Thursday, July 06, 2006

Girls are Evil.

I can do a lot of complicated things. I can play drums. I can play guitar. I can spin a basketball on my finger. I can juggle. I can throw a ping pong ball into a beer filled up across the room.

But for the love of god, i can not figure out girls.

I thought i was doing good there for a while, but once again, i'm completely lost. It's like they're bred to send mixed signals. So my question for you, is what is the real signal, and what is the fake signal. cause it usually turns out that i go for the fake at a 90% rate. it's an accurate number. i swear.

So what i'm trying to say is... make up your damn minds and help a brother out, let me know what the story is cause it could be painted on the wall and i wouldn't be able to figure it out.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Probably the Best One I've Seen.

So a customer comes up to me at WeggyWorld the other day and asks me a really dumb can see the layout of the scene with my lovely hand drawn drawing.

He then proceeds to ask me "Where is the velveeta?"

This question comes up a lot at Wegman's, and i'm used to answering it, so i think nothing of it and begin to point to where the velveeta is.

This is when it happened... He interrupts my hand motion and speech to continue with his question.... "I come in here all the time and the velveeta is usually on this little rack." He then proceeds to point to the little rack that the velveeta is ACTUALLY STORED ON.

Now i could approach this answer (like most) in two ways....

Answer #1
Me: Well sir, the velveeta actually is stored on that little rack, check the bottom shelf of it, you might find some there.
Customer: Oh, i see it now, thanks.

Answer #2:
Me: You are retarded.
Customer: I know.

Seeing as how i like not being fired, i chose answer #1.

I had to restrain myself from laughing though... cause i thought it was quite hilarious.