*+*+*+*WARNING*+*+*+*
Explicit content within.
I realize that my audience is primarily my family, but i found an article the other day that i found interesting. It was labeled "50 Things She Wishes You Knew" from the Men's Health Magazine.
Instead of linking it, i thought that i would provide a rebuttal, comment, or something that "He Wishes You Knew." So, here goes:
Once again i need to warn the readers that some of this will be very racy and vulgar, but it comes with the territory... nothing you couldn't find in Cosmo.
1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.
- Yes it does... if you really mean it.
2. Real men drive stick shift.
- Yes they do... and i can ;-)
3. I will leave if you lie.
-Ditto.
4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
-You are cute in MY raglan-sleeved T-shirts, or any of my clothes for that matter.
5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
-Thank god men don't get pregnant.
6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
-You fit there, that's why we do it.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
-Unless it's "GIRL YOU'RE FINEEEEE" (see Pablo Fransisco)
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.
-Ok, that's just hot.
9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
-Stacy's mom has got it going on.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
-I need to write more emails.
11. I expect you to call me.
-I know, but can a brother please get some calls too please? I need to know if you're going to bed before me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
-I am a rock star, so this point doesn't affect me.
13. I'm scared of losing my independence.
-um... i don't even know how to respond to this one... help me, help you.
14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.
- Thank god.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
- Ditto.... minus the shoes part. in fact, it's the get-out-of-anything-free card.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)
-Wow... sex for payment? Seems awfully un-punishingly if you ask me.... and yes un-punishingly is a word.
17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want.
-d. a bitch who sucked 5 years out of your life.
18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
- Dear women, we need help looking fashionable. If we don't, then we're gay.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.
- You probably own Spice Girls, Ace of Base, and Alanis Morisette too.
20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
- *Silence*
21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
- A woman I love plans to cook for me, clean for me, and generally please me in any way that i choose.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
-I really hope this is true cause i happen to think that the hoodie is the best clothing item ever made... minus the wonder bra.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
-Be more hypocritical please...
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
-Does IHOP count?
25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.
-My lips agree with you.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
-This is impossible.... cause you always hang out with your big fat friend who will most doubtly cock-block me.
27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
-(see my comment for #18)
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
- Sometimes its fun to let you lead.
29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
-I have a lot of blue shirts, and i abuse them. yay blue.
30. I want to be Madonna.
-What is this, 1985?
31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.
- Why would i..... OOOOOOOO.... i get it.
32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
-Even when I'm sweating all over it?
33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
-Awesome, i shave, i fix things, i wear T-shirts and jeans, i drive, i like peaches, and i will soon be an uncle... i'm sexy.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
-Listen... we try.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
-Lucky for me, i think everything is better in surprise form.
36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.
-But what about that time i ate 7 plates of thumbs and toes on all you can eat night? (Love you Tom).
37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....
-i'm beginning to see a trend here... a lot of these are very self-centered.
38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.
-Unless you're trashing them... then it's fun.
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.
- I'm gonna give you ladies a hint here on the thinking of men... at any given point, my mind is on one of the following: Food, Boobs, My next big purchase, Boobs, Beer, and Boobs. Enjoy.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
-I guess remembering it is key to this one huh?
41. I love it when you're sweaty.
-Most of the time sweaty is accompanied by stinky too you realize.
42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
-Negative... it's best to consult YOUR girlfriends for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
-Hey... most of the time we try, but get shot down... that sends me the wrong message.
44. I like porn.
-HAHAHAHAHAHA... i'm not even going to bring this up with you... this is a trap if i've ever seen one. Men... don't fall for this one or you'll be getting "Am i prettier than Jenna Jameson?" from that moment on. Avoid this topic at all costs.
45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
-Its even better when you squeeze.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
-Even nice guys like that too.
47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
-So stripclubs are now considered cheating? cause i KNOW that you don't want to see that, hear that, or even read about that.
48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
- Cheat? who cheats? oh yeah... every asshole you ever dated... give the nice guys a chance for once.
49. I remember everything about our relationship.
-Excellent... just don't give us an quiz on when the first time we drank from the same straw of my drink.
50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.
- Wow... seriously lady, get a clue... men need to be told how to be effective for you. i mean... how am i supposed to know that you want to be madonna, and what can i do about it? and that whole independence one... i mean come on.
Anyways, there's the 50... enjoy it.
On a side note, sorry about the long hiatus, i've been busy and non-inspired. But i will try from now on to get out at least 1 a week. So bug me more often people. Owens out.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
You Drive Me Crazy.
Since it's been a while since i've written anything, i thought i would write about something we all experience at some point in our lives.
It seems like every time i get in my car, the road is filled with more and more people who REFUSE to drive the speed limit. This is especially true on any road where you can't pass or Rt. 28... it could be midnight, and there will still be 2 cars that happen to get side by side and go 5-10 mph under the speed limit. I have traveled on rt 28 so many times in my life, and EVERY SINGLE TIME, there are 2 jackasses who see me coming and decide to perform a 30 mph roadblock.
This also happens to me when i'm not driving... for example, Tom and I drove to manassas for a jam one weekend, and we got behind some idiot going 30 on a 55mph 1 lane road... 5 miles down the road we finally pass him, and what do you know, not even 2 minutes later, stuck behind someone else. What is happening here? It seems like they are multiplying.
Another issue that i have with drivers involves getting on a highway. It is my belief that on ramps should be used to get up to speed with traffic so that it's easier to merge into said traffic. Apparently the rest of the world thinks that they need to diddle daddle along the on ramp, merge, then proceed to go 5 mph under the speed limit. It really is annoying having to deal with people who refuse to use their gas pedal. It really is unsafe driving too slow and i think all these people need to grow a pair and step on it.
It seems like every time i get in my car, the road is filled with more and more people who REFUSE to drive the speed limit. This is especially true on any road where you can't pass or Rt. 28... it could be midnight, and there will still be 2 cars that happen to get side by side and go 5-10 mph under the speed limit. I have traveled on rt 28 so many times in my life, and EVERY SINGLE TIME, there are 2 jackasses who see me coming and decide to perform a 30 mph roadblock.
This also happens to me when i'm not driving... for example, Tom and I drove to manassas for a jam one weekend, and we got behind some idiot going 30 on a 55mph 1 lane road... 5 miles down the road we finally pass him, and what do you know, not even 2 minutes later, stuck behind someone else. What is happening here? It seems like they are multiplying.
Another issue that i have with drivers involves getting on a highway. It is my belief that on ramps should be used to get up to speed with traffic so that it's easier to merge into said traffic. Apparently the rest of the world thinks that they need to diddle daddle along the on ramp, merge, then proceed to go 5 mph under the speed limit. It really is annoying having to deal with people who refuse to use their gas pedal. It really is unsafe driving too slow and i think all these people need to grow a pair and step on it.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Link to "Food For Thought."
Check out an unfinished blog i wrote on Nov 3rd, i have a note on the bottom explaining why it's "unfinished." I was hoping it would put it on the new list cause i never posted it, but it's down there so take a gander.
Food For Thought.
Food For Thought.
Please Vote.
In a recent showing of democracy, a vote had to be put in place to amend my 5th rule of Soda Machine Etiquette. As Uncle Bobby brought forth the motion and Mother Of 3 Guys seconded said motion... so in all fairness, put your votes in people....
Proposed Rule #5: For refills: If there is a person who just purchased their meal and has a dry empty cup, fresh off of the stack, then i will generally position myself behind them for a refill. Because you know how pissed off you get when someone who's already enjoyed the pleasures of Mt. Dew Code Red from the fountain gets in front of you while you're trying to get to your Dr. Pepper. I try to avoid that for at least 1 happy customer... also, if said restaurant offers "free refills," patron should always order a "small."
so there it is, i'm gonna place a deadline on voting to January 1st, 11:59am to give everyone plenty opportunity to vote. If you wish to stay anonymous in voting, please send me an email at swenodivad@gmail.com telling me who you are or i will delete any anonymous votes, and said votes will not be counted (this is to insure that people aren't cheating and voting twice).
And please feel free to explain your choice... (see my vote)
Happy Voting!
Proposed Rule #5: For refills: If there is a person who just purchased their meal and has a dry empty cup, fresh off of the stack, then i will generally position myself behind them for a refill. Because you know how pissed off you get when someone who's already enjoyed the pleasures of Mt. Dew Code Red from the fountain gets in front of you while you're trying to get to your Dr. Pepper. I try to avoid that for at least 1 happy customer... also, if said restaurant offers "free refills," patron should always order a "small."
so there it is, i'm gonna place a deadline on voting to January 1st, 11:59am to give everyone plenty opportunity to vote. If you wish to stay anonymous in voting, please send me an email at swenodivad@gmail.com telling me who you are or i will delete any anonymous votes, and said votes will not be counted (this is to insure that people aren't cheating and voting twice).
And please feel free to explain your choice... (see my vote)
Happy Voting!
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
The Soda Fountain.
I noticed the other day while trying to fill my drink at Burrito Heaven (read: Chipotle) that people get really uncomfortable at the soda fountains in restaurants. Everyone's just trying not to be rude to the next person...
It dawned on me because i am a firm believer that more than 1 person can fill up a drink at the same time. Theres plenty of room for two people to fill up their drinks and be on their way. But there are some rules that i've come up with that can help you get through the soda machine boggle faster, and friendlier.
1.) If your preferred soda is on the end (usually both coke, or both pepsi), then position your body so that it is not directly in front of the entire machine. Sort of like a reach in and push the button from the side of the machine manouver. Once you have taken your position and begun to fill your cup with a tasty beverage, make eye contact with the next person in line, and give them a kind, soft look which says to them "it's ok if you start to fill your ice and/or your soda, i have left this whole other side for you to sneak in and fill your cup." You can even give them the old hand gesture that leads them from them, to the soda machine... you know, the slightly cupped and, long broad stroke of the arm... Just be friendly about it... and there will be no soda mishaps.
2.) If you are on deck to get soda, and notice that the person is filling their cup on the opposite side of the ice/your soda, then go ahead and start your filling... But you must make sure that you give the person in front of you a reassuring smile that you aren't going to pick the soda that's directly next to theirs.
3.) Being the on-deck person can be tricky... especially if the ice is in the center of the machine. i generally give the person a 2 soda buffer zone before i start any filling of ice. If you want to start your soda filling venture early, the current soda go-er must have his body positioned to where you can have access... cause there are some people who think that while they're filling up, they are the boss of the machine and no one should be filling up at the same time as them. In this case, i generally just wait and let them have their fun, all the while i'll probably look back and give the person behind me a look that says, "look at this asshole taking up the whole soda machine" in a very mocking way.
4.) If you take a trip to the soda machine with a buddy, you both should have full access of all of the variations of soda without having to worry about spacing or distance... if "Steve" wants Hi-C punch, and I want root beer, and they are directly next to each other... we can both fill our sodas without having to worry about rudeness or being in the way. This should go for all groups, 2 at a time people.... 2 at a time...
5.) For refills: If there is a person who just purchased their meal and has a dry empty cup, fresh off of the stack, then i will generally position myself behind them for a refill. Because you know how pissed off you get when someone who's already enjoyed the pleasures of Mt. Dew Code Red from the fountain gets in front of you while you're trying to get to your Dr. Pepper. I try to avoid that for at least 1 happy customer.
6.) If the person in front of you is getting your soda... there's nothing you can do, take a number and wait your turn.
7.) And lastly, if your preferred soda is out, just pick your next favorite... cause no one likes the person who sits around waiting for the people to change the syrup for the sodas. Makes you seem needy (which isn't a good look for you).
Follow these rules, and you and I can both be on our way in less amount of time for the same amount of soda.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Sunday, November 05, 2006
It's Finally Done.
I have finally removed all the songs from my ipod that i said i would in this post.... just thought i'd let you know. I said i'd take them off August 13th, it's November 5th.... go me.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Food For Thought.
So recently i've been toying with the idea of what i want to do with my life, i.e. career. Both my brother and Jessy have mentioned to me that i would probably make a pretty good secret shopper for some restaurants (*cough* 5 guys *cough*) or something... because i am very picky about the way my food is served to me, how good it tastes, whether said thanks when you tipped them even though i didn't have to tip. I'm pretty picky when it comes to 5 guys, and chipotle, and most of my staples, cause i have a basis of comparison, and i can tell when i've been shafted.
This got me thinking about ACTUALLY becoming a food critic of some sort, which lead me to a discovery of sorts...
They say that as you grow older, your general likes and dislikes of certain foods change. And for the most part, mine have stayed the same. With my exceptions being mexican food, and mexican food. And don't give me this crap about how i don't try things... cause that's just crap. I haven't turned down anything new that i haven't tried in a couple years... just ask Chelsea.... i tried freaking sushi... along with "new" things that i try, i've been trying things that i know i didn't like as a kid, and those still don't taste good to me. I will now list these foods that i can remember:
Raw or Cooked Onions (unless i can't taste them at ALL...).
Beans in Chili.
Tomatoes (I've tried to like these, cause they are highly valued in the Owens households).
Zucchini.
Cream Cheese.
That's just a few... i know there's more but i can't think of any...
Note: this post was written on Nov 3rd, 2006. I wrote everything on this page that day, and had to go do something, and felt like i wasn't finished... i had something else to tlak about, but now i don't remember... so here's a page out of my unfinished blogs category.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Damn This Traffic Jam.
As i was driving to work today, i noticed something about my drive from the LP to the Weg. Since the drive there is on a divided highway, there are 15-20 of these signs during my drive. There's one at every left hand turn. I understand why they are there... but seriously folks... if i'm going along a road, and this sign wasn't there... it wouldn't be the end of the world. Honestly... i didn't even notice the signs until today.This is definitely the most used sign on the way to work... maybe even of all the regulatory signs in the catalog. And it's probably the least noticed sign of the lot too...
Now i did happen to notice that there is one of these signs that goes to the left... and i don't think i've ever been in a situation where i needed to be to the left of the divider.
Anyways... i'm gonna take a count of the number of these signs the next time i drive out that way and get an official count of how many of these stupid signs there are.
On the subject of dumb signs... there's a sign on Rt. 15 when you exit 66, that says "stay right" but not even a mile down the road, you have to merge left... that's annoying as hell... i have seen no reason for traffic to "stay right" from the time it becomes 2 lanes, to the merge left.... it's upsetting that you make the effort to stay right, but are then surprised by a "merge left" sign...
I'm just sayin.....
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Warning: Cheesy Blog Subject.
Now i bet some of you who know me are thinking... this has got to be about cheese. But you would be wrong... cause i had a thought tonight at work and i wanted to share it with you folks.
I have been high many times before.... but i've never done drugs. Not once... but it's not a high like you'd think... one of those "high on life" things you always hear people joke about... there's a couple things in my life that get me this way.
-It really is something special when i am sitting behind a drumset, lost in the middle of a jam with my brothers... i really wish i could describe in words the feeling that comes over me when we settle into a groove on a song like the likka sto jam. Playing regular music is all fine and dandy, but it's the jams that really make music so intoxicating to me.
-Another thing that gets me high is listening to another band get into a jam. The one that sparked the idea for this blog is something that Mike sent me a while ago. It's a live version of Dave Mattews Band's #41. Special guests Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. It's literally 30 minutes long.... and everytime i listen to it, i am smiling from ear to ear. I have the song on mp3 and i have listened to it probably 30 times altogether (with listening on the computer, but mostly out at the golf course watering or mowing greens). Recently i was surfing the YouTube, and i found a video of it... after probably 2 years of listening to only the mp3, and knowing basically every last second of music, THERE'S A VIDEO!!!! Oh My GOD.... the first time i watched it, it was about 2:30 am when i started it, i was tired and ready to go to bed, but came across it... so i had to watch the whole thing.... and let me tell you, i was grooving out soooo hard in my chair watching this video that could be described as one of the BEST songs EVER played live.
You know those friend surveys that you always see floating around emails and stuff.... there's always that question of "if you were on a deserted island and had to listen to 1 song for all of eternity, what would it be?" This would be it for me. So i'm now going to link the video to you people, but i must warn you, that it is in 3 parts... each 10 minutes long... so you need to have 30 minutes ahead of you to get the full experience. I would also like to make a side note that the saxophone solo by Jeff Coffin is probably the best saxophone solo i've ever heard in my life. (he's the guy in the yellow/orange pants). Another side note, the beginning of Part 3 is SICK when carter is playing that fill.... amazing. (worst spot to change from part 2 to part 3 though... i wanted to kill the guy who decided it was a good idea to change right there.)
Ok, now that i've described my favorite 30 minutes of music ever... time to examine some of the runners up.
-Phish, Weekapaug Groove, Madison Square Garden, December 31st, 1995:
As mike said, "this version of this song basically ruined every other version of this song, cause it's so amazing. 17 minutes. It goes through a lotta phases, but all amazing. there's a video of it on phish's site that you can buy, and i highly reccomend it...
-Phish, 2001, Fukuoka, Japan, June 14, 2000:
After they get out of the "chorus" of the song, trey does the sickest sound on the guitar that makes me about drive off the road everytime i hear it.... i can't even begin to imagine how to make that sound.
These are the songs that get me high just about every time i hear them... so if you want them, i'll pass em out, all you gotta do is ask. that's all for now...
I have been high many times before.... but i've never done drugs. Not once... but it's not a high like you'd think... one of those "high on life" things you always hear people joke about... there's a couple things in my life that get me this way.
-It really is something special when i am sitting behind a drumset, lost in the middle of a jam with my brothers... i really wish i could describe in words the feeling that comes over me when we settle into a groove on a song like the likka sto jam. Playing regular music is all fine and dandy, but it's the jams that really make music so intoxicating to me.
-Another thing that gets me high is listening to another band get into a jam. The one that sparked the idea for this blog is something that Mike sent me a while ago. It's a live version of Dave Mattews Band's #41. Special guests Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. It's literally 30 minutes long.... and everytime i listen to it, i am smiling from ear to ear. I have the song on mp3 and i have listened to it probably 30 times altogether (with listening on the computer, but mostly out at the golf course watering or mowing greens). Recently i was surfing the YouTube, and i found a video of it... after probably 2 years of listening to only the mp3, and knowing basically every last second of music, THERE'S A VIDEO!!!! Oh My GOD.... the first time i watched it, it was about 2:30 am when i started it, i was tired and ready to go to bed, but came across it... so i had to watch the whole thing.... and let me tell you, i was grooving out soooo hard in my chair watching this video that could be described as one of the BEST songs EVER played live.
You know those friend surveys that you always see floating around emails and stuff.... there's always that question of "if you were on a deserted island and had to listen to 1 song for all of eternity, what would it be?" This would be it for me. So i'm now going to link the video to you people, but i must warn you, that it is in 3 parts... each 10 minutes long... so you need to have 30 minutes ahead of you to get the full experience. I would also like to make a side note that the saxophone solo by Jeff Coffin is probably the best saxophone solo i've ever heard in my life. (he's the guy in the yellow/orange pants). Another side note, the beginning of Part 3 is SICK when carter is playing that fill.... amazing. (worst spot to change from part 2 to part 3 though... i wanted to kill the guy who decided it was a good idea to change right there.)
Ok, now that i've described my favorite 30 minutes of music ever... time to examine some of the runners up.
-Phish, Weekapaug Groove, Madison Square Garden, December 31st, 1995:
As mike said, "this version of this song basically ruined every other version of this song, cause it's so amazing. 17 minutes. It goes through a lotta phases, but all amazing. there's a video of it on phish's site that you can buy, and i highly reccomend it...
-Phish, 2001, Fukuoka, Japan, June 14, 2000:
After they get out of the "chorus" of the song, trey does the sickest sound on the guitar that makes me about drive off the road everytime i hear it.... i can't even begin to imagine how to make that sound.
These are the songs that get me high just about every time i hear them... so if you want them, i'll pass em out, all you gotta do is ask. that's all for now...
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
We've Got to be Clean.
So i went to JMU this "weekend" to see Guster. The concert was fantastic, as was the company. Jessy met me down/up there (depending on where you come from), and we met up at Chelsea's place. The morning after the show, I went downstairs to take a shower and once i got in the bathroom and saw the shower, i realized something that i had never thought about before... even though i had experienced it many times... i finally realized that everybody hates everyone else's shower.
It's funny... cause whenever i stay somewhere other than one of my 2 (formerly 3) residences, the shower always SUCKED. Even if it's a hotel, it is usually pretty miserable in those showers... I have a list of things why any shower could or couldn't be up to par:
-Lighting: This is make or break for me. I am pretty blind without my glasses, so i want a lot of light in my shower to make up for that. Plus, who wants to shower in a dungeon? I like a lot of light.
-Curtain: This can play a large factor in the lightness of the shower, but more importantly, if the curtain is stubborn and won't cover that little opening between the edge of the curtain and the wall, then you get water all over the floor, and that's no fun.
-Water Control: I swear, some showers just make me feel retarded. I couldn't turn on Chelsea's from doing that whole "leaning in and turning on the water so i don't burn/freeze myself" manouver. So i had to derobe and mess with this control hoping i wouldn't burn myself by turning on only the hot water. Some showers have a little ball thingy that controls the water... some you have to pull out towards you to turn on the water, and the twist determines temperature. Sometimes you have to push the ball vertically to turn on the water, and pushing from side to side changes temp. Sometimes you just turn it counterclockwise and that's your on/off AND temperature (this is a popular one). The one in manassas has a brilliant mechanism for water control... there's a lever for turning the water on and off, and a separate lever for temperature, so that if you're the only one who showers in there, you can leave the temperature the same for every shower you take... (and its funny cause during the summer, it's usually just below the 50% mark, and during the winter, i usually have it just below full-on hot.)
-Bathtub/Shower Part 1: I am all encompasingly ok with bathtub/showers, but it does bring up a level of insecurity when turning on the water (once you figure out how to). When you turn on the water, is it going to come out of the showerhead, or the bathtub water faucet? Cause most showertubs have the automatic switch to the bath filler once you cut out the water to the showerhead. But i have come across some showers that it just stays on shower all the time. Most showertubs have that little thing you pull on the top of the faucet to turn it from bathtub to shower, but not all... and when people find a shower that doesn't have that, they usually can't find it... i.e. the shower in manassas. There is no lever... you actually pull down right where the water comes out of tub filler... kinda confusing if you don't know about it. I remember the shower in Cesaer's Palace in Vegas... i actually had to ask my mom how to turn it from bath into shower... and i really tried just about everything to get it to work. I usually pride myself in being able to figure out how things work if i look at it/play with it enough, but this shower got the best of me.
-Showertub Part 2: I could easily call this category "Drainage" but i only seem to have problems with drainage with showertubs. Figuring out whether the tub will drain or not becomes a confusing thing too.. cause i remember at mawmaw's house, the showertub upstairs has a little lever thingy to change from drain to plug... and it was always impossible to get it to work. There's also the ones where you push down and forward to "lock" it into place if you need to fill the tub (collegiate suites). There's also the twisty/lifty. This one seems to be the most popular type of water-stopper nowadays.
-Stream: This one is probably has the widest range of opinions as to how people like their showers. I grew up in a basically low-flow shower, but had a lotta water to compensate for the lack of power. So when i come across a shower that could double as a fire hose, i'm not going to have fun... that stuff freaking stings... this is a shitty shower to get with the "twist for on/off and temp" water control cause if you want less stream, you have to make the shower colder... and that's never a good thing. And there's always those showerheads with the multiple settings... "massage settings".... otherwise known as a female's best friend (if you know what i mean). Does anyone ever use anything other than the straight stream for when they shower? cause i've tried the other settings, and they all seem annoying to me. While we're on the topic of showerheads... how about these showerheads that you can take off the stand and move around. I had one of those, and i only ever took it down when i cleaned the shower (which it was very very helpful for) but for showering purposes, i never had to take it down off the stand...
-Temperature Control: And by this i mean sensitivity to making the water hot or cold... if you sneeze and it gets hotter or colder in the shower, that's too sensitive... if you twist it 4 times around, and nothing happens, then it's not sensitive enough... It's gotta be sensitive enough to change when i move it, but not super-sensitive where i can't hit my temperature mark.
-Cleanliness: this one only goes for the showers in college apartments whose place i stay at. I've seen some really really nasty showers where i felt like i was going to leave the shower dirtier than when i entered... and funny enough, it was usually an apartment with all guys... can't be a coincidence. (For your information, i had my own shower and i think i kept it fairly clean.... well clean enough for me, but i ALWAYS cleaned it before company came, so anyone who showered in there was in there in a freshly cleaned shower).
-Bathroom Rugs: I need good floor coverage in bathrooms with showers... I can't be stepping on cold or wet tiles. This is just a comfort thing. The more carpet coverage in the bathroom, the happier i am when i get in/out of the shower.
-Towel Situation: I know that at the LP, i am using the highest quality towels, cause Tom is a towel Nazi. I remember him buying 3 towels of his own so he could have his special towels when we still lived in manassas. And these towels ruled... think beach towel size, but bath towel softness/absorption. And i know how it is about giving friends towels for your shower... cause i know i gave some people my least favorite towels so i didn't have to use them that wash cycle(yeah i know, i'm a dick... leave me alone, but you do it too so shut it).
Ok now that we've gone through the list, i'd like to point out some of the things that i do that make my shower experience enjoyable to me... even though some of them might seem a little wierd to you folks, but i don't care... it's my shower experience.
-Big soft towel: I pointed this out in the "Towel Situation," you should have seen this one coming.
-CD player/mp3 player: YES. i love setting up my ipod so that it's outside the door (to avoid steam damage) but have the speakers in there, so i can sing along to whatever kind of playlist i feel like. Maroon 5 is good shower music for me, cause it's a little high for my range, but you can attempt notes in the shower that you don't normally, cause let's face it folks... there aren't 40 people in your bathroom while you're showering (unless you're on a football team, or in prison). But music is great when you can take your time and relax in the shower... otherwise, its a lot of work getting it all set up.
-No Fan: Some people like showering with the fan on to keep the mirrors from fogging up... i say screw that... if you keep the fan off, it becomes like a sauna in there... which makes easier to get out cause it's not gonna be cold when you get out. i hate those showers where the fan turns on when you turn on the fan... it's annoying.
-Mirror: I like having one of those small mirrors inside the shower so i can shave mid shower... It's just a whole lot easier to shave mid-shower, as opposed to out in the sink. Plus, when my hair gets longer, i can make a mohawk with some shampoo... that's always fun.
-Towel Rack: I need a towel rack directly outside my shower (preferably on the opposite side of the water stream) so i can wipe my face off after i wash my hair, or anytime i feel like i have too much water on my face... anyone who has known me for very long knows that one of my BIGGEST pet peaves is getting water spashed in my face* (whether i'm already wet or not does NOT matter... anytime i have extra drops of water on my face bugs the shit outta me.) So i usually wipe my face off 3-4 times per shower cause i can't stand water on my face.
Well folks that's it... that's my theory on showers. I would also like to point out that even though i mentioned Chelsea's shower in the beginning of this post, i had a pleasurable shower experience in her shower. In fact, that's what sparked my thought. Cause i was expecting it to be a bad experience (it doesn't look like a very appetizing shower), but it came through and i was happy with its performance. Even though it scored poorly in the lighting, water control, and curtain categories, the stream on it was so nice, that it made up for those things... which goes to show how a good stream of water can make or break your shower.
*Another reason i hate having water splashed on my face is that i have to clean my glasses off whenever there's a drop on there... and that can get annoying.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Songs I Am Keeping on My Ipod but I'm Still Embarrassed About Having on There.
If you read my post about the songs that needs to come off my ipod, you already know what's coming. For those that didn't read that post... SCROLL DOWN YOU LAZY BASTARDS!
Anyway... I must first point out that even though my last post was about how i was going to delete things off my ipod, i have yet to do that. Oh i've added songs... but i didn't go through and delete those horrid songs. In fact, a couple of them have come up on random and i'm like "damnit... i need to get those offa here."
So now, here's the list of songs that i like, but would be embarrassed if they came on in a car full of people. And i do want to point out that i am being completely honest here so give me a little slack on some of them... i'd like to see you fess up to some of the songs YOU secretly like. Cowards.
The Bee Gees - Jive Talkin, Night Fever, You Should be Dancing, Stayin Alive, How Deep is Your Love, More than a Woman.
A lot of these songs come on at the Weggs, and i secretly grove out to them trying not to get caught by my boss, who would make a lot of fun of me. (By the way, Chris, if you're reading this, i hate you already.) But i do have a solid reason not to be embarrassed about this song, and it comes in the form of a quote. "I mean Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees."
Blackhawk - Goodbye Says It All.
This one USED to be embarrassing, but not so much anymore... if you don't know the band, just imagine mid 90s country band with a guy trying to be super cool on the keyboards. The harmony is awesome on this song, and it's really fun to play/sing with the band. This time period was probably the beginning of the end of good country music in my book.
Aretha Franklin - Think.
This is only on the ipod cause it's on the blues brothers soundtrack, but i do enjoy a large black woman givin some attitude to a man... MMMMMMHUMMMMMM.
Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy.
This song was played so much, it's legs fell off... and the scary part about it is that it didn't have legs to begin with! But i do love this song... great melody... and it's only him... no instruments or anything!
Cardigans - Love Fool.
This song has some of the coolest chords in the world. Cool groove. The video was a little weird. But i do like this song. Only problem is that the mp3 i have has a funny effect on it so it sounds like it goes in and out of fuzzyness/clearness. does that make sense?
Chuck Mangione - Feels So Good.
Only reason this song is embarrassing is that the dude's name is Chuck Mangione... looks too much like Mangina. Fantastic Jazz piece though, you can whistle along to the tune very easily... and if you don't know how to whistle, just play around with it in the shower, only takes about a week.
Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.
At least that's what the mp3 i downloaded freshman year is labeled. People either really liked this song, or really hated it... i still like it. And it still brings images of tonya harding to my mind whenever it comes on... thank you Weird Al.
Daniel Beddingfield - If You're Not the One.
Out of all the songs i list today, this is probably the most embarrassing... It's the closest to a boy band song as one can get without actually having a boy band. In fact, this song is so out of my normal listening habits that i almost feel gay when i listen to it. (not that there's anything wrong with that). But i'm not, backer down there people. This song has one of the coolest chorus melodies around.
Dee Lite - Groove is in the Heart.
How can people not like this song... SO good. but once again, i get mixed reviews from numerous people. It's such a fun song though.
Dirty Vegas - Days Go By.
This song origionally started out as a techno song with a BADASS video. I started liking this song purely for the dancer in the video. But i have an acoustic version of the song on my ipod which is surprisingly good for a song that started as techno. Who'da thunk it?
Fastball - The Way.
One Hit Wonder. This song was played so much during the summer it came out, i was sick of it. But i DL'ed it back Freshman year and it's been in the playlist since. Great song for summer. Windows down, driving anywhere.
Hootie and the Blowfish - Most of the stuff on Cracked Rear View.
I don't understand the ups and downs of these guys career... people just started hating them... i don't get it. Their music stayed the same, it was all cool music... but for some reason, the public went all Vanilla Ice on their asses. Shame too...
Idigo Girls - Various songs.
No i'm not a lesbian. But i do like women... so i'm like half lesbian. i guess. But there was a time that i listened to a lot of indigo girls with my friend Nora... who just happens to be gay... but that's beside the point... either way, they have some great songs and great harmonies, and there's a lotta good stuff on their albums.
Jewel - Standing Still, and a couple others.
I only have Standing Still on the ipod, i don't have the others. But i played Standing Still with the teacher band for OHS Talent Show a couple years ago and it's a cool song... Anything that Byers sings RULES!
John Mayer - Every Studio Album.
This one isn't quite as embarrassing, but still some people look at me weird when i say i bought John Mayer's new album. almost like they take a second look at me and think, "Boy i didn't think Jeff was an 8th grade female." But that's alright, he's got some killer studio albums.
Kris Kross - Jump.
Ok this one isn't embarrassing, but i had to list it in here cause it's awesome. The Mac Daddy will make ya.... The daddy mac will make ya... Kris Kross will make ya!
La Tour - People are Still Having Sex.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This song rules. If you described this song to me before i ever heard it, i would not believe that it's a real song. Thank you Tom for introducing me to this masterpiece of song. It really is brilliant. I can't not smile when i hear this song. A must-listen-to-er.
Michelle Branch - Goodbye to You.
Just a cool chick singing and playing a guitar... she's got a simplicity that is cool.
No Doubt - Don't Speak, Hella Good, and Underneath it All.
Don't Speak has one of the coolest guitar solos. Hella good is a good dance song, i tend to change it about halfway through everytime. And underneath it all is probably my favorite... i love the groove and theres some potential for so great 3 part harmonies all over the place.
Rain, the Park, and Other Things - Flowers in Her Hair.
It's in the scene in Dumb and Dumber where he's fantasizing about how Mary will react when he gets to Aspen. How can you not like this song?
Sade - Smooth Operator.
This song is very chill. yay!
Soul Decision - Faded.
YES. Another one you might hear in a dance club, but it totally rules. Julia threw this song on the ipod with steve and myself in the car on the way to West Virginia, and it was probably the best 3 and a half minutes of music i've ever heard in a car. Think cheesy road trip movie... and multiply it by like 6... I mean we had seperate parts in the song... all 3 of us knew all the words (cept the rap part, but i suck at learning rap words... well.. i suck at learning ALL words... but it's ok.) Now i will always think of those 2 when the song comes on. That was a great trip.
Sytlistics - La La (Means I Love You).
The first time i heard this song was on the movie "Family Man." I liked it on there, so i figured i'd listen to the whole song. Plus Dad likes it so it wasn't hard to get ahold of.
Super Mario Brothers - Theme.
Yes, i am that much of a nerd. i have the origional SMB song on my ipod... and i've cruised down the road with windows down, level 1 blaring for all to hear.
Adam Sandler - Grow Old With You.
From Wedding Singer... yes, i have it on my ipod. i'm not lying. actually i have the whole album... but this is a good song. I need to get the song from 50 first dates "forgetful lucy." That's a good song too.
Will Smith - Just Cruisin'.
This song is off the MIB soundtrack.. and was the second release from that album, after (you guessed it) Men in Black.
Alright, that's all i have for now. It's 2:10 and i'm tired. Hope you enjoyed.
Anyway... I must first point out that even though my last post was about how i was going to delete things off my ipod, i have yet to do that. Oh i've added songs... but i didn't go through and delete those horrid songs. In fact, a couple of them have come up on random and i'm like "damnit... i need to get those offa here."
So now, here's the list of songs that i like, but would be embarrassed if they came on in a car full of people. And i do want to point out that i am being completely honest here so give me a little slack on some of them... i'd like to see you fess up to some of the songs YOU secretly like. Cowards.
The Bee Gees - Jive Talkin, Night Fever, You Should be Dancing, Stayin Alive, How Deep is Your Love, More than a Woman.
A lot of these songs come on at the Weggs, and i secretly grove out to them trying not to get caught by my boss, who would make a lot of fun of me. (By the way, Chris, if you're reading this, i hate you already.) But i do have a solid reason not to be embarrassed about this song, and it comes in the form of a quote. "I mean Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees."
Blackhawk - Goodbye Says It All.
This one USED to be embarrassing, but not so much anymore... if you don't know the band, just imagine mid 90s country band with a guy trying to be super cool on the keyboards. The harmony is awesome on this song, and it's really fun to play/sing with the band. This time period was probably the beginning of the end of good country music in my book.
Aretha Franklin - Think.
This is only on the ipod cause it's on the blues brothers soundtrack, but i do enjoy a large black woman givin some attitude to a man... MMMMMMHUMMMMMM.
Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy.
This song was played so much, it's legs fell off... and the scary part about it is that it didn't have legs to begin with! But i do love this song... great melody... and it's only him... no instruments or anything!
Cardigans - Love Fool.
This song has some of the coolest chords in the world. Cool groove. The video was a little weird. But i do like this song. Only problem is that the mp3 i have has a funny effect on it so it sounds like it goes in and out of fuzzyness/clearness. does that make sense?
Chuck Mangione - Feels So Good.
Only reason this song is embarrassing is that the dude's name is Chuck Mangione... looks too much like Mangina. Fantastic Jazz piece though, you can whistle along to the tune very easily... and if you don't know how to whistle, just play around with it in the shower, only takes about a week.
Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.
At least that's what the mp3 i downloaded freshman year is labeled. People either really liked this song, or really hated it... i still like it. And it still brings images of tonya harding to my mind whenever it comes on... thank you Weird Al.
Daniel Beddingfield - If You're Not the One.
Out of all the songs i list today, this is probably the most embarrassing... It's the closest to a boy band song as one can get without actually having a boy band. In fact, this song is so out of my normal listening habits that i almost feel gay when i listen to it. (not that there's anything wrong with that). But i'm not, backer down there people. This song has one of the coolest chorus melodies around.
Dee Lite - Groove is in the Heart.
How can people not like this song... SO good. but once again, i get mixed reviews from numerous people. It's such a fun song though.
Dirty Vegas - Days Go By.
This song origionally started out as a techno song with a BADASS video. I started liking this song purely for the dancer in the video. But i have an acoustic version of the song on my ipod which is surprisingly good for a song that started as techno. Who'da thunk it?
Fastball - The Way.
One Hit Wonder. This song was played so much during the summer it came out, i was sick of it. But i DL'ed it back Freshman year and it's been in the playlist since. Great song for summer. Windows down, driving anywhere.
Hootie and the Blowfish - Most of the stuff on Cracked Rear View.
I don't understand the ups and downs of these guys career... people just started hating them... i don't get it. Their music stayed the same, it was all cool music... but for some reason, the public went all Vanilla Ice on their asses. Shame too...
Idigo Girls - Various songs.
No i'm not a lesbian. But i do like women... so i'm like half lesbian. i guess. But there was a time that i listened to a lot of indigo girls with my friend Nora... who just happens to be gay... but that's beside the point... either way, they have some great songs and great harmonies, and there's a lotta good stuff on their albums.
Jewel - Standing Still, and a couple others.
I only have Standing Still on the ipod, i don't have the others. But i played Standing Still with the teacher band for OHS Talent Show a couple years ago and it's a cool song... Anything that Byers sings RULES!
John Mayer - Every Studio Album.
This one isn't quite as embarrassing, but still some people look at me weird when i say i bought John Mayer's new album. almost like they take a second look at me and think, "Boy i didn't think Jeff was an 8th grade female." But that's alright, he's got some killer studio albums.
Kris Kross - Jump.
Ok this one isn't embarrassing, but i had to list it in here cause it's awesome. The Mac Daddy will make ya.... The daddy mac will make ya... Kris Kross will make ya!
La Tour - People are Still Having Sex.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This song rules. If you described this song to me before i ever heard it, i would not believe that it's a real song. Thank you Tom for introducing me to this masterpiece of song. It really is brilliant. I can't not smile when i hear this song. A must-listen-to-er.
Michelle Branch - Goodbye to You.
Just a cool chick singing and playing a guitar... she's got a simplicity that is cool.
No Doubt - Don't Speak, Hella Good, and Underneath it All.
Don't Speak has one of the coolest guitar solos. Hella good is a good dance song, i tend to change it about halfway through everytime. And underneath it all is probably my favorite... i love the groove and theres some potential for so great 3 part harmonies all over the place.
Rain, the Park, and Other Things - Flowers in Her Hair.
It's in the scene in Dumb and Dumber where he's fantasizing about how Mary will react when he gets to Aspen. How can you not like this song?
Sade - Smooth Operator.
This song is very chill. yay!
Soul Decision - Faded.
YES. Another one you might hear in a dance club, but it totally rules. Julia threw this song on the ipod with steve and myself in the car on the way to West Virginia, and it was probably the best 3 and a half minutes of music i've ever heard in a car. Think cheesy road trip movie... and multiply it by like 6... I mean we had seperate parts in the song... all 3 of us knew all the words (cept the rap part, but i suck at learning rap words... well.. i suck at learning ALL words... but it's ok.) Now i will always think of those 2 when the song comes on. That was a great trip.
Sytlistics - La La (Means I Love You).
The first time i heard this song was on the movie "Family Man." I liked it on there, so i figured i'd listen to the whole song. Plus Dad likes it so it wasn't hard to get ahold of.
Super Mario Brothers - Theme.
Yes, i am that much of a nerd. i have the origional SMB song on my ipod... and i've cruised down the road with windows down, level 1 blaring for all to hear.
Adam Sandler - Grow Old With You.
From Wedding Singer... yes, i have it on my ipod. i'm not lying. actually i have the whole album... but this is a good song. I need to get the song from 50 first dates "forgetful lucy." That's a good song too.
Will Smith - Just Cruisin'.
This song is off the MIB soundtrack.. and was the second release from that album, after (you guessed it) Men in Black.
Alright, that's all i have for now. It's 2:10 and i'm tired. Hope you enjoyed.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Refrigerator-Ate-Her.
So this weekend i went to the rent's house for a jam sunday night. In the basement of my parent's house, we have about 7 mini-fridges. Ok so maybe not 7, more like 3. Two of them weren't even plugged in. So i took it upon myself to make my little bachelor pad of an upstairs at the LP a little more lazy rewarding. Now one of those 3 refrigerators is now in the 3rd floor of the LP waiting to be filled with 6 packs of be.....soda.
Now all i need is someone to bring me stuff from my fridge to my computer, and i'll be set.
Now all i need is someone to bring me stuff from my fridge to my computer, and i'll be set.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
I Need Some Fucking Ketchup.
As dane cook has stated in one of his comedy routines... when you need ketchup, there is nothing that can stop you at this goal. Your friend could be contemplating suicide and you'd interrupt them to get some ketchup for your hot tasty french fries. But enough on how awesome ketchup is... it's time to divulge into the dark side of this tomato-based product.
The bane of my existance is what one would call the "ketchup packet." You all have seen them, we've all used them, we all hate them.
First of all, this tiny metal packet is filled with about thimble's worth of ketchup. Who the hell uses 1 packet of ketchup for their entire meal? Have you ever seen ANYONE use just 1 packet? No. You haven't. Cause it doesn't happen... Some of you are thinking "but what if i don't like ketchup?" Shutup, i'm not talking to the weird people who prefer to put mustard on their food instead of ketchup... go read mustard users magazine, cause no one cares... anyways, if you're only using 1 packet of ketchup, there's a strong chance that it's the last ketchup packet in the joint.
Secondly, it's so much work having to open every single packet just to get a small amount out... all these places that still have packets need to get those ketchup pumps. So the ketchup fiends like myself and Steiner can get our fix.
There are also some people in this world who don't open a ketchup packet properly... you know who you are you lazy mofos. You're the people who just make 1 rip down the center of the packet, and just leave half of the ketchup still in the packet when you dispose of it... shameful. The correct way to do it is to tear off a corner, that way your fingers can stay ketchup free and you can squeeze out all the ketchup outta the packet.
As if all of this wasn't enough, there's also 1 more thing that can sneak up on you and ruin your dining experience....
That gunk that is almost ALWAYS on some of the packets in the collection of packets.... what the hell is this crap... it looks like freaking honey. It's sticky as hell and is just repulsive when you get some on your hands. Is it glue from the manufacturing of the packets? is it actually honey? is it dried ketchup? who the hell knows.... but what i DO know is that it's disgusting. and it's almost on your hands when you grab from a ketchup bin.
And yes, i know the packet in the picture isn't in english... leave me alone, it was the first one i found on google.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Another Song That's Getting the Axe.
I came across Bryan Adam's "Everything I Do, I Do it for You" today. it's getting the axe too... that's all for now... bye bye.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Top 10 Worst Beer Pong Rules Ever.
And by 10, i mean, i'm just going to list some rules that piss me off. if it happens to be 10, then it's by accident. it might be more, it might be less. Be happy if there's 10.
But the reason that i'm even writing this is because something has been lost in the past few years. It all started when myself and the boys went to JMU for our high school college day (where you were allowed to skip school if you were going to a college and went on a college tour). This was the first time i ever played beer pong (sorry Mom and Dad, but you knew it was going to happen... you're not dumb). Anyways, this was a great evening where a much simple-er game was played. Nowadays, people have stupid ass crazy rules for the game and ruin the point of the game.
Now for all yous in college, skip this paragraph, cause i'm gonna go over the basics for the elder generation so they know what's going on with these moronic rules. So the game goes like this, 2 teams of 2 (that's 4 people folks), both on opposite ends of a long table (or kitchen pantry door). 6 Solo cups arranged in a triangle are placed on each side of the table. These cups are then filled with a pre-determined amount of beer.... usually "the first line" or about an inch's worth of beer. Then, the 2 members of each team try to throw a ping pong ball into the opposing team's cups. The opposing team has to drink the beer in the cup that your ball lands in(which is in turn removed from the playing surface). If both players on a team make a cup, then they get to take another 2 shots. Whoever makes all 6 cups first wins, and generally, the cups that your opponents didn't make, they have to consume (in addition to the 6 cups you made).
I like to think of beer pong as being more of a fun skill game to play while drinking, where most other people do it just to get really drunk, really quick... so they come up with retarded rules to make it more about being an alcoholic, than a talented ping pong ball thrower. So all those who use beer pong as an excuse to massively chug beers, go get a beer bong and stop reading, cause you're probably not going to be happy with some of my least favorite rules. The game should be more about enjoying the game and less about getting sloshed.... anyone can get sloshed... it takes skill and practice to actually be good at beer pong. So here goes:
-You must finish all of your beer before you are allowed to shoot.
This is for frat boys, and people who like vomiting. I'll finish my beer, at my own pace, but i ALWAYS finish whatever i win/lose. Most males in college like this rule cause they're all pussies and if they didn't have to chug their beer to get their shot, they'd probably never finish all their beer. And once again, this is more about enjoying the game than getting drunk.
-Bitches blow.
This was a fairly new rule to me when i moved into my apartment sophomore year... This is a rule that if your shot is "rimming out" or "toilet bowling" then a female is allowed to blow the ball out of the cup before it hits the beer. This is a faulty rule for a couple of reasons. #1 girls should NOT get any extra help for playing, they need to learn how to play like the rest of us. #2 I have successfully blown a ping pong ball out of a cup when it was just sitting on the beer. there's no way to tell if the ball hit the beer or not, so it's basically going on trust, cause the team that shot the ball can't see down into the cup. I've gotten into many-a-arguments over this rule, people trying to cheat, thinking that people are cheating, whatever... it's a dumb rule and girls need to learn how to play without cheating.
-There's not a name for it, but it's the male counterpart to bitches blow.
I've only seen this once, and i'm sorry to say that it was at my almost roomate's place. The rule is that if the ball is still spinning around the cup, you are allowed to reach in a try to knock it out before it hits the beer. This is just asking for beer all over the place. If the ball goes in the cup, and ends up at the bottom of the cup, who cares how long it takes for it to actually get to the beer.... just let it go and drink the beer in it... and quit trying to get around the other team making cups.
-If you make 2 balls in the same cup, it's game over, you win... no ifs ands or buts.
FUCK THIS RULE. It rewards people for shooting fast and not actually trying. If your partner shoots and makes it in a cup, and you happen to make your shot in the same cup, it means you shot too fast and didn't give the other team a chance to remove the cup from the playing field. Instead of trying to shoot right after your partner so the other team doesn't have time to pick up a made cup, you should actually learn how to play, and make 6 cups to win... it's not that hard, quit trying to make shortcuts out of the game. Now this rule is very similar to the "if you make it in an opposing player's drinking cup, then you win." I'm ok with this rule with some stipulations. #1 If there is someone playing who is drinking out of something other than a solo cup, then that will make it an unfair advantage to one of the teams (big cup = unfair advantage for opponent). #2 All players are using 1 cup to pour their beer into after the other team makes each shot. If you're drinking from 7 cups, then you can't really single out the person's "drinking cup."
-Various racks other than the diamond, triangle, or OO.
Generally you get 1 re-rack upon request... sometimes forced reracks... i like both of these rules. I will now go over acceptable and unacceptable rerackings.
Acceptable Racks:
Both of these are cheating, cause it produces a vertical straight line (which is slightly easier to make). If you have 3 cups, it needs to be the triangle...
-When both players make their shots, You only get 1 ball returned.
Rollbacks are a such a great thing, why ruin it by only giving back 1 and not giving the chance for double rollbacks? a team that can consistantly get rollbacks is a team that's gonna win a lot.
-Bouncing.
I can go either way with this. Sometimes i like bouncing, sometimes i don't. But what i don't like, is when a person shoots, it hits off the cup, bounces off a wall or something and THEN goes into the cup and people counting it as 2 (if you bounce the ball in it's like you made 2 cups, but the other team can swat it away). If you purposely try to bounce it in to get 2 cups, then you should be rewarded for that. but if you miss a normal shot and it happens to bounce and go in, it shouldn't even count.
-Not so much of a rule, just a way of playing.
I came across 2 people from ODU who liked to shoot their first shot (most times a bounce) right as i was releasing the ball. What a cheap way to play, avoiding the defense cause i was still shooting instead of looking for the bounce. On my 3rd time, i pretended to shoot and the guy shot his shot, so i made him drink 2 for shooting before me... prick.
-Another not-rule.
Anyone who complains about the house rules should be banned off the table.... cause its annoying. Granted, I have complained about the "make to balls in the same cup and it's game over rule" at many-a places, but i refused to play beer pong at these places ever again.
That's all i can handle right now, i might throw some more in the comments later... and if you have any that you hate, throw them up there.
But the reason that i'm even writing this is because something has been lost in the past few years. It all started when myself and the boys went to JMU for our high school college day (where you were allowed to skip school if you were going to a college and went on a college tour). This was the first time i ever played beer pong (sorry Mom and Dad, but you knew it was going to happen... you're not dumb). Anyways, this was a great evening where a much simple-er game was played. Nowadays, people have stupid ass crazy rules for the game and ruin the point of the game.
Now for all yous in college, skip this paragraph, cause i'm gonna go over the basics for the elder generation so they know what's going on with these moronic rules. So the game goes like this, 2 teams of 2 (that's 4 people folks), both on opposite ends of a long table (or kitchen pantry door). 6 Solo cups arranged in a triangle are placed on each side of the table. These cups are then filled with a pre-determined amount of beer.... usually "the first line" or about an inch's worth of beer. Then, the 2 members of each team try to throw a ping pong ball into the opposing team's cups. The opposing team has to drink the beer in the cup that your ball lands in(which is in turn removed from the playing surface). If both players on a team make a cup, then they get to take another 2 shots. Whoever makes all 6 cups first wins, and generally, the cups that your opponents didn't make, they have to consume (in addition to the 6 cups you made).
I like to think of beer pong as being more of a fun skill game to play while drinking, where most other people do it just to get really drunk, really quick... so they come up with retarded rules to make it more about being an alcoholic, than a talented ping pong ball thrower. So all those who use beer pong as an excuse to massively chug beers, go get a beer bong and stop reading, cause you're probably not going to be happy with some of my least favorite rules. The game should be more about enjoying the game and less about getting sloshed.... anyone can get sloshed... it takes skill and practice to actually be good at beer pong. So here goes:
-You must finish all of your beer before you are allowed to shoot.
This is for frat boys, and people who like vomiting. I'll finish my beer, at my own pace, but i ALWAYS finish whatever i win/lose. Most males in college like this rule cause they're all pussies and if they didn't have to chug their beer to get their shot, they'd probably never finish all their beer. And once again, this is more about enjoying the game than getting drunk.
-Bitches blow.
This was a fairly new rule to me when i moved into my apartment sophomore year... This is a rule that if your shot is "rimming out" or "toilet bowling" then a female is allowed to blow the ball out of the cup before it hits the beer. This is a faulty rule for a couple of reasons. #1 girls should NOT get any extra help for playing, they need to learn how to play like the rest of us. #2 I have successfully blown a ping pong ball out of a cup when it was just sitting on the beer. there's no way to tell if the ball hit the beer or not, so it's basically going on trust, cause the team that shot the ball can't see down into the cup. I've gotten into many-a-arguments over this rule, people trying to cheat, thinking that people are cheating, whatever... it's a dumb rule and girls need to learn how to play without cheating.
-There's not a name for it, but it's the male counterpart to bitches blow.
I've only seen this once, and i'm sorry to say that it was at my almost roomate's place. The rule is that if the ball is still spinning around the cup, you are allowed to reach in a try to knock it out before it hits the beer. This is just asking for beer all over the place. If the ball goes in the cup, and ends up at the bottom of the cup, who cares how long it takes for it to actually get to the beer.... just let it go and drink the beer in it... and quit trying to get around the other team making cups.
-If you make 2 balls in the same cup, it's game over, you win... no ifs ands or buts.
FUCK THIS RULE. It rewards people for shooting fast and not actually trying. If your partner shoots and makes it in a cup, and you happen to make your shot in the same cup, it means you shot too fast and didn't give the other team a chance to remove the cup from the playing field. Instead of trying to shoot right after your partner so the other team doesn't have time to pick up a made cup, you should actually learn how to play, and make 6 cups to win... it's not that hard, quit trying to make shortcuts out of the game. Now this rule is very similar to the "if you make it in an opposing player's drinking cup, then you win." I'm ok with this rule with some stipulations. #1 If there is someone playing who is drinking out of something other than a solo cup, then that will make it an unfair advantage to one of the teams (big cup = unfair advantage for opponent). #2 All players are using 1 cup to pour their beer into after the other team makes each shot. If you're drinking from 7 cups, then you can't really single out the person's "drinking cup."
-Various racks other than the diamond, triangle, or OO.
Generally you get 1 re-rack upon request... sometimes forced reracks... i like both of these rules. I will now go over acceptable and unacceptable rerackings.
Acceptable Racks:
Both of these are cheating, cause it produces a vertical straight line (which is slightly easier to make). If you have 3 cups, it needs to be the triangle...
-When both players make their shots, You only get 1 ball returned.
Rollbacks are a such a great thing, why ruin it by only giving back 1 and not giving the chance for double rollbacks? a team that can consistantly get rollbacks is a team that's gonna win a lot.
-Bouncing.
I can go either way with this. Sometimes i like bouncing, sometimes i don't. But what i don't like, is when a person shoots, it hits off the cup, bounces off a wall or something and THEN goes into the cup and people counting it as 2 (if you bounce the ball in it's like you made 2 cups, but the other team can swat it away). If you purposely try to bounce it in to get 2 cups, then you should be rewarded for that. but if you miss a normal shot and it happens to bounce and go in, it shouldn't even count.
-Not so much of a rule, just a way of playing.
I came across 2 people from ODU who liked to shoot their first shot (most times a bounce) right as i was releasing the ball. What a cheap way to play, avoiding the defense cause i was still shooting instead of looking for the bounce. On my 3rd time, i pretended to shoot and the guy shot his shot, so i made him drink 2 for shooting before me... prick.
-Another not-rule.
Anyone who complains about the house rules should be banned off the table.... cause its annoying. Granted, I have complained about the "make to balls in the same cup and it's game over rule" at many-a places, but i refused to play beer pong at these places ever again.
That's all i can handle right now, i might throw some more in the comments later... and if you have any that you hate, throw them up there.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
It Makes You Want to Punch a Baby.
I HATE it when people are standing in front of the yogurt (just an example), deciding on what to buy, and after looking at the nutrition facts of whatever they're looking at, put it back in the wrong spot.
That being said, there's a right way to put things back in the wrong spot, and there's a wrong way. I will describe what i'm ok with and what pisses me off below.
Reasons why i get so mad at people who put things back in the wrong spot:
- if i'm standing right next to you filling something on the shelves and i can see you, it's probably a bad time to put whatever you're looking at in the wrong spot. To me it says "Fuck you, i don't care if you have to fix what i'm doing, even though i am STANDING WHERE THE ITEM GOES CAUSE I JUST PICKED IT UP."
-If you are still in the same 4 foot strech of supermarket when you decide that something you picked up off the shelf is not what you want to buy, put it back where you found it. It almost takes more effort to put it back in the wrong spot.
-There is NO POSSIBLE WAY to put something back in the wrong spot on accident. Because you picked it up, you had to be standing there...
The only time it's ok to put stuff back in the wrong spot is if you are nowhere close to the section you got it.... For example, if i'm walking around walmart, and i decide i want to buy Air Bud on DVD an pick it up, then later decide that it's probably a bad idea and i can catch it on HBO later tonight, and i'm in the Panteen Pro V section, i'm ok with making Air Bud a health and beauty item. This is because i'd have to walk all the way back to the electronics area. When i see some bacon or something in my section, i'm ok with that, cause it's a long walk just to take back some bacon.
That's it for now.
That being said, there's a right way to put things back in the wrong spot, and there's a wrong way. I will describe what i'm ok with and what pisses me off below.
Reasons why i get so mad at people who put things back in the wrong spot:
- if i'm standing right next to you filling something on the shelves and i can see you, it's probably a bad time to put whatever you're looking at in the wrong spot. To me it says "Fuck you, i don't care if you have to fix what i'm doing, even though i am STANDING WHERE THE ITEM GOES CAUSE I JUST PICKED IT UP."
-If you are still in the same 4 foot strech of supermarket when you decide that something you picked up off the shelf is not what you want to buy, put it back where you found it. It almost takes more effort to put it back in the wrong spot.
-There is NO POSSIBLE WAY to put something back in the wrong spot on accident. Because you picked it up, you had to be standing there...
The only time it's ok to put stuff back in the wrong spot is if you are nowhere close to the section you got it.... For example, if i'm walking around walmart, and i decide i want to buy Air Bud on DVD an pick it up, then later decide that it's probably a bad idea and i can catch it on HBO later tonight, and i'm in the Panteen Pro V section, i'm ok with making Air Bud a health and beauty item. This is because i'd have to walk all the way back to the electronics area. When i see some bacon or something in my section, i'm ok with that, cause it's a long walk just to take back some bacon.
That's it for now.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Songs I Need to Take Off My Ipod.
As i was driving to Tech this "weekend" (i have off monday and tuesday), i had my ipod on random like a usually do, and came across a record number of songs that i would really be embarrassed if they came on in public. So here goes... all the songs i'm taking off my ipod once i get back to the LP.
Christina Aguilera - Come on Over.
Yes... this is actually on my ipod. At one point in my life i thought this was a cool dance song... hello 6 years ago. goodbye this song.
Baha Men - Who let the dogs out?
I can't help but laugh at myself for actually downloading this song, let alone have it on the ipod. But i must say, everytime it's come on, i laugh for the first "who let the dog's out... woof woof woof" and by the last woof, it's changed...
New Kids on the Block - Step by Step, Hangin Tough, and the Right Stuff.
The trifecta of NKotB. also a good one to have a laugh at for the first 3 seconds of each song... only with these songs, after i laugh, i cry, cause it's sad that I still have them on there.
Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up.
Sorry Dad, i know you love this song, but i can't handle listening to this whole song.
The Hampster Dance.
You guys remember that webpage that had this cute hamster dancing on it to a techno song called the hampster dance? well i do. I have it on my ipod. probably one of the most annoying songs ever made. still funny though.
Lifehouse - Hanging by a Moment.
I used to like this song. a while ago. but now it's just annoying. and it reminds me of Nickelback. and nickelback makes me want to stab things. so it's getting the axe.
Nine Days - Absolutely (the story of a girl).
"who cried a river and drowned the whole world." that's not depressing at all. not in the least bit..... This song was so overplayed, that i'm surprised it made it onto the ipod in the first place... Although, out of all of these songs, this is the one that i'll probably still keep (even though its on this list). It's probably the least hated song on this list.
Every Queen song minus the good ones.
The good ones being Bohemian Rhapsody, We will rock you, We are the champions, and under pressure (which i don't really like, but you gotta have it on there cause it's what Vanilla Ice ripped off.)
That's it.
Coming soon... Songs I Am Keeping on My Ipod but I'm Still Embarrassed About Having on There.
Christina Aguilera - Come on Over.
Yes... this is actually on my ipod. At one point in my life i thought this was a cool dance song... hello 6 years ago. goodbye this song.
Baha Men - Who let the dogs out?
I can't help but laugh at myself for actually downloading this song, let alone have it on the ipod. But i must say, everytime it's come on, i laugh for the first "who let the dog's out... woof woof woof" and by the last woof, it's changed...
New Kids on the Block - Step by Step, Hangin Tough, and the Right Stuff.
The trifecta of NKotB. also a good one to have a laugh at for the first 3 seconds of each song... only with these songs, after i laugh, i cry, cause it's sad that I still have them on there.
Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up.
Sorry Dad, i know you love this song, but i can't handle listening to this whole song.
The Hampster Dance.
You guys remember that webpage that had this cute hamster dancing on it to a techno song called the hampster dance? well i do. I have it on my ipod. probably one of the most annoying songs ever made. still funny though.
Lifehouse - Hanging by a Moment.
I used to like this song. a while ago. but now it's just annoying. and it reminds me of Nickelback. and nickelback makes me want to stab things. so it's getting the axe.
Nine Days - Absolutely (the story of a girl).
"who cried a river and drowned the whole world." that's not depressing at all. not in the least bit..... This song was so overplayed, that i'm surprised it made it onto the ipod in the first place... Although, out of all of these songs, this is the one that i'll probably still keep (even though its on this list). It's probably the least hated song on this list.
Every Queen song minus the good ones.
The good ones being Bohemian Rhapsody, We will rock you, We are the champions, and under pressure (which i don't really like, but you gotta have it on there cause it's what Vanilla Ice ripped off.)
That's it.
Coming soon... Songs I Am Keeping on My Ipod but I'm Still Embarrassed About Having on There.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Holy Hell.
I just hung up the phone with the worst telemarketer i've ever talked to. This is how the conversation went.
Retarded Lady: Hi my name is _______, is the ...(pause, i hear typing in the background)....
Me: No Thanks. Have a nice day.
RL: This is Verizon and this is very important information.
Me: Ok, go on (Since verizon was over here yesterday to install stuff i figured i'd give her another shot just in case this actually was important.)
RL: We are conducting a survey on television usage for......(another pause, i can still hear typing in the background.)
Me: I don't want to take a survey.
RL: Sir, your information will be confidential, we will.... (pause)....
Me: I'm busy. I gotta go. *click*
Now i could've really laid into this woman for not knowing how to talk, but i find that writing a blog entry while i'm still steaming from her not learning how to talk would be a better output than yelling at this lady.
I wish i had it recorded.
Retarded Lady: Hi my name is _______, is the ...(pause, i hear typing in the background)....
Me: No Thanks. Have a nice day.
RL: This is Verizon and this is very important information.
Me: Ok, go on (Since verizon was over here yesterday to install stuff i figured i'd give her another shot just in case this actually was important.)
RL: We are conducting a survey on television usage for......(another pause, i can still hear typing in the background.)
Me: I don't want to take a survey.
RL: Sir, your information will be confidential, we will.... (pause)....
Me: I'm busy. I gotta go. *click*
Now i could've really laid into this woman for not knowing how to talk, but i find that writing a blog entry while i'm still steaming from her not learning how to talk would be a better output than yelling at this lady.
I wish i had it recorded.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
The Best and Worst Parties of All Time.
After this awesome weekend, i thought i've realized that the last 2 parties i've been to happened to be the worst, and then the best parties i've ever been to. I'll start off with the best.
I'm gonna go ahead and say that the best party i've been to is any one that is called OBB. Shocker right? Anyways... it's a full day of drinking, music and drinking. How can you beat that? With flipcup, and horseshoes too, it makes no room for other parties to compare. For all those who are OBB virgins, i really feel sorry for you guys, cause you don't know what you're missing. NOTHING is more important than OBB. and with Cinco De OBB coming up next year... i hope to see you all there, cause i'll be there.... having the best time of the whole year.... every year.
Ok, now that i've said that, time to talk about the worst party i've ever been to. (And if you happen to read this Hanson, i'm sorry, but seriously... you guys need to work on your party throwing skills.)
Anyways, i went to GMU to hang out with my friend Nick Hanson for a random party he told me about, so i was excited. The trip started out kinda shitty, cause mapquest directions basically just stop. (it's in a court, but the court isn't actually in mapquest, so the directions just stop at the entrance of the court.) But i eventually found it, parked my car where it was going to stay all night, and into the morning, since i had planned on spending the night there. Once i got there, things were great... met up with some old OHS people i hadn't seen in years. played some beer pong, kicked some ass, and lost the next game, and went about my way. by this time, i'm about 3-4 beers into the night, when one of my underage friends arrives(whose name is being withheld to protect the guilty. hahaha). once he shows up, we go get a beer, and as we walk up to the keg, one of nick's friends says to me "seven dollars please."
7 freaking dollars for this party. This is unacceptable. i don't care if you're serving Crystal... if it's a college party, $3 is the most you ask for, if you ask at all. but seven dollars, give me a freaking break.
So i walk over to nick in his room and ask him wtf is up with 7 dollars, and he looks at me like "what's wrong with that?" and says "how about 5?"
I didn't want to argue, so i just threw down $10 for myself and my friend... we'll call him Jim so i don't have to keep saying "underage friend."
So Jim goes over to get his beer, and comes back with X's on his hand. They asked him if he was over 21, and when he said no, they x'ed him, then proceeded to give him some beer.
From a college party standpoint, this should never happen. I understand that they're just trying to protect themselves from trouble, but if you're gonna try to protect yourself, don't let him drink. that's simple enough... don't give him the X mark of death. if he wanted x's on his hands, we would've gone to a bar.
By the time all of this had happened, i had drunk enough to where i couldn't drive home, so i was stuck. So Jim and i just hung out by ourselves, trying not to draw attention from the large amount of douches that were attending said party.
As the night was dying down, Jim and I sat down on the couches to "claim" them for the night ahead, when this random kid comes up to me and starts talking shit to me for NO REASON.
Retarded Kid: Did you just look at me? FUCK YOU.
Me: What?
RK: You want to fight me?
Me: Are you joking?
RK: You're a pussy, come say shit to my face.
Me (to Jim): Is this really happening?
Jim: I think so.
RK walked away without saying anything else...I thought he was joking. like seriously, i thought he was trying to be funny.
About 5 minutes later he walked past Jim and myself....
Me: What's up man, you feeling better?
RK: Did you say something to me? (walks over next to my face like a big man who wants to fight)
Me: Dude, i was kidding relax.
RK: Fuck you say something else.
Me:
RK: That's right, i'm a big tough guy who likes men.
Ok so that last line i kinda made up. but it's probably true. As RK walked away, Jim said to me
"if that kid did anything to you, i so had your back, cause he's retarded."
That made me feel better.... but not about the party. it sucked.
I spent the next 8-10 hours trying to sleep through people talking. 1 conversation happened to be at around 4:37 am about something stupid where i turned around and said "SHUT THE HELL UP IT'S 4:37.... GO TO BED" which did the trick.
That's my story.
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