must-listen-to-er.

Michelle Branch - Goodbye to You.
Just a cool chick singing and playing a guitar... she's got a simplicity that is cool.

No Doubt - Don't Speak, Hella Good, and Underneath it All.
Don't Speak has one of the coolest guitar solos. Hella good is a good dance song, i tend to change it about halfway through everytime. And underneath it all is probably my favorite... i love the groove and theres some potential for so great 3 part harmonies all over the place.

Rain, the Park, and Other Things - Flowers in Her Hair.
It's in the scene in Dumb and Dumber where he's fantasizing about how Mary will react when he gets to Aspen. How can you not like this song?

Sade - Smooth Operator.
This song is very chill. yay!

Soul Decision - Faded.
YES. Another one you might hear in a dance club, but it totally rules. Julia threw this song on the ipod with steve and myself in the car on the way to West Virginia, and it was probably the best 3 and a half minutes of music i've ever heard in a car. Think cheesy road trip movie... and multiply it by like 6... I mean we had seperate parts in the song... all 3 of us knew all the words (cept the rap part, but i suck at learning rap words... well.. i suck at learning ALL words... but it's ok.) Now i will always think of those 2 when the song comes on. That was a great trip.

Sytlistics - La La (Means I Love You).
The first time i heard this song was on the movie "Family Man." I liked it on there, so i figured i'd listen to the whole song. Plus Dad likes it so it wasn't hard to get ahold of.

Super Mario Brothers - Theme.
Yes, i am that much of a nerd. i have the origional SMB song on my ipod... and i've cruised down the road with windows down, level 1 blaring for all to hear.

Adam Sandler - Grow Old With You.
From Wedding Singer... yes, i have it on my ipod. i'm not lying. actually i have the whole album... but this is a good song. I need to get the song from 50 first dates "forgetful lucy." That's a good song too.

Will Smith - Just Cruisin'.
This song is off the MIB soundtrack.. and was the second release from that album, after (you guessed it) Men in Black.

Alright, that's all i have for now. It's 2:10 and i'm tired. Hope you enjoyed.

Refrigerator-Ate-Her.

2006-09-20T01:14:00.000-04:00

So this weekend i went to the rent's house for a jam sunday night. In the basement of my parent's house, we have about 7 mini-fridges. Ok so maybe not 7, more like 3. Two of them weren't even plugged in. So i took it upon myself to make my little bachelor pad of an upstairs at the LP a little more lazy rewarding. Now one of those 3 refrigerators is now in the 3rd floor of the LP waiting to be filled with 6 packs of be.....soda.

Now all i need is someone to bring me stuff from my fridge to my computer, and i'll be set.

I Need Some Fucking Ketchup.

2006-09-13T02:43:00.000-04:00

As dane cook has stated in one of his comedy routines... when you need ketchup, there is nothing that can stop you at this goal. Your friend could be contemplating suicide and you'd interrupt them to get some ketchup for your hot tasty french fries. But enough on how awesome ketchup is... it's time to divulge into the dark side of this tomato-based product.

The bane of my existance is what one would call the "ketchup packet." You all have seen them, we've all used them, we all hate them.

First of all, this tiny metal packet is filled with about thimble's worth of ketchup. Who the hell uses 1 packet of ketchup for their entire meal? Have you ever seen ANYONE use just 1 packet? No. You haven't. Cause it doesn't happen... Some of you are thinking "but what if i don't like ketchup?" Shutup, i'm not talking to the weird people who prefer to put mustard on their food instead of ketchup... go read mustard users magazine, cause no one cares... anyways, if you're only using 1 packet of ketchup, there's a strong chance that it's the last ketchup packet in the joint.

Secondly, it's so much work having to open every single packet just to get a small amount out... all these places that still have packets need to get those ketchup pumps. So the ketchup fiends like myself and Steiner can get our fix.

There are also some people in this world who don't open a ketchup packet properly... you know who you are you lazy mofos. You're the people who just make 1 rip down the center of the packet, and just leave half of the ketchup still in the packet when you dispose of it... shameful. The correct way to do it is to tear off a corner, that way your fingers can stay ketchup free and you can squeeze out all the ketchup outta the packet.

As if all of this wasn't enough, there's also 1 more thing that can sneak up on you and ruin your dining experience....

That gunk that is almost ALWAYS on some of the packets in the collection of packets.... what the hell is this crap... it looks like freaking honey. It's sticky as hell and is just repulsive when you get some on your hands. Is it glue from the manufacturing of the packets? is it actually honey? is it dried ketchup? who the hell knows.... but what i DO know is that it's disgusting. and it's almost on your hands when you grab from a ketchup bin.

And yes, i know the packet in the picture isn't in english... leave me alone, it was the first one i found on google.

Another Song That's Getting the Axe.

2006-09-06T15:05:00.000-04:00

I came across Bryan Adam's "Everything I Do, I Do it for You" today. it's getting the axe too... that's all for now... bye bye.

Top 10 Worst Beer Pong Rules Ever.

2006-09-05T01:42:00.000-04:00

And by 10, i mean, i'm just going to list some rules that piss me off. if it happens to be 10, then it's by accident. it might be more, it might be less. Be happy if there's 10.

But the reason that i'm even writing this is because something has been lost in the past few years. It all started when myself and the boys went to JMU for our high school college day (where you were allowed to skip school if you were going to a college and went on a college tour). This was the first time i ever played beer pong (sorry Mom and Dad, but you knew it was going to happen... you're not dumb). Anyways, this was a great evening where a much simple-er game was played. Nowadays, people have stupid ass crazy rules for the game and ruin the point of the game.

Now for all yous in college, skip this paragraph, cause i'm gonna go over the basics for the elder generation so they know what's going on with these moronic rules. So the game goes like this, 2 teams of 2 (that's 4 people folks), both on opposite ends of a long table (or kitchen pantry door). 6 Solo cups arranged in a triangle are placed on each side of the table. These cups are then filled with a pre-determined amount of beer.... usually "the first line" or about an inch's worth of beer. Then, the 2 members of each team try to throw a ping pong ball into the opposing team's cups. The opposing team has to drink the beer in the cup that your ball lands in(which is in turn removed from the playing surface). If both players on a team make a cup, then they get to take another 2 shots. Whoever makes all 6 cups first wins, and generally, the cups that your opponents didn't make, they have to consume (in addition to the 6 cups you made).

I like to think of beer pong as being more of a fun skill game to play while drinking, where most other people do it just to get really drunk, really quick... so they come up with retarded rules to make it more about being an alcoholic, than a talented ping pong ball thrower. So all those who use beer pong as an excuse to massively chug beers, go get a beer bong and stop reading, cause you're probably not going to be happy with some of my least favorite rules. The game should be more about enjoying the game and less about getting sloshed.... anyone can get sloshed... it takes skill and practice to actually be good at beer pong. So here goes:

-You must finish all of your beer before you are allowed to shoot.
This is for frat boys, and people who like vomiting. I'll finish my beer, at my own pace, but i ALWAYS finish whatever i win/lose. Most males in college like this rule cause they're all pussies and if they didn't have to chug their beer to get their shot, they'd probably never finish all their beer. And once again, this is more about enjoying the game than getting drunk.

-Bitches blow.
This was a fairly new rule to me when i moved into my apartment sophomore year... This is a rule that if your shot is "rimming out" or "toilet bowling" then a female is allowed to blow the ball out of the cup before it hits the beer. This is a faulty rule for a couple of reasons. #1 girls should NOT get any extra help for playing, they need to learn how to play like the rest of us. #2 I have successfully blown a ping pong ball out of a cup when it was just sitting on the beer. there's no way to tell if the ball hit the beer or not, so it's basically going on trust, cause the team that shot the ball can't see down into the cup. I've gotten into many-a-arguments over this rule, people trying to cheat, thinking that people are cheating, whatever... it's a dumb rule and girls need to learn how to play without cheating.

-There's not a name for it, but it's the male counterpart to bitches blow.
I've only seen this once, and i'm sorry to say that it was at my almost roomate's place. The rule is that if the ball is still spinning around the cup, you are allowed to reach in a try to knock it out before it hits the beer. This is just asking for beer all over the place. If the ball goes in the cup, and ends up at the bottom of the cup, who cares how long it takes for it to actually get to the beer.... just let it go and drink the beer in it... and quit trying to get around the other team making cups.

-If you make 2 balls in the same cup, it's game over, you win... no ifs ands or buts.
FUCK THIS RULE. It rewards people for shooting fast and not actually trying. If your partner shoots and makes it in a cup, and you happen to make your shot in the same cup, it means you shot too fast and didn't give the other team a chance to remove the cup from the playing field. Instead of trying to shoot right after your partner so the other team doesn't have time to pick up a made cup, you should actually learn how to play, and make 6 cups to win... it's not that hard, quit trying to make shortcuts out of the game. Now this rule is very similar to the "if you make it in an opposing player's drinking cup, then you win." I'm ok with this rule with some stipulations. #1 If there is someone playing who is drinking out of something other than a solo cup, then that will make it an unfair advantage to one of the teams (big cup = unfair advantage for opponent). #2 All players are using 1 cup to pour their beer into after the other team makes each shot. If you're drinking from 7 cups, then you can't really single out the person's "drinking cup."

-Various racks other than the diamond, triangle, or OO.
Generally you get 1 re-rack upon request... sometimes forced reracks... i like both of these rules. I will now go over acceptable and unacceptable rerackings.
Acceptable Racks:

Both of these are cheating, cause it produces a vertical straight line (which is slightly easier to make). If you have 3 cups, it needs to be the triangle...

-When both players make their shots, You only get 1 ball returned.
Rollbacks are a such a great thing, why ruin it by only giving back 1 and not giving the chance for double rollbacks? a team that can consistantly get rollbacks is a team that's gonna win a lot.

-Bouncing.
I can go either way with this. Sometimes i like bouncing, sometimes i don't. But what i don't like, is when a person shoots, it hits off the cup, bounces off a wall or something and THEN goes into the cup and people counting it as 2 (if you bounce the ball in it's like you made 2 cups, but the other team can swat it away). If you purposely try to bounce it in to get 2 cups, then you should be rewarded for that. but if you miss a normal shot and it happens to bounce and go in, it shouldn't even count.

-Not so much of a rule, just a way of playing.
I came across 2 people from ODU who liked to shoot their first shot (most times a bounce) right as i was releasing the ball. What a cheap way to play, avoiding the defense cause i was still shooting instead of looking for the bounce. On my 3rd time, i pretended to shoot and the guy shot his shot, so i made him drink 2 for shooting before me... prick.

-Another not-rule.
Anyone who complains about the house rules should be banned off the table.... cause its annoying. Granted, I have complained about the "make to balls in the same cup and it's game over rule" at many-a places, but i refused to play beer pong at these places ever again.

That's all i can handle right now, i might throw some more in the comments later... and if you have any that you hate, throw them up there.

It Makes You Want to Punch a Baby.

2006-08-29T13:57:00.000-04:00

I HATE it when people are standing in front of the yogurt (just an example), deciding on what to buy, and after looking at the nutrition facts of whatever they're looking at, put it back in the wrong spot.

That being said, there's a right way to put things back in the wrong spot, and there's a wrong way. I will describe what i'm ok with and what pisses me off below.

Reasons why i get so mad at people who put things back in the wrong spot:
- if i'm standing right next to you filling something on the shelves and i can see you, it's probably a bad time to put whatever you're looking at in the wrong spot. To me it says "Fuck you, i don't care if you have to fix what i'm doing, even though i am STANDING WHERE THE ITEM GOES CAUSE I JUST PICKED IT UP."
-If you are still in the same 4 foot strech of supermarket when you decide that something you picked up off the shelf is not what you want to buy, put it back where you found it. It almost takes more effort to put it back in the wrong spot.
-There is NO POSSIBLE WAY to put something back in the wrong spot on accident. Because you picked it up, you had to be standing there...

The only time it's ok to put stuff back in the wrong spot is if you are nowhere close to the section you got it.... For example, if i'm walking around walmart, and i decide i want to buy Air Bud on DVD an pick it up, then later decide that it's probably a bad idea and i can catch it on HBO later tonight, and i'm in the Panteen Pro V section, i'm ok with making Air Bud a health and beauty item. This is because i'd have to walk all the way back to the electronics area. When i see some bacon or something in my section, i'm ok with that, cause it's a long walk just to take back some bacon.

That's it for now.

Songs I Need to Take Off My Ipod.

2006-08-13T23:57:00.000-04:00

As i was driving to Tech this "weekend" (i have off monday and tuesday), i had my ipod on random like a usually do, and came across a record number of songs that i would really be embarrassed if they came on in public. So here goes... all the songs i'm taking off my ipod once i get back to the LP.

Christina Aguilera - Come on Over.
Yes... this is actually on my ipod. At one point in my life i thought this was a cool dance song... hello 6 years ago. goodbye this song.

Baha Men - Who let the dogs out?
I can't help but laugh at myself for actually downloading this song, let alone have it on the ipod. But i must say, everytime it's come on, i laugh for the first "who let the dog's out... woof woof woof" and by the last woof, it's changed...

New Kids on the Block - Step by Step, Hangin Tough, and the Right Stuff.
The trifecta of NKotB. also a good one to have a laugh at for the first 3 seconds of each song... only with these songs, after i laugh, i cry, cause it's sad that I still have them on there.

Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up.
Sorry Dad, i know you love this song, but i can't handle listening to this whole song.

The Hampster Dance.
You guys remember that webpage that had this cute hamster dancing on it to a techno song called the hampster dance? well i do. I have it on my ipod. probably one of the most annoying songs ever made. still funny though.

Lifehouse - Hanging by a Moment.
I used to like this song. a while ago. but now it's just annoying. and it reminds me of Nickelback. and nickelback makes me want to stab things. so it's getting the axe.

Nine Days - Absolutely (the story of a girl).
"who cried a river and drowned the whole world." that's not depressing at all. not in the least bit..... This song was so overplayed, that i'm surprised it made it onto the ipod in the first place... Although, out of all of these songs, this is the one that i'll probably still keep (even though its on this list). It's probably the least hated song on this list.

Every Queen song minus the good ones.
The good ones being Bohemian Rhapsody, We will rock you, We are the champions, and under pressure (which i don't really like, but you gotta have it on there cause it's what Vanilla Ice ripped off.)

That's it.

Coming soon... Songs I Am Keeping on My Ipod but I'm Still Embarrassed About Having on There.

Holy Hell.

2006-08-12T14:06:00.000-04:00

I just hung up the phone with the worst telemarketer i've ever talked to. This is how the conversation went.

Retarded Lady: Hi my name is _______, is the ...(pause, i hear typing in the background)....
Me: No Thanks. Have a nice day.
RL: This is Verizon and this is very important information.
Me: Ok, go on (Since verizon was over here yesterday to install stuff i figured i'd give her another shot just in case this actually was important.)
RL: We are conducting a survey on television usage for......(another pause, i can still hear typing in the background.)
Me: I don't want to take a survey.
RL: Sir, your information will be confidential, we will.... (pause)....
Me: I'm busy. I gotta go. *click*

Now i could've really laid into this woman for not knowing how to talk, but i find that writing a blog entry while i'm still steaming from her not learning how to talk would be a better output than yelling at this lady.

I wish i had it recorded.

The Best and Worst Parties of All Time.

2006-08-08T11:59:00.000-04:00

After this awesome weekend, i thought i've realized that the last 2 parties i've been to happened to be the worst, and then the best parties i've ever been to. I'll start off with the best.

I'm gonna go ahead and say that the best party i've been to is any one that is called OBB. Shocker right? Anyways... it's a full day of drinking, music and drinking. How can you beat that? With flipcup, and horseshoes too, it makes no room for other parties to compare. For all those who are OBB virgins, i really feel sorry for you guys, cause you don't know what you're missing. NOTHING is more important than OBB. and with Cinco De OBB coming up next year... i hope to see you all there, cause i'll be there.... having the best time of the whole year.... every year.

Ok, now that i've said that, time to talk about the worst party i've ever been to. (And if you happen to read this Hanson, i'm sorry, but seriously... you guys need to work on your party throwing skills.)

Anyways, i went to GMU to hang out with my friend Nick Hanson for a random party he told me about, so i was excited. The trip started out kinda shitty, cause mapquest directions basically just stop. (it's in a court, but the court isn't actually in mapquest, so the directions just stop at the entrance of the court.) But i eventually found it, parked my car where it was going to stay all night, and into the morning, since i had planned on spending the night there. Once i got there, things were great... met up with some old OHS people i hadn't seen in years. played some beer pong, kicked some ass, and lost the next game, and went about my way. by this time, i'm about 3-4 beers into the night, when one of my underage friends arrives(whose name is being withheld to protect the guilty. hahaha). once he shows up, we go get a beer, and as we walk up to the keg, one of nick's friends says to me "seven dollars please."

7 freaking dollars for this party. This is unacceptable. i don't care if you're serving Crystal... if it's a college party, $3 is the most you ask for, if you ask at all. but seven dollars, give me a freaking break.

So i walk over to nick in his room and ask him wtf is up with 7 dollars, and he looks at me like "what's wrong with that?" and says "how about 5?"

I didn't want to argue, so i just threw down $10 for myself and my friend... we'll call him Jim so i don't have to keep saying "underage friend."

So Jim goes over to get his beer, and comes back with X's on his hand. They asked him if he was over 21, and when he said no, they x'ed him, then proceeded to give him some beer.
From a college party standpoint, this should never happen. I understand that they're just trying to protect themselves from trouble, but if you're gonna try to protect yourself, don't let him drink. that's simple enough... don't give him the X mark of death. if he wanted x's on his hands, we would've gone to a bar.

By the time all of this had happened, i had drunk enough to where i couldn't drive home, so i was stuck. So Jim and i just hung out by ourselves, trying not to draw attention from the large amount of douches that were attending said party.

As the night was dying down, Jim and I sat down on the couches to "claim" them for the night ahead, when this random kid comes up to me and starts talking shit to me for NO REASON.

Retarded Kid: Did you just look at me? FUCK YOU.
Me: What?
RK: You want to fight me?
Me: Are you joking?
RK: You're a pussy, come say shit to my face.
Me (to Jim): Is this really happening?
Jim: I think so.

RK walked away without saying anything else...I thought he was joking. like seriously, i thought he was trying to be funny.

About 5 minutes later he walked past Jim and myself....

Me: What's up man, you feeling better?
RK: Did you say something to me? (walks over next to my face like a big man who wants to fight)
Me: Dude, i was kidding relax.
RK: Fuck you say something else.
Me:
RK: That's right, i'm a big tough guy who likes men.

Ok so that last line i kinda made up. but it's probably true. As RK walked away, Jim said to me
"if that kid did anything to you, i so had your back, cause he's retarded."

That made me feel better.... but not about the party. it sucked.

I spent the next 8-10 hours trying to sleep through people talking. 1 conversation happened to be at around 4:37 am about something stupid where i turned around and said "SHUT THE HELL UP IT'S 4:37.... GO TO BED" which did the trick.

That's my story.

Girls are Evil.

2006-07-06T02:31:00.000-04:00

I can do a lot of complicated things. I can play drums. I can play guitar. I can spin a basketball on my finger. I can juggle. I can throw a ping pong ball into a beer filled up across the room.

But for the love of god, i can not figure out girls.

I thought i was doing good there for a while, but once again, i'm completely lost. It's like they're bred to send mixed signals. So my question for you, is what is the real signal, and what is the fake signal. cause it usually turns out that i go for the fake at a 90% rate. it's an accurate number. i swear.

So what i'm trying to say is... make up your damn minds and help a brother out, let me know what the story is cause it could be painted on the wall and i wouldn't be able to figure it out.

Probably the Best One I've Seen.

2006-07-04T23:49:00.000-04:00

So a customer comes up to me at WeggyWorld the other day and asks me a really dumb question...you can see the layout of the scene with my lovely hand drawn drawing.

He then proceeds to ask me "Where is the velveeta?"

This question comes up a lot at Wegman's, and i'm used to answering it, so i think nothing of it and begin to point to where the velveeta is.

This is when it happened... He interrupts my hand motion and speech to continue with his question.... "I come in here all the time and the velveeta is usually on this little rack." He then proceeds to point to the little rack that the velveeta is ACTUALLY STORED ON.

Now i could approach this answer (like most) in two ways....

Answer #1
Me: Well sir, the velveeta actually is stored on that little rack, check the bottom shelf of it, you might find some there.
Customer: Oh, i see it now, thanks.

Answer #2:
Me: You are retarded.
Customer: I know.

Seeing as how i like not being fired, i chose answer #1.

I had to restrain myself from laughing though... cause i thought it was quite hilarious.

OBB

2006-06-27T12:08:00.000-04:00

If i have metioned to you about coming to the obb and did not get an invite, please contact me about it..... Mom wants a headcount via email...

If you don't have an email.....

LIVE IN THE NOW, YOU'LL NEVER AFFORD IT!

sorry, wayne's world moment...

New "real" post coming soon... lotta ideas to write about now.

More On Sean.

2006-04-30T16:17:00.000-04:00

After a full night to reflect on this situation, i decided that writing that blog was very theraputic. so i'm going to go ahead and write about the "let me drive your car home drunk" incident that i noted in the previous blog. But this was about a month ago... or so.... but i will try to recap things as accurate as possible.

So that weekend was the weekend that Steve was coming down to hang out/party. and i was excited about it. So we decided to go downtown with jon and throw some darts... cause darts is a fun and entertaining game while drinking at a bar. So steve and i call Jon and ask him to partake with us, and he agrees. But sean is home... and any chance to drink WITH people he jumps at the chance. So steve and i drive over to pick jon and sean up in my car. On the ride over there i warn steve about sean by saying something like, "Now sean can be cool, but he can also be a large asshole, please, for the love of god, do not fight him under any circumstance." and steve is baffled by this but he promises and we go and pick them up. So we go park and walk to the bar. We get there and play darts for a good 3-4 hours, all the while drinking and having a great time. Sean was awesome, being cool, hanging out playing darts. It was an awesome night.

So once last call comes, we start walking back to my car. so once we get close to the car, i say "we should get McDonald's" to buy me some more time getting a ride. so sean and jon go into mcy d's to get some food while steve and i wait outside. All the while i'm calling cab companies around the blacksburg area for a ride cause i know that none of us are decent enough to drive. No avail... i get answering machines. so i apologize to steve and ask him if he's cool walking home. he's more than happy with that, cause let's face it, we're drunk.... it's not going to hurt as much as a sober walk. after which steve begins to tell me that my assesment of sean is all wrong, because he was being cool all night and showed no sign of douchebaggery. that's when sean and jon come out of the mcy d's with yummy delicious goodies. I regretfully inform them that none of the cab companies or friends of mine are answering their phones for a ride home. Which means we're gonna have to walk. this is the point in the story where sean doesn't get his way and flips out.

Sean: I can drive, give me the keys and let's go home.
Jeff: Dude, we've been drinking in a bar for 4 hours, no one is good enough to drive.
Sean: I'm good, let me drive.
Jeff: No, you're not driving my car drunk. i've called all the cab companies in the area and can't get an answer, we're gonna have to walk.
Sean: Fuck you give me your keys or i'll beat your ass.
(this does not make steve happy)
Jeff: I'm sorry for stranding you downtown, but it's not that bad of a walk, steve and i are walking home.
Sean: If you leave me here, i'm never going downtown with you again.
Jeff: steve and i are walking home... bye.

Steve and i start walking and he starts yelling "i'm going to kick your ass" and so i'm holding steve back and walking away from sean cause i want nothing to do with a drunken fight at mcy d's. and steve remembered his promise and walked away with me.

For the next 10 minutes steve and i are walking at a feverish pace cause our adrenaline was running and we were just talking about how much of an ass sean was.

Steve: I now see what you mean about sean. I'm sorry i didn't see it before.
Jeff: i tried to warn you.

So after 10 minutes of sean bashing, we hear loud footsteps behind us and turn to find Jon running to catch up with us. No Sean. Jon proceeds to tell us how pissed off sean was and that he was calling his friends to come pick him up and how he didn't want to wait around with him. Jon ran at least a half a mile to catch up with us. So we walk the rest of the way home. once i get home sean ims me with "If you ever leave me stranded downtown again, i'll kill you." I do not respond to this. After that sean puts a jeff bashing away message on his screen name and does whatever he does at his apartment.

This was the final shebang for me and sean. i could handle being around him in the past cause most of the time he was fine. But after this incident, i never wanted to be around him again. cause up until that point, he had gotten in a fight at my 21st birthday party, which i forgave him for in my mind cause he was drunk, and sometimes those things happen. but had i known this was going to be a pattern, i would've cut it off immediately.

So after the car incident, i never wanted to be around him, and from reports from jon, he could not understand why i don't ever hang around anymore. even after jon repeats to him "because you tried to fight him to drive his car home drunk."

And that's pretty much everything about sean that you need to know. I don't ever intend on seeing him again, and i hope to god i don't. Cause people who try to start fights have no place in my life. Anyone who knows me and my stance on fights, i say "Fuck Fights."

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

What A Night.

2006-04-30T02:25:00.000-04:00

So the night started out great. Wesley came over and we had dinner at the BK Lounge and watched a little bit of a movie. She then decided that since she had been up since 6 this morning that she'd run home and get some sleep. I was fine with that. So i take her to her car (which was parked at jon's apartment cause Collegiate Suites visitor parking was full). And since i'm right next to jon's i figured i'd go in and see what he and Larissa were up to. They were watching Goodfellas. So i decided to join them.

Once the movie was over, i tried to play jon's Xbox360... Call to Duty 2 is hard. i'm no good at it. So i quit and as i'm handing up the controller, jon's roomate sean calls him and tells him that he's on the way home from the bar. This is my que to leave. Most of you know i'm not a big sean fan. Never really have been. And since he had been drinking, i figure it's better for me to just avoid him like the plague... like i've been doing since the "let me drive your car home drunk" incident. If you want to hear about said incident, just ask me, it's a lot easier just to tell you. I comment on some of my other qualms with him in my boston trip entry. (its in the sunday paragraph).

Anyways, i make it home, and about 5 minutes later, i get an im from Sean.... which quickly turns into a "come say that to my face and i'll kick your ass" thing, cause that's what he does. Now i admit that some of the things i said were purposely said to get under his skin, because if he is gonna instigate something with me, and and get under my skin, i should have the same right.... right? Well having cooled down and thought about it for a bit, i realize that i was acting childish in participating in this conversation at all... cause all it's doing is pissing me off, and obviously pissing him off... and once i got pissed, i just started saying things that i shouldn't have... Now you're thinking i said some messed up shit just to piss him off. That's not what i'm refering to... anything i said is the truth in how i see him. the things i shouldn't have said involve jon... and get jon into trouble with sean. and because he has to live with him, all of sean's anger gets spilled onto jon's plate.... not mine. So i feel really bad about doing that, but it really pissed sean off so i guess it's bittersweet.

So before you read this conversation, it's important to note that this is the full extent of the conversation. i didn't cut off anything from the beginning of the conversation. He started with "Sean: the fact that you're scared of me is hilarious"

Convo (screen name changed to protect his aim identity).

After spending about 2 hours to write this, i also wanted to remind you that this is the same sean that got in a fight at my 21st birthday party and wanted to beat up everyone at the party afterwards.

Hopefully this will be the last contact ever with him. 'Cause as Senora Byers says: "life's to short to hang out with assholes."

Bill Nye The Science Guy.

2006-04-28T01:53:00.000-04:00

As i was watching tv tonight, i stumbled across Bill Nye the Science Guy. An old show i used to watch back in the day. And let me tell you, i still like watching this show. It's funny, entertaining, and educational. Maybe it's one of those nostalgic things for me, because i basically know everything that they're talking about. the episode tonight was about inventions. Either accidental, or on purpose. Anyways, bill nye rules.

My Phone.

2006-04-27T19:49:00.000-04:00

I love my phone. People say to me "why didn't you answer your phone?" all the time. The answer is: because it didn't ring.

If my phone rings, and i hear/feel it, i'll answer. but if i'm in my room, there's probably a 15-20% chance that my phone won't even ring. It'll ring on your end, and it'll even go to voicemail. but it won't ring. It won't even know someone has called.

If you leave a voicemail, sometimes it'll beep at me saying i have a voicemail, but i have no clue when it was left due to there being no missed calls, or it never ringing.

Back when i was in a relationship, this caused a lot of problems cause she would think that i was avoiding her and not want to answer. I just hope people who call me and i don't answer realize this as what's happening. If you call me, and i don't answer... it's cause my phone isn't ringing, or i just can't hear it or feel it. and in this case, i'll see the missed call and probably call you back.... if i like you. And i like most people who have my number.

Girls.

2006-04-26T19:40:00.000-04:00

Females. They're a different species. We all know this... women are from venus, men are from mars. and Mars being the most inhabitable planet next to earth, i'd say men are better, but i'm kinda biased. Anyways, i didn't come here to pick a fight. I came here to examine something i've come to notice about girls/women in general. Some girls more than others... but generally speaking, universal.

Girls hate each other.

They can pretend all they want, they hate each other.

There's a song that's popular now, it's even in a commercial on tv. It goes "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" Yes. i do. if i had a girlfriend. but i don't. This is a prime example of how they hate each other. Cause since this song has come out... i know every single girl (and some taken ones too) have at least thought that about some boy or another. you know why? cause they hate each other. And nothing says hate like seduction of a taken man.

"I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
That's why whenever I come around
She's all over you
And I know you want it (I know you want it)
It's easy to see (it's easy to see)
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be on with me

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was fun like me "

A little arrogant too isn't it? Men compete for women on a more civilized manner. You both battle it out, and whoever wins, that's who wins... none of this secret sniper action. If the girl picks you, you win. that's the end of it.

As most of you women are reading this i can already tell what you're thinking.
"Girls are not a prize won by man."
Yes they are. if you think not, consider this.... Why do you think sports stars and movie stars marry supermodels? cause they're soul mates? i think not.

You might also be thinking, "I do not hate other women."
Well, you might not now, but you did. and you have. and you probably still do. you're just lying to yourself.

And my final point.... any women who are still unconvinced, let me ask you a question.... what exactly was your first thought about the pretty girl at the top of this article?

That's what i thought.

Norah Jones.

2006-04-25T02:28:00.000-04:00

As i'm sitting here "thumbing" through Norah Jones' website... i've come to one conclusion. I Love Norah Jones.

I 've been saying it for a while... but seriously, i could listen to her music all day. everyday. and not even care... in fact, whenever one of her songs comes on random on my ipod or winamp, i usually start from the beginning and play all the music i have of hers. (which is just her 2 albums and a live version of "Don't know why" from her Leno performance.) I mean i feel all warm and fuzzy when i listen to her music. If i'm feeling angry or upset for any reason, i can put her on the winamp, and i'll just zone out and end up feeling better.

I have 2 ways to get out of a bad mood funk... playing my guitar, and norah jones.... and sometime when girls dressed up as batman yell into my window at 3am and scare the shit outta me does it too... but i don't have a team of batman-dressing-up-women on call for when i'm in a bad mood, so i can always rely on norah jones and/or my guitar.

Not to mention how fun it is to play the melodies that she sings on the guitar as a solo... that's fun... i think i'll do that now... yeah... i'll do that now.

Mom.

2006-04-21T15:18:00.000-04:00

Should i be embarrassed that my Mom's blog has a higher readership/commentship than mine?

Bahston.

2006-04-18T15:12:00.000-04:00

I went to Boston on Saturday. It was fantastic. I mean probably one of the best weekends i've had probably since being in vegas. Let me elaborate.

Thursday, 2 days till the show:
Jon, myself and Sean the douchebag drive home and i read The Da Vinci Code in the backseat with my ipod playing Norah Jones and Regan so i don't have to listen to anything Sean has to say. But i was in my own little world for 4 hours on the road reading my book. Once i got home, i directly went to the best place in the world... Chipotle. And it was fantastic. Exquisite. Then i basically watched tv the rest of the night.

Friday, 1 day till the show:
I wake up at around 1:30ish, hit the shower and walk downstairs to an empty house. My parents have gone to WV for Easter weekend. So i call up 15-20 friends for an all out party. We went and got a keg, and got hammered and decided to drive around town for a bit... just kidding people, i sat and watched tv all day. with yet another trip to chipotle because let's face it people, i was only going to be in town the rest of the day so i gotta get my fill while i can. Later on Mike comes by and we make some loud and abusive tunes for an hour or two... who knows. But we hung out and i taught him the Time solo again to refresh his memory. But after my fingers about wanted to fall off from bending strings we head upstairs and watch some tv. He's gotta work at 6:30 tomorrow, and i have to leave for boston at 6 tomorrow. So he heads out and i finally make it to bed. I also tell him to call me at 5:30 cause i need a team of experts to get me outta bed.

Saturday, BOSTON BABY!:
5 freaking 30. i roll outta bed and directly into the shower. This helps me wake up. By the end of the shower, i'm trying to control my excitement, but failing miserably. So i hop out, get dressed and get my things in order. Jon shows up and he is driving the first leg... this is the shock of the century cause jon never volunteers to drive. so i accept. We head straight to 7-11 for munchies and energy drinks. Tall boy amp. greatest creation ever. So we head towards 66 and it's raining. "This is not good," I thought to myself. Then we turn onto 66 and the clouds part and the sun comes out... Traffic parts, and we cruise toward boston with no traffic to slow us down... Lucky break we thought.... then about 2 hours later, still no traffic. 2 hours later... nothing. by this time it's my turn to drive and we're almost outta NJ. So we get breakfast and switch. No traffic. Magically, we make it to boston at 2:30. (By the way, GPS navigation systems make trips to places you've never been almost painless. Brilliant. better creation than tall boy amps.) We check into our hotel and head up to the room. The room is beautiful. 2 double beds, and they have like 4 throw pillows. (the more throw pillows, the better the hotel. trust me, it's the truth.) Jon takes a shower and we head off to get some food and some alcohol before the show at a local sports bar. We get in there at like 4, and get a table... This sports bar rules. A TV at every table. You can even pick what sporting event you wanna watch. awesome. So we sit down and order a celebratory Jager bomb. (not a good idea before dinner by the way.) But we get food, and we get more drinks. We drink until 6:30 and then head to the stadium which was just across the street from the bar.
So for the 1st show we were in the 4th row. we were closer than i thought we would be. These seats were freaking amazing. You might even see us on the hbo special laughing our asses off so hard that we were crying. Seriously. I'm wearing an orange shirt, you can't miss me if they put it in there. Come on HBO editors! Dane put on an incredible show. My face hurt when we left the first show.
So we leave the first show and try to get a drink before the 2nd show. but the bar is full. 1 in, 1 out. same with all the other places near the stadium. so we headed back to the stadium to get into the second show. It takes us forever to get into the stadium again... which is ok cause it started 45 minutes late. It gave us enough time to get some nachos and a coke, cause you have to be 25 or older if you have an out of state ID in the stadium to get beer. shitty rule, but we didn't care too much. So for the second show we were in the balcony, with a pretty decent view of the stage. Jon and i both agree that his second show was better... because by the end, my chest, mouth, jaw, and abs all hurt from laughing at basically the same jokes. He told the same stories, but with minor differences to keep them interesting enough. Plus, they were funny as shit so you can't help but laugh again.

After the show, we file out and go to a bar called "Boston's Greatest Bar." we go here cause we saw a billboard going into the show that said they had 3 bars and 4 floors, so there's no way it's gonna be full. We walk into this place, and let me tell you, it's not boston's greatest bar, i don't konw which one is, but i'm positive this one isn't it. It was blasting loud dance music, and had those lights that dance clubs have, but NO ONE was dancing. granted, there were a lot of girls, but it was loud and there were a lot of boston douchebags running around. so jon and i go up to the top floor and order a drink, but by the time we do that, it's 2 and the bar was closing, so we finished our drinks and decided to head back to the hotel.

We get back to the hotel and go directly to bed... HEAVEN. This bed is the most comfortable bed i've ever slept in. The sheets were 23,567 count sheets, there was a down comforter, and the pillows were heavenly. Jon and i didn't want to go to sleep cause the bed felt so comfortable. i mean it was the weirdest feeling in the world. Have you ever been in bed, but not wanted to go to sleep because the bed was TOO comfortable? i mean seriously folks... crazy.

Sunday, 1 day after the show:
So we get up at 10:00 and decide to enjoy the bed a little more while we watched some ESPN. We stroll outta bed around 10:30 and hit the road. The trip home had a little more traffic than on the way home, but we only stopped the car on the highway once, and that was in NY. And it was only like 3 or 4 minutes. we moved slowly, but we were moving. We make it to NOVA at around 6:30 if i remember correctly to pick up Sean. and once he gets into the car, it's IPOD and book time again. So i read the next 4 hours while he drove us back to the burg. and let me tell you... you know those people on the road that will tailgate someone and flash their lights to get them to move outta their way on the highway? Yeah that's Sean. He's a horrible driver and while i was trying to read in the back, every 3-4 minutes, he'd jerk the wheel during a turn and slightly startle me cause i'm paying attention to my book in my lap. ALL 4 HOURS OF THE TRIP. I mean, i'm not a confretational guy, so i didn't say anything, but i'm never riding with him ever again. i don't care what the circumstances are. I'll drive. Or walk. He is a horrible driver and that was the last time i ever want to see him again.

Well I finished my book on the trip and so i just listened to my ipod the next 20 minutes of the trip until i got into my apartment.

That's my story. I hope you enjoyed it.

I purposely avoided describing the actual show because it'll be an HBO special sometime and you all can see it for yourselves in the future. but if you wanna hear more about it just ask me.

"WHERE'S THE VAN?!?!!?! THE VAN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!"

Thank you Justin.

2006-04-12T15:40:00.000-04:00

Justin came up with a brilliant idea. Play 10 songs on random on your ipod, and comment. Instant blog entry. So.... 10 songs on random on my ipod without fast forwarding..... GO!

1.) Phish - Golgi Apparatus
What a great idea for a song. Off of Junta, their first album... probably their weirdest album... which is weird because most bands start off with a calmer approach to their music and expand outward. But this album is all over the map. Not saying i don't like it, but seriously... only down part to this album is the 25 minute song of just nonsense called "union federal." what a load of crap. but the song contact totally saves it.
"I look into the finance box just to check my status. I look into the microscope and see Golgi Apparatus"

2.) Ari Hest - Consistency
Live version. All of Ari's songs go through transitions but this is an older version from 2002. This song has an added verse and new bridge since the new album came out. not as good as the origional version. This is a full band version though with the old bassist. He ruled... i can't remember his name. But he looked like high tower from the police academy movies with bob marley dreadlocks. always played barefoot, and always danced around... freaking awesome. and a baddass bassist ta boot. OH.... bass solo... i forgot about this. man... i miss old ari hest. I think there's a video online of the big guy dancing around sometime. Oh man, this version has the new verse, but not the new bridge, awesome. cause the new bridge is what sucks, and i'm just remembering that now. I bet this is gonna be hard to read. sorry about the constant change in thoughts... now onto the next song.

3.) Brothers Creegan - Scotch and Soda
This is from a live album i downloaded, i'm not too familiar with this song. But BC live rules. 3 really talented musicians playing a jazz/rock/weird music mix. kinda hard to explain them if you don't know anything about them. other than the fact that they both used to be in the barenaked ladies. After listening to this song halfway through... i like it. i'll probably listen to it the next time i hear it. I'm not expecting any of my favorites to come up next... since i have 3214 songs. but here we go...

4.) Goo Goo Dolls - Think About Me
From their live in buffalo album. These guys are pretty good, i'm not sure i like them as much live as i do in the studio, the lead singer changes the melody of the songs way to much to even recognize them. I mean some improv is alright but he doesn't even stay close to what is on the album. and with a band i don't love with all my heart, i kinda wanna hear the melodies of your song the way they should be sung. The best improv'er that i've heard and liked is Jason Mraz, he'll take one of his songs and make it a brand new song, and it'll rule. Just listen to "absolutely zero" on the album and the live album, and you'll understand what i mean. This GGD song is forgetable. thank god it's over.

5.) Paul Thorn - Ain't Love Strange
YES! I love this song. you should too.
"Down at Donnie's strip club, they all know my name, I can't get a woman so i sit down by the stage. I think Heather really likes me, she wiggles in my face, takes my forty dollars, turns and walks away. Ain't love strange."
Brilliant paul thorn. My new favorite songwriter. He has such a new approach to songwriting. I could write all day about why paul thorn rules. and one of the reasons is "I guess i'll just stay married." if you don't know what i'm talking about... please contact me, i'll introduce you to paul thorn the right way.

6.) Junior Brown - They Don't Chose to Live That Way
It's the southern old school country version of "we are the world." only it's just junior brown. no michal jackson, no lionel ritchie, no bruce springsteen. For those of you who don't know who junior brown is, he sang that old country song "highway patrol." I can't help but think about pawpaw when he comes on, cause he was a highway patrolman. or was he a state policeman? someone in my family will surely know. please comment and straighten me out.

7.) Paul Thorn - Lover's Vacation
i love paul thorn. This song is about him and his wife taking a weekend vacation together. Such a good love song with a great groove. one of those uplifting songs that you hear on the radio and you roll down your windows and just smile. Since i'm not in my car, i'll open my room window, turn the fan on. and i'll smile. I'm just gonna enjoy the rest of this song until the end. see ya soon.

8.) BNL - Tonight's Show
This is from Rick's Living Room. In between songs. this is a radio show taht they did back in 96 in some guy's living room. i think his name was rick. Not really a song. just mid song. funny.

9.) Brothers Creeggan - Whole Lotta Covers
Same show as before, this is a medly of different covers. 6 minutes worth. pretty funny. Jimi hendrix, scuse me while i kiss the sky. The next song is some rolling stones song. now they're singing paul simon's "diamonds on the sole of her shoes." These guys just pulled 3 part harmony outta nowhere. Awesome. didn't recognize that last song. (thanks pat... jerk.)

10.) Indigo Girls - Power of Two
From the 1200 Curfews live album. It's a radio interview of just the two of them. definitely my favorite song of theirs. This is the song that got me to like these girls. Not to mention that my friend nora beat them into me. Coincidence that she is gay? who knows, but i don't really care, cause i love nora and need to see her cause it's been seriously years.But anyways, indigo girls.... they really have the two part harmony down to an art. they really know how to bring out the best in a song.

Anyways, that's my 10 random. 2 paul thorns, 2 BC's, and indigo girls in a pear tree.

OH.....

11.) Justin - Peeping Tom
HAHAHAHAHA. This song rules. off his 3rd album Good as Wood.

"So won't you please stare at me so i feel normal?"

Chipotle and Me.

2006-04-09T17:42:00.000-04:00

I like guacamole. no. i don't... i mean... i love guacamole. Anyone who has seen what i eat and what i have eaten in my career as a person knows, that i am usually not too open to suggestions when it comes to my food. granted i've been more "daring" these past 2 or so years. Then came along this little place known as the chipotle.

I didn't even like chipotle the first time i went there... ask cheryl... it's true... i was not all about it. And since that first burrito a lot has changed in my chipotle order. i will now outline my burrito lineage in chronological order.

1st favorite:
Torilla
Rice
Chicken
Extra Corn
::When i first went there, these were the only toppings that i knew i liked, so that's all i got on it. I tried all the selections of meat they have and i still like the chicken the best. I ate this burrito for a long time until one fateful day::

2nd variation:
Tortilla
Rice
Chicken
XCorn
Guac
::This particular day, i was in one of those "i'm a badass, i'm gonna try something green on my burrito. I'm not scared. Bring on the green." And so i did. "What is this heaven in my mouth?" Seriously, love at first taste. I will never go back. Now that i had tasted the glorious sauce of the heavens, i was feeling cocky about my burrito future::

3rd Variation:
Tortilla
Rice
Pinto Beans
Chicken
XCorn
Guac
::We're getting there. Beans were a good addition. I don't even like beans. never liked the texture. But these beans don't have that unusually hard skin that most beans have that i can't stand. they "melt' into the burrito with flawless consistency::

Final Variation:
Tortilla
Rice
PB
Chicken
XCorn
Sour Cream
Cheese
Guac
::I still don't know what sour cream tastes like but it's gotta be good cause it makes the burrito a lot better. Now some of you might notice that i put cheese in this burrito but none of the others. On my first staple burrito, the cheese overpowered the corn and the chicken. It doesn't on this burrito... cause each ingredient is like an equal and opposite member of the burrito family. Check Newton's 3rd law... i'll just say it here, no need to google it cause i am not making this up in any shape or fashion. "For every action there is an equal and opposite member of the burrito family that should be inside of a chipotle burrito." seriously... newton was a genius::

Which brings me to my next point. Don't smoke crack.

Sorry i had to... anyways... the reason that i tell you people this is for one reason. My ingenious plan for a new food. Seeing as how i love guacamole and burgers so much... why not mix the two and get a meal fit for kings. The Jeff Owens Guac Burger. Sounds great eh?

I recently went to the Red Robin that had opened up in christiansburg. While looking through the glorious menu i came across the most beautiful two words i've ever seen. "Guacamole Burger." THEY STOLE MY IDEA!!!! and by stole i mean came up with it first while i never recognized it. I odered this burger with no onions cause onions are the devil's favorite snack. it's a fact... just ask him. This was the greatest idea in burgers ever. my suspicion was right on the money. It totally works. I've ordered it every time i've been back. I can't NOT get it. While looking through the menu i saw the same burger but with chicken... i will try that one sometime soon. cause it's sounds delicious. That is all for now class. Anyone near a chipotle that wants to bring me one right now, i'd greatly appreciate it. You have my order.

Blogging.

2006-04-06T18:59:00.000-04:00

I'm done blogging for today.

That's all.

Yay Guster.

2006-04-06T18:33:00.003-04:00

I am writing this directly after the previous post, but it's a different topic that i want to get on "paper."

Guster has a new album coming out. They have had a new album coming out for 3 freaking years. remember my last article about it?

Well now Guster is slowly releasing material, and it's getting me so excited. I try not to get too excited about it cause it's just like torture... kinda like if you mention chipotle around me when i'm in blacksburg that i want to stab you in the jaw? Same feelings. But from the new material that they are releasing, i can't sit still about it... i gotta show everyone... and express my sheer and utter excitement for the rest of this album.

First go Here to listen to 2 of their new songs. One Man Wrecking Crew, and Manifest Destiny.
MD is freaking awesome... i'm in love with it already. OMWC is pretty good, i'm not as excited about it... but i'm still excited about there being new material.

The second place to go is here. There is going to be a documentary that shows video of them making this album... this is the coolest idea ever... Metallica did it once, and even though i'm not a huge metallica fan, being able to SEE what goes on when making an album is probably the best idea in the idea of documentaries. Anyways, these are the "trailers" to the documentary. it's called Joe's Place. I have guster's webpage as my homepage so i'm looking at their website 30-40 times a day... even if i'm just opening up my web-browser for something else. And if you're either of my brothers, you're surely the first to know when something is updated cause i usually say something to the effect of "guster has a new road journal"... or "check out the new joe's place videos"

My favorite promo is "all hands up." watching this 30 second clip of the song "Empire State" gives me the chills... This i would normally not say... but Tom said the same thing to me the other day, so i'm glad someone else gets similar feelings when they hear 30 seconds of a song.

"multi-tasking" is hilarious... didn't see that coming at all.

Yay Guster.

Damn them for taking so damn long.

Have a nice day.

Old TV.

2006-04-06T17:16:00.000-04:00

Maybe it's just me... but i freaking love all the old shows that i used to watch as a kid. I will now compile a list of shows that i still watch almost anytime they're on tv.

The Fresh Prince of Bel Air- Who doesn't know the words to his theme song by heart? seriously. I've seen probably every episode of this show... maybe with a few exceptions, but i've seen a large amount. Nick at Night is now playing this... and it makes me feel like i'm getting old, cause when i was a kid, nick at night had i love lucy, and dick van dyke. now it's FPoBA. anyways... One of my favorite episodes is when Will and Carlton have to dance to win back money (Apache dance). Anyone who's been with me when i hear this song knows, i will do this dance no matter the situation. Steve's usually my partner in crime in completing the routine. Another episode: Carlton has a gambling problem. i think these two might actually be the same episode, but i'm not positive. They're different in my mind. "chillin out maxin' and relaxin' all cool..."

Home Improvement - The old favorite that Pawpaw used to love. Now i can't get enough of it. even in the later years when the middle sarcastic brother left the show and the younger son turned goth. This show still manages to make me laugh out loud. You could also call this show "Tool Time" and no one would know the difference... one of my favorite running jokes on the show is that everytime tim walks down the stairs of his basement he hits his head on that pipe. it doesn't happen every episode, but i can't help but bust out laughing when it does... key episode: Tim destroys Jill's car with a half ton beam.

Full House - This one i'm a little embarrased that i still watch... but can you blame me? I mean dave coulier rules... this is my brady bunch.... since i never really watched the brady bunch. The whole backstory of this show is one of the reasons that makes this show so interesting for me... think about it... a house with 3 adult males, raising 3 female children. could this be any more awkward? But they pull it off. Jessie might be a rocker... but he has a heart of gold... and we love him for it. It's funny that in the show they tried as often as possible to let jessie sing in the show, trying to boost John Stamos' music career. good job there producers. Jeff 1, Stamos 0. John Stamos married Rebecca Romijn. Jeff 1, Stamos 5,000. Touché Stamos, i bow down to thee.

America's Funniest Home Videos - This one isn't a sitcom like the previous shows, but this show still cracks me up. Granted, i can't watch the version with bob sagat as the host, i'm talking about the daisy fuentes version and that new guy who does it now... tom or something. Anytime there's a "30 face hits in 35 seconds" montage, i usually end up on the floor crying cause i'm laughing so hard. "25 hits to the crotch in 22 seconds." you get the drift. in fact.... check it... totally amazing.

Simpsons - This show rules. i don't even need to explain this. not to mention that it's been on the air for like 70 years.

Seinfeld - once again... another i don't even have to discuss.

Family Matters - this one to a lesser degree, i've seen a couple episodes in the past couple months... i'll only watch this if nothing else is on.

Knight Rider - This one isn't on as much, but when it comes on, chances are that i'll watch it... especially when i'm at home and it's HDTV. K.I.T.T. in HD... i love it.

Saved by the Bell - I really wish this show was on tv more... i'd SO watch it. tiffany amber theissen in high school... such a great reminder of what life used to be like.

I think that's it for now... unless i think of something else...

Side note: I'm interested about how much this list is different for my different brothers... seeing as we're 3 years apart from each other... any of you non-22 year old people feel free to comment.

Aeropostale.

2006-04-05T17:02:00.001-04:00

I was strolling through the mall the other day, buying some pizza at Genarro's (which has better pizza than tony's.... i hate to say it... you hate to read it... but prove me wrong). Anyways, after lunch with jon, i decided i'd like to go into the Aeropostale. Those of you who don't recognize this name... just think american eagle, abercrobie and bitch, old navy... but this place actually has some good deals at times... (i.e. hoodies for $10, jeans for $15). Anyways, i walked into this store, and was greeted immediately by a very attractive female salesperson. This is how i remember the conversation going....

AeroPostaleSalesperson: "How are you today, can i help you find something."
Jeff: "I'm excellent, i'm looking for some jeans that are on sale."
APS: "Check these boot cut jeans, they're on sale this week."
Jeff: "These jeans have holes in them."
APS: "I know, that's the style nowadays."
Jeff: "Yeah, but they have holes in them."
APS: "They're on sale."
Jeff: "But they have holes in them."
APS: "Is there anything else i can help you find?"
Jeff: "Do you have any jeans that DON'T have any holes in them?"
APS: "I don't think so... let me check."
(couple minutes she returns from the back)
APS: "I'm sorry, all we have are jeans with holes in them."
Jeff: "Looks like i'm going to Sears."

I didn't actually say that sears line... I think i just walked out. you'll have to ask jon, i can't remember... i know i was shocked to the fact that a store was selling only jeans with holes in them. (Now i didn't go into the American Eagle that's right across from Aeropostale, but i figure since AE usually costs an arm and a leg, that there's no point in trying.) Now, who would of thought that someone would pay money for incomplete denim pants. Certainly not someone who knew there was going to be holes in their pants...

Which brings me to my next point. I own a pair of Jeans with holes in them.

I bought them.

On purpose.

But... to my defense.... they were folded... and i didn't unfold them. cause i assumed that jeans don't have pre-made holes. my mistake. I'm the idiot who didn't look over these jeans before i paid for them. But, to my ignorance, just to spite my horrible purchase, i've heard from a couple parties that the jeans look good, holes and all... so i guess i'm not opposed to them as much as i thought, cause i still wear them.

P.S. I'm still NEVER buying jeans with holes on purpose.

Toepick.

2006-03-14T13:01:00.000-05:00

So USA decided to make a "made for tv movie." I have no problems with that. Tv stations make lots of made for tv movies. But the people at USA really hit the jackpot with their latest, The Cutting Edge 2. I can just see some guy pitching this idea to his boss...

Genius: Let's take a mildly successful theatrical movie and make a sequel to it. it'll be awesome.
Boss: Boy that sounds like an excellent idea... here's a lot of money we don't need to make a failure of a movie. make me proud.
Genius: If this doesn't work, we should make "If looks could kill: Part 2."

i mean seriously folks... who's gonna watch this? i mean the cutting edge had it's moments... and holds a firm part of a small portion of my growing up cause mom loved it and watched it all the time. plus it still has some decent jokes in it. but where do you go after the first movie... i mean... everything is taken care of in the movie... they win the gold at the olympics and they fall in love. story over.

What good is a made for tv movie? you don't get box office profits. i mean i guess if you were a company and wanted to advertise... you could advertise there? do made for tv movies get more ratings than just regular tv? who knows?

Spring Break.

2006-03-01T20:24:00.000-05:00

So if all my classes meet the rest of the week... i'd have 3 classes to go to... 5pm on thursday, 10:10am and 1:25pm on friday. luckily for me the 5pm was cancelled a long time ago. The 10:10 was cancelled tonight after we all finished our project presentations. The 1:25 which i normally have to go to... is going to be an online experiment. SCORE. so now instead of having a 9 day spring break... it's now 11 days.... let me say it again... SCORE.

Whoops.

2006-02-23T18:59:00.000-05:00

How could i forget senora byers... i mean the quitessential IB:16. If you read this Byers, please forgive me, cause it's like second nature when we sing together.... like it's amost a given. The problem was that i was thinking too hard about who we've sang 3 part with. isn't that funny, when you're trying to answer the simplest of problems... that you almost always get it wrong? kinda like shooting a layup in H-O-R-S-E. Its so simple... but i almost always give one person a letter. funny isn't it?

P.S. what's 6x7?

Long Time No Type.

2006-02-23T01:00:00.000-05:00

So i'm back from my hiatus *sp from posting. That last post took a lot outta me. I've been chilling out lately, no big news or new thoughts too interesting enough for me to write about. although, the talent show is this weekend and i'm pretty excited about it. Laura Mays and i are doing a couple songs during the judges deliberation. I've always enjoyed playing/singing with Ms. Mays and i think she is one of the greatest singers i've ever heard. American Idol move over.... seriously. If she got up the nerve to try out, she'd go all the way. I have no doubt. Anyways, standing next to her i'm just a guitar and the guy who tries to throw her off key by singing.... if you think otherwise, listen to the OBB3 performance of "Don't Know Why" and you'll hear who's in key, and who's always flat. Note: i'm usually less flat when sober. (less flat being the key phrase here). Anyways, I'm excited i get to play alongside her and i'd love to play more with tom and laura, cause the 3 part harmonies are always so much fun to sing. I rank it 2nd to badass mike solos. 3 part harmony is what i live for in music. That and mike solos. I can only think of a few people i've 3 part'ed with... (excluding choral functions)... It was always, Tom, myself and (Laura Mays, Andy, Justin). I think we got 4 part one time with andy and steiner... but if i remember correctly, steiner always had problems with harmony. Speaking of steiner... i haven't seen his ass in like 3 years. "Hey, Where's Joe?"

Jeff's Favorite Albums.

2006-02-11T15:32:00.000-05:00

(Warning: Long Post)

First of all let me describe some basic rules of a good album in my opinion. These rules are not really rules, just guidlines... in other words, there can be a few exceptions to still have a good album. First off, you gotta be able to listen to the whole cd without "skipping ahead." Now most albums have 1 song you skip. this is acceptable. You could skip it for pacing reasons, or because it's just a clusterfuck of a song...(See DSOTM below). Some songs can be skipped on feeling alone, like "Maybe Today" on Echo Echo. Good song, just kinda have to be in the mood for that type of song. Anyways, without further adeu, adoo, uhdew, My favorite albums in no particuar order:

Guster - Lost and Gone Forever.
This album is the quintessential Guster album, the first "real" album of theirs because there isn't a single percuission that's played with a stick on the entire album. Guster all the way. Goldfly and Parachute are both on the list, but i'm not going to comment on every single good album, maybe in a later edition. Just know that i still love both of them and can stay in my CD player in my car for long periods.

Guster - Keep It Together.
If you notice i didn't mention this album in the previous paragraph. This is because KIT needs to be addressed on its own. The transition from LAGF to KIT is truely amazing. These guys are growing and expanding in a way that i've never heard before. When bands start trying new things, usually they suck ass. (See DMB - Everyday). Not these guys. This album has a place in my heart forever. This CD was in my CD player in my car for at LEAST 10 months straight. And I don't listen to the radio. Tom still hasn't taken his out of his car. granted he has a 6 disk cd player, but none the less, still amazing. I will be listening to this album until i die.

Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon.
I first heard a pink floyd song at the beginning of last summer. Tom was so excited about a dvd he had watched with his buddy that talks about the making of this album and he fell in love with the album and shared the wealth. Funny what happens when you listen to some music other people like...Tom wouldn't know what that's about at all. Dane Cook Bitch. Anyways, I first listened to this album on a fairway mower, and i fell in love with this album immediately. i listened to it twice through. The Clocks in Time about made me fall off the machine TWICE, but i loved it still. This album flows through every second that is on the cd. This album is an ALBUM, not a collection of songs that happen to be on the same cd. Some notable songs: Time, Money. Both of these songs have kick ass guitar solos in them. And Mike rocks them out better than i could ever. Nothing beats the feeling i get when mike finishes the solo to Money in the basement or at the OBB. It's like winning a championship. You should try it. it's addicting.

DMB - every album up to Before These Crowded Streets.
I guess I can attribute this one to Mike as well. He got me into dave, and I thank him for it. This band has a firm part to my middle-high school days. I guage how old i am in memories by what song i was listening to at the time. This also goes for the next album(s) on the list.

Barenaked Ladies - Gordon.
File this one under the "I can listen to all of this band's music" category. Gordon is still my favorite cause it's not as weird as the later stuff gets, but i still love all of these albums. I used to fall asleep to Stunt during my late-middle school years and wake up to a living room full of friends ready to "walk" to Metz. Of course Steve was always late and met us with his mom halfway down richmond ave. But she usually drove us the rest of the way when that happened so it was a win-win situation. In fact, i remember cutting through our backyard neighbor's house and trying to be the last in the convoy cause the same damn spider kept building her web where we walked. I know it was steve, drew, julia, dina, and myself. Ortiz might have been there too, i can't remember. Oh good times. ok back to music.

John Mayer - Room For Squares.
I'm almost embarrassed to admit this one, but the kid knows how to record an album. He might be a huge tool, but 83 rocks my socks off. Heavier Things is a good album too but i still think RFS is better. City Love into 83 into 3x5. I saw John Mayer live. I wasn't impressed. even more of a tool than i had previously thought. but his albums still kick ass. trust me.

Carbon Leaf - Echo Echo.
This is the only carbon leaf album i have. I want more. I just saw them live again on thursday and i knew like 3 songs, but it was an excellent concert. Their use of the penny whistle is perfect. Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me, My mother's making me marry Mary Mac. YES, YES, Y-E-S.

Phish - The Story of the Ghost.
Think DSOTM but with phish. awesome storyline for an album. another album as opposed to a collection of songs on a cd. If you have heard of phish, but have no clue what they sound like, let me know, cause i made the mistake of not every giving them a chance on the fact that they have a bunch of hippie, pot smoking losers for fans, but once you get through the cloud of cannabis smoke into the music, they really are genius. Not to mention Trey being one of the best guitarists on the face of the planet. They really know how to fill out a song. Trey's solos seem like they just came with the song and he isn't making up anything. Almost like they built the songs around the solo. But they didn't. They rule. I was riding down the road one day, someone hit a possum.

Brothers Creeggan - Trunks.
A little known band with the bass player and ex keyboard player from BNL who happen to be brothers with the last name Creeggan. This album is excellent with the exception of "she married a cowboy." which is slow and very "next" worthy. Kitchen Dancin' rules cause right in the middle of it, there's a kitchen appliance solo. And it's in tune too. Hit me up if you wanna hear what i'm talking about.

Beatles - Abbey Road.
How could a list like this not have the beatles on it. This album also has a section of it that Tom and i like to call the "Abbey Road Medley." but it's really the last 6 or 7 songs on the album. The first half of this album is also good with such hits as Oh Darling, I want you (she's so heavy), and Here Comes the Sun (a Mr. Owens favorite). Too bad that song has the most confusing lyrics ever. anyways, if you don't have this album, get it. Sir Paul McCartney isn't rich enough yet.

Agents of Good Roots - Needle and Thread.
Best band to never get famous. The music industry sucks because of this band not being famous and people like rufus wainright being famous. In with AGR, out with Nickleback, creed, and Lifehouse. These bands need to be shot. especially Nickleback.

Alison Krauss - Forget About It.
Another album i used to put on to fall asleep to. Alison Krauss sings like a freaking angel. Talks like man, sings like an angel, i think it's a fair trade off. I can't think of alison krauss without thinking of Laura Mays' awesome voice. Somewhere, somZZZZZZZZZ.

Bela Fleck and the Flecktones - Outbound.
Banjo never sounded so good. Those of you who now don't want to hear this album because you know there's banjo in it, you need to get a life. Cause this is the most talented band on the face of the planet. Where else can you get 4 virtuosos on stage together making the most jaw dropping music you've ever heard. These guys give the best concerts in the world. My top 3 favorite shows were all 3 Bela Fleck shows i've been to. Trust me, they're that good. Just google victor wooten.

Blues Brothers - The Soundtrack
The most kick ass soul band on the face of the planet. This one is in honor of Dad. Even the Aretha Franklin song on the album is good. That's right i said aretha franklin and good in the same sentence. RAWHIDE!

Jason Mraz - Waiting for my Rocket to Come.
Holy Sexual Innuendo Batman! This album is good mainly because the drums and bass are done my AGR's bassist and drummer. Not to mention that Jason Mraz has an incredible voice. But he need to shut it the hell up, you can't get through 10 seconds of this album without hearing his voice. I'm serious, prove me wrong. Other than that, awesome album. Favorite Line (Too much food) : " ...My stomach's smaller than my eyes so i went to see the doctor and she said turn my head and cough, i didn't listen to what she said, instead i couldn't wait to get off." The best part about it is that most people don't even catch it... I didn't until like the 3rd or 4th time i heard it.

Justin - Ate
His famous eighth album. This is a lyrical genius at work here. With such hits as Big Fan Base in Texas, Superman's Bathroom, Nflgjlvkgjo, Buddah on a Chain, The Light, and Friday, how could it not make the list. It also has his "two minute epic going on three."

Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane
This album has been out since my freshman year. It's time for a new album already. That being said, this album kicks ass. I go through Maroon 5 phases where they are all i want to listen to. But i'm ready for a new album already. so do it.

Norah Jones - Come Away With Me
Best chill album on the planet in my opinion. Excellent to fall asleep to. not a very good album for driving though.

That's it for now. Now that's it's an hour later in your life, i hope you've enjoyed it.

I must thank my family for most of these artists and albums cause most of these bands i acquired from one of them, with a few exceptions. So if you like this list, thank my brothers. if you don't, make your own list for me to hate. haha. Oh and Tom, LISTEN TO DANE COOK YOU BASTARD.

Attention Readers.

2006-02-08T03:01:00.000-05:00

It has been brought to my attention that my blog has a bitter tone to it. I can see this. Most of you know me and how i act in person and that i am generally a pleasant person to be around. At least that's how i see myself. That being said, i do have a darker, more bitter side to me which feels nice to actually air out in this blog... i hope you all can see that. If you want cheerful jeff, call me, im me, email me... This blog doesn't quite capture the whole picture of me, just a part that most of you haven't seen before. And to those who are shocked at the usage of curse words, consider this the evil twin of jeff. Ffej if you will. or Divad. Ffej Snewo. HA. it's like i planned that.

Plus i feel that bitter feelings provoke the best kind of humor.... truthful. See Maddox.Xmission.

And just for those wanting a piece of cheerful Jeff, coming up in the next few blogs is "Jeff's List of Best Albums Ever." Put in your suggestions now, cause i know i'm going to forget some.

There better not be any "U2's, Rufus Wainright's or Rolling Stones Albums in the Suggestion Box."

Why Blogs Rule.

2006-02-07T15:10:00.000-05:00

I think the reason so many people enjoy reading blogs is that you get an insight into who the person is and what he/she's thinking (from now on i'll use "he" so don't think i forgot about the female bloggers people). Even if the entry is a sentence long. Even if it's not even a sentence, you still feel rewarded for clicking on the link. It's like you would never get an in depth perspective on one's thoughts on a subject if you sat there and talked with them. For example, why mother hates hot dogs so much. i just knew she didn't like them. and that she had them a lot. who would of thought she could write a whole page on it? But that's what's great about this, is that you can beat a dead horse into the ground with analysis.

There are some occasions where you will in fact go into depth on why you put soap on the right side of the sink... but these are few and far between. I know that i can have a deeply, non-meaningful conversation on stupid things with a few of my friends where we examine EVERY angle on why Fox has the best TV shows around. i mean seriously folks, House, 24, Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons, The O.C., Prison Break, American Idol.

I mean seriously folks... what do the other stations got? Not to mention that fox is in HD too... but that doesn't matter while i'm at school since i'm on NTC's monopoly of internet/phone/cable. I don't have an HD tv either. But that's beside the point. the point is you are still thinking about how I put the O.C. in that list. Just making sure you're paying attention. If you like the O.C. and you are a male... FIND A NEW SHOW TO WATCH WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. And stop listening to Rufus Wainwright.

If you were offended by this post, slam your head against your desk. it'll make you feel better i promise.

Fun Times.

2006-02-06T14:17:00.000-05:00

Don't tell me you'll hang out tomorrow when you wont. If you say you'll hang out and something comes up, at least throw me a line. I feel like all i'm trying to do is get in touch with people to hang out and no one answers phones, no one calls back, no one answers ims. Only my friends who are not near blacksburg answer phones and messages.

On a lighter note, i need a jam with my brothers, or i need a drumset down here, either or. Cause all i want to do is play drums, maybe practice some stuff, but all i can do here is play guitar. which is alright cause i'll get better at guitar, but i've decided that playing drums is my favorite musical activity. if i could only find a way to practice while at school, i think i'd improve more. Maybe some drum lessons could help my technique out cause i know my mechanics are minimal at best.

Is it annoying that i capitalize the beginning of some sentences and others i don't? just a thought.

Dane Cook.

2006-02-02T00:51:00.000-05:00

As you will notice, there is a countdown on my blog now. This is the countdown to the taping of Dane Cook's HBO special in Boston. I am going to this show. It's going to rule. All those who don't know who dane cook is, i suggest you check him out. His latest album Retaliation is killing on the Billboard charts. It's the biggest comedy album since Steve Martin's good album, whatever that is. If you have any questions, just forward them to my brother Tom. He knows ALL about dane cook.

Applebees.

2006-01-31T02:41:00.000-05:00

Applebee's commercials are so bad. Nothing calls for a MUTE like an applebee's commercial. There are plenty of commercials that i will mute, but applebee's commercials are a MUST. Now most commercials that have jingles are mute-worthy, but there is something so irritating about hearing songs you recognize with lyrics talking about Chicken Fajitas. If you ask my brother Tom, he'll tell you that 800-588-2300 Empire, should in fact be muted. I tend to disagree. This is a great jingle. Another popular muted candidate that i can't turn off, are the Fitness Made Simple commercials. This line of commercials really cracks me up. What the hell is a fitness celebrity? Who the hell is John Basedow? We all know now. Seriously people, take a look at this guy. He now has blonde hair.... not that he looked like a total freak before.

No tricky dance moves, no high impact gyrations. It's fitness made simple, changing real lives.
God i love this commercial.

Things I Don't Like.

2006-01-31T00:21:00.000-05:00

....And by things I don't like, i mean, thing i don't like.

I can't stand it when people don't respond to im's. When i send you an im when your away message is up... it means one thing. And one thing alone. "i would like to have a conversation with you." Even if you don't have 5 minutes to answer... it's not hard to say, "can't talk, i'll im you later." or something to that effect. in fact, it took me no less than 5 seconds to type that. You don't even have to wait for me to answer with "alright, catch you later." You could be in your car driving by that time and i won't care. If i've sent you an im, i'll leave it up just to remember what i sent you.... and when you have an im window open, you can see when a person is "no longer idle" or "has returned." And the icing on the cake is when you see that someone has returned, then immediately puts up an away message. To me that means, I was at my computer, saw your message, but you are not important enough to even address. What a fucking blow to the balls.

Now i'm not saying you have to immediately write me back when i send you an im, i know you have an away message. I assume you're not there in the beginning. If i ask you a question in said message, it's most likely not time dependant. If i need to get a hold of you, i'll call you.....

50 times.

Disclaimer: I know that this might sound hypocritical to some of you, especially if you have sent me a message and i haven't responded. This is only due to my internet being retarded at school. this problem should be fixed in the next few days due to a new router i am installing once i get it. But seriously, I believe that i have answered every im that has been sent to me. Go ahead. Try it. I even answer to screen names i have no clue who it is. Oh i'll ask who it is, but i will answer. just cause i'm curious as to what you might have to say. cause i'm cool like that.

In conclusion, if you see an im from me, and you don't answer, you are an asshole.

Schedule.

2006-01-29T17:54:00.000-05:00

Everyone wants to know my school schedule. well here it is... enjoy.

Note, i have an online class too... i'm not that much of a bum.

OBB IV.

2006-01-26T15:31:00.000-05:00

Just a reminder to all of my friends that are around my age, the OBB IV is coming up this year, and i expect you guys to be there, so bookmark Jerry's Blog and check the countdown and date.

Geico.

2006-01-25T15:41:00.000-05:00

When did the gecko become british?

Bowling.

2006-01-25T13:00:00.000-05:00

As i we recently reading my aunt's blog about bowling and her love of the game, i was reminded of my love for the game. I have been bowling with family and friends for as long as i can remember. Although the first couple years of being in an all age, family league all i remember is wanting to play arcade games. Minus my first ever game over 100. I remember being so excited about it cause the team we were bowling was very serious about the league with a low handicap. Because i was so young, my average was maybe 50.... on a good day. so when i bowled 100, my handicap kicked in and we destroyed them.

Now that i'm in college i have been in many a leagues. but since i only bowl when i'm in blacksburg, i can never seem to improve much past where i'm at. which i'm fine with. cause i know that i'm gonna have a huge game here. My goal is to make it up on the 250+ banner in the Breakzone. I've been pushing for it since i've been bowling here and the closest i got was a 234. The funny thing about 250 is, you have to string together strikes like it's your job. and when i get 4-6 strikes in a row, it's almost guaranteed that i'll throw a 7-10 split to end the streak. Just ask jon. or steve.

Anyways, i really enjoy bowling down here and i've made a huge number of friends just by being "that crazy guy who dances when he gets a strike." I know all the people who work in the Breakzone and actually have influence on the league and stuff like that. (jon and i are bugging the head guy to push the league from tuesday to wednesday so he can bowl with us.)

Anyways. 250 is the goal. the lanes have been in great condition these past few days due to a new oil machine they picked up over break. that makes me happy and confident i'll be able to achieve my goal this semester.

P.S. there are a lot of blogs i read, anyone who reads this can probably figure out which ones i read due to who comments on here but just so you people dont feel left out cause i only put 1 blog link in this update, here goes.

Mother.
Jerry.
Justin.
Cara.

Couple other Bad Songs.

2006-01-24T21:26:00.000-05:00

Rufus Wainwright.
If you like this tool, and we are friends, i will seriously consider not being your friend anymore. This guy being famous is just a failure of america's listening habits. How anyone can stand to listen to this guy is beyond my comprehension. I cannot begin to fathom how ANYONE would WILLFULLY listen to this guy. Some bands don't have good studio albums, but kick ass live. Some bands suck ass live, but had kick ass studio albums*. Rufus Wainwright sounds just as bad live as he does on recordings. Vomit inducing actually. I know this cause i've heard a couple studio songs, and he opened up for Guster once. The only thing worse than rufus wainwright is rufus wainwrights fans. please stop supporting this no talent ass clown.

*Third Eye Blind, John Mayer.

Worst Songs of All Time.

2006-01-22T21:52:00.000-05:00

As some of you know (and i'm sure you've had some of your own experiences with this), Wegman's plays a satellite radio station throughout the store to keep the mood light. As this goes with many places. Being a casual customer and only having to hear 1-2 songs over the store loudspeaker system is painless... hell most of you don't even know there's music playing. But when you WORK at a place like that (5 guys, Weggy World), you hear the same songs over and over again. Now this being said, i have no qualms with listening to the same songs over and over if they are decent songs.... i mean, my car has had the same set of cd's in it for like 3 years. (yay K.I.T.). Now if these songs that are played over and over again are the worst songs in history, then it becomes a battle of will not to hurt someone for playing them over and over again. So without further "adoo" the worst songs ever recorded:
(in no particular order)

1.) You Make Me Feel (Like a Natural Woman).
First off, being a man, i can't really comment on having the feeling of a natural woman, but i can assume that feeling like a natural man shouldn't come too hard for me. hell, i feel like a natural man right now... and you aren't even making me feel that way. Aretha Franklin really hit on a winner for this song, cause i'm sure that 95-98% of men want this song to be burned at the proverbial stake. and the other 5-2% want to sing this song cause they want to feel like a natural woman.* (not that there's anything wrong with that.)

2.) Downtown.
Horrible lyrics aside, when you can only hear the girl saying "DOWNTOWN" in the same 2 notes the WHOLE FREAKING SONG, you tend to get annoyed. Plus, everything will NOT be great when you're downtown, cause i hear that a lot of downtowns have violence and drugs and inner city crap. whoever sang this must have been in some downtown in wisconsin something where the only thing they do illegal is cow tipping. (no offense wisconsonians.)

3.) No More I Love You's.
Do I really have to explain this one people. He broke up with you, you're sad, get over it. Go find some other jerk to say to you "i love you." on a side note, he really didn't love you anyways, he just wanted in your pants.

4.) Eternal Flame.
80's songs FTW. i guess i don't have much to say about this one but i do have a question. Is this burning an eternal flame?

5.) What's Love Got to Do With It?
Everything. Shut up whore. Everyone needs a heart. Tina Turner, you're old and i have never liked your legs.

6.) Daydream.
If you're waiting for a day to daydream, you need a new hobby. This song is one of those songs that gets stuck in your head too. you just keep repeating in your head "what a day for a daydream" over and over again in your head until natural woman comes on again.

7.) Takin out the Garbage.
Many of you probably won't know this one cause it's a brothers creeggan song. But let me put it this way, Tom and I took out the garbage and fully banished this song forever. if you are in the mood, find a sample of it online and listen to this trash, it's an eye opener for sure.

8.) Anything that Celine Dion Sings.
"She has the kind of head you call your friends over for to look at. 'Hey grab your beer, check out this head.' and everything changes her life..... 'I stick my finger in my butt, i smell it, it changed my life forever.... How could something so stinky, come from something so beautiful, it's a miracle." Thanks Pablo Fransisco for perfectly describing the hate i have for Celine Dion. If anyone has no clue what i'm talking about, im me and i'll send you an audio clip of this bit. it always makes me laugh.

9.) Well Look at Us Now.
This song was written by someone you might know. Debuted in the Owens Basement somewhere around 1998. I really can't remember the words minus a few lines, but this is how it went. "our love is like a hurricane." i'll give live performances of that line and that line only.

More songs to come later on... post more ideas in the comments, i'd gladly hear out some horrible songs i forgot.

sorry for the long post.

Class Rhymes with Ass.

2006-01-20T14:30:00.000-05:00

After finishing my first week of class, i've come to one conclusion:

I should have never been an engineer.

Even though i've only not been a student engineer for about a week, i already dig the classes i'm in. so far i haven't had to use a calculator ONCE. Not to mention actually being interested in what the professor has to say... so much so that i didn't sleep in class ONCE.

I rule.

I like where this semester is going already. It's as if college is more like college now and not like hell. Cause hell sucks. it sucks real bad. kinda like death. Just listen to The Underside of Vomit (How I Became An Ostrich) and you'll know.

...oh you know.

People are dumb.

2006-01-19T16:04:00.001-05:00

So yesterday i'm pulling out of a parking lot with my friend jon riding shotgun. There's a light to my left which has built up a lot of cars which are trying to get through the light... I am turning right luckily so i don't have to deal with the traffic trying to go left..... or so i thought.

So after i look to my left for cars coming, i begin to turn right. As i'm turning i look in the direction where i'm going and there happens to be a car IN MY LANE going the wrong direction. So i do what most of us naturally do in this situation, and honk my horn and give them the evil eye. And this woman has the nerve to look pissed at me for honking...

Let's recap, she's in the wrong lane, going the wrong direction to jump in front of maybe 6-7 cars waiting for the same light that she is. And apparently this is my fault for honking at her... This is the kind of SHIT that makes me want to stab people in their jaws.

All it took was for me to think of an awesome comedian to calm my nerves once again... thank you dane cook for having a bit on stupid drivers.

"Even if the accident is clearly not your fault, the guy in the other car ALWAYS gets out his car and looks at you like it is your fault. 'WHY DID YOU STOP AT A LEGAL RED LIGHT AND LET ME HIT YOU DOING 80!?!?'"

thank you dane cook for making me laugh my way out of a fiery rage of fury.

Correction.

2006-01-16T21:00:00.000-05:00

It was brought to my attention by one of my co-workers at the World of Weggy, that there is a more popular question by customers.... so i hereby resubmit that "Do you have more eggs?" is now #6, and without further delay...

#5. Do you have Whipping Cream?

Of course the answer is yes.
It is labeled "Heavy Cream".... But most people don't want heavy cream, they want whipping cream. kinda like changing a reservation from 7:45 to quarter til 8 if you know what i'm saying.... don't trust the guy who works in the dairy and gets asked this question day in and day out.

This is of course another question i answer "in my pants baby." to hot ladies.

Tech Baby.

2006-01-16T17:36:00.000-05:00

So i'm back at school now. Feel like kicking some school ass. "opening a can" if you will.

My room is a freaking mess.... of course i didn't clean before i left the last time i was here so now i have a double dose of cleaning.... not to mention my bathroom needs a thorough bleach soaking... ugh.

yay cleaning...

Bye Bye Wegmans.

2006-01-14T21:34:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to write a quick little post after my last day at the Weggy World for a while.

Top 5 things i got asked while i worked at wegmans:
#5. Do you have more Eggs?
#4. Where is the Sour Cream?
#3. Where is the Velveeta?
#2. Where is the Sliced American Cheese?

and finally,
#1. Where is the bacon?
to which i answer (if it's a hot girl),
"In my pants baby."

Guster.

2006-01-12T19:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Guster,
Release your damn album already.

At least post something on your website which you haven't touched since december 1st.

Bueller....Bueller......Bueller.

WoW.

2006-01-07T22:50:00.000-05:00

So as of right now, i'm about done with World of Warcraft, maybe a couple of errands to help my brother, but i'm about sick of the game..... again. maybe in a couple months that will change again. I want to do something different with my life other than just work, computer, work, computer. Fun, sure is... meaningful in the long run.... probably not. I've been playing less and less guitar and drums recently, and i think i'm ready to write another song. Dad inspired of course... that man comes up with some great song ideas and i think i'm going to take him up on this one. Anyways, i'm back to school in a couple days and i'm excited. It feels like the first day of freshman year all over again. other than the fact that i'm living in an apartment and I'm single now. oh yeah, for all those that didn't hear, i'm single. yay me. so i'm off to write that hit song that i was talking about... sorry about talking about like 10 things rapid-fire.

Dane Cook Quote i've been saying in my head all day: "Has anyone seen my shoes? I kicked them off in a fit of joy."

Other Christmas Qualms.

2005-12-14T15:32:00.000-05:00

I work at Wegmans. Before that i worked at Five Guys. Both places play music throughout the day. From the day after thanksgiving to january 1st, they play christmas songs. lots and lots of christmas songs. not a single non-christmas song. I've already gone over frosty. I have plenty other things to say about some other songs.

1.) "We wish you a merry Christmas."
Who was the lyrical genius who wrote this first verse of this song? "we wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas, we wish you a merry christmas, and a happy new year." Brilliant. Must be 'lil John. "WHAT?!?!" "OKAY!"
Onto the second verse.
"Oh bring us some figgy pudding, Oh bring us some figgy pudding, Oh bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it right now." My theory of 'lil John holds up here... this is very thug-ish. Could also be frosty with his broomstick.
"We won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, and bring it out here." Now it's 'lil John and his posse. Awesome thing to teach children. yay christmas.

2.)" My Favorite Things"
WeggyWorld plays this song constantly. When on earth did this song become a damn christmas song? This has to be one of the worst songs in the history of songs. I have a whole list of worst songs in the history of songs but i'll get to those at another time. But in all fairness, when the chick from the sound of music sang it, it worked in the movie, so i'll give it that.... but that's all. this is not a christmas song.
let me outline some of whoever wrote this song's favorite things.
1st verse - raindrops on roses, whiskers, copper kettles, wool mittens, brown paper packages.
i like wool mittens, but i wouldn't classify them as one of my favorite things. Good beer, a favorite thing. whiskers, not. That ice you used to be able to get at captain D's thats shaped like rabbit shit, favorite thing. Copper kettles, not.

i'm not even into the second verse and i'm tired of looking at the lyrics to this song. so i'll condense... after 2 more verses of stupid favorite things, it gets to the chorus. which talks about him getting bitten by a dog and stung by a bee.... all he does about it is think about these stupid things and he feels better. right. thinking about white dresses and blue satin sashes make me feel better when a bees stabs me with his ass filled with poison. what a crock.

3.) "I'll be Home for Christmas"
This is a good song, but it has one minor flaw... actually is a pretty big flaw. The whole song talks about being home for christmas, but you find out in the end...."if only in my dreams." The writer even says "you can count on me." .... apparently not. think about it... i'd be pretty pissed if i made food for you and a place at the dinner table and you didn't show up cause you were only talking about being there in your dreams. F You.

4.) "I'm getting Nuttin' for Christmas"
Wow. Kill me now. This kid's voice is seizure-inducing.

5.) "Rudolph"
Now let me first say that this is a classic and one of the songs i have to listen to at least once every december, but there are a few things abuot this song that worry me. For example, the reindeer. What kind of parent teaches their kid that it's ok to make fun of someone if they look different unless they do something really important. Reindeer are A-holes. Just goes to show that you should never make fun of the greeks and dweebs cause they'll eventually be your boss. Just look at rudolph. he has a red nose and now he's "the most famous reindeer of all."

6.) There's a song that plays at the Weg, i've never heard it before, but i have caught a couple of the words of it... and it just cracks me up. "Snow! I want to wash my face and hands in snow." hahaha, what an idiot. do you know how cold that would make your face and hands? not to mention that snow isn't quite the cleanest thing you'd want to wash your face and hands in.

7.) "Silver Bells"
Raise your hand if you've ACTUALLY heard silver bells playing around town.

Didn't think so.

ok i'm done ranting for now.

First Entry.

2005-12-14T15:01:00.000-05:00

seeing as how this is my first post on here... and i really don't have an intro into the whole "this is my blog" thing, i'll just get on with what i've been thinking the past few days.
I call this "An Examination of a Popular Christmas Song."

Frosty the Snowman. The lovable snowman we all fell in love with as children, hoping that our snowmen would come to life and sing and dance with us. but upon hearing this song about 5 billion times at the WeggyWorld, i have found some disturbing things about this so called snowman. Apparently, he was a jolly, happy soul... i think not upon further review.
"Down to the village, with a broomstick in his hand, running here and there all around the square, saying catch me if you can." First of all, why does he have a broomstick in his hand... this seems a little too "i'm going to beat you with this broomstick"ish. Maybe if it was "with a broom in his hand" it would be harmless. i think not. Secondly, he was running here and there saying catch me if you can. all this with a broomstick. maybe he's running from the cops...wait... he is!
"He led them down the streets of town, right to the traffic cop, and he only paused a moment when he heard him holler stop!" so he was running until the cop said stop. So not only is he a thug with a broomstick... he's a fugitive. yay frosty.

Then frosty gets out the jam enough to address the kids once more...
"But he waved goodbye, saying don't you cry, I'll be back again some day."
Sounds an awful like the "i'll call you" line that guys give an ugly girl after a heavy night of drinking. (walk of shame anyone?) But seriously... you think frosty ever came back? you never hear about it...
So in conclusion, frosty is a thug, fugitive, and a liar. Great morals for a kid.

I'm not even going to start with the whole "thumpity thump thump" part. Snow does not make a thump sound.

More analysis of christmas songs to come...