What Price Fame?

A couple months ago when i was working at the Weggy, this magazine was for sale, and I just could not let it go. Apparently OK! Magazine hires monkeys to edit their COVER. What price fame? I think i heard someone say this at China Inn when i was ordering my kung pow chicken the other day. Now there's nothing wrong with someone who's primary language is not english to speak like this, because let's face it, more people in the world speak Chinenglish and other forms of English than what i consider American English. But the cover of an American magazine has "what price fame" as its bold print, attention getting headline... come on guys. It reminds me of throwing a beautifully written essay into one of those translators online. They spit out the words, but it's just all wrong. My suggestion to OK magazine is to figure out "What Price Hire New Editor?" Am I crazy for thinking this is ridiculous or am i just being too harsh? Did anyone else see this magazine and find something wrong about it, or was it just me?

Round Shoelaces.

I can never get round shoelaces to stay tied for longer than an hour... why the fuck do they still make shoelaces round? I know they seem like they are better choices than the flat ones which can get twisted... but the flat ones don't come untied... so what gives?

Stupid round shoelaces.

25 Random Things About Me.

1.) I have a blog which i love when people read, but i usually don't know who is reading it. But i tend to neglect it for a few months on end, then bang out 4 or 5 quickfire the next week or so. I have a lot of ideas of future blogs, but just need to sit down and spend the time to make them funny/witty/or generally interesting (i think) for the readers (which mostly consists of my family). If you read through the archives, i'm sure you will find a few more than 25 interesting things about me.

2.) I am really cocky and self-centered. I usually think i'm better than you at everything, and most times i'm right, but i don't have the heart to tell you and i feel bad for even thinking it, but it's just how i see things. When i'm NOT good at something, I will always say so because i can't stand to be worse at something than you, so i take away the ammo you have against making fun of me for it. You can usually witness this if we're playing beer pong or quarters... the combination of alcohol and a stupid little game i'm good at is a recipe for Cocky Jeff to make an appearance. Just ask anyone who's played beer pong with me.

3.) More than anything, i strive to be funny. Nothing makes me happier than making someone who i think is funny laugh. This is usually a good thing, but i know will bite me in my ass big time at some point. In fact, I KNOW it will ruin a few job interviews, I just can't help myself when the joke pops in my head. Most of my jokes fail, but i love those jokes as much as the ones that actually are funny. Quantity breeds quality in the field of humor. When you tell 100 jokes, a few of them HAVE to be funny. That's just how i roll.

4.) I am AWESOME at counting.

6.) I have never tried weed. Don't really plan on it either, unless it becomes legal (which i doubt). And I've never done any other illegal drugs either.

7.) I love to drive. We going somewhere? I'm usually driving. This is for a few reasons: I usually feel like other people aren't paying as much attention on the road as me as a passenger, therefore i spend a lot of time stomping on the imaginary brake pedal on the passenger side. Also I usually know where i'm going, and when i don't, i have Carmin Garmin with me to solve those issues quickly.

8.) I am still very addicted to fast food. I get great pleasure out of french fries, JBC's, Quarter Pounders, and Stuft Grilled burritos. If i am hungry and a fast food commercial comes on, I usually end up wanting that for the rest of the night.

9.) I used to be a really picky eater, but now i am (usually) willing to try most anything. Sushi? sure why not? Zucchini? awesome... pile it on. Broccoli? Sounds good to me. Oysters? I think i'll still pass, but good guess though.

10.) I can put down some Dr. Pepper. Ever seen Forrest Gump? Yeah, it's that bad.

11.) I could watch tv all day and all night and have a great day. If i turned all the time i spend watching tv to study time, I would have a 4.0 in college (I don't).

12.) In the same vein as #2, I'm smart enough to know who's smarter than me, and that can help me from making an idiot of myself.

13.) I'm not an english major, but i like it when your grammar is correct. There, they're, and their is not hard to get right. Too, to, and two, too. And for the last fucking time, it's spelled TOMORROW, not tomarrow.

14.) I have a tattoo of VT on my ass cheek. Haven't told anyone yet, but it rules.

15.) I ALWAYS lie about #14 on lists I create just to have my mom's heart skip a beat (I don't have a tattoo mom, so don't call me and ask if i do).

16.) The only thing i would change about my dog Avery is that she pees and poops in the house. Other than that, she is a perfect dog to me. And quite honest, if i was more vigilant about exercise, discipline, then affection, this problem would probably disappear. I need to walk her more often, but usually end up doing stuff like #11.

17.) I love Virginia Tech and Blacksburg more and more as time goes by. Even when i was at the point where it didn't look like i was going to graduate from here, I still felt like a Hokie. It holds a special place in my heart and always will. If i ever get a tattoo, it will be a VT (but not on my ass).

18.) I like to think that my music tastes are broad. I at least like 1 song from every genre (even rap... thank you white boy Eminem and his posse, D12). My only criteria is that you have some form of talent backing what you are doing. Nickelback does not have talent, therefore i don't like them.

19.) I've always wanted to try stand-up, but have never had the balls to actually write down my jokes. Writing them down is the first step. Getting up on stage is the next step... can't even get past the first step... maybe one day....

20.) Life is boring without music. I don't understand how people can ride around in their cars not be listening to music. How do you do that? Someone please explain.

21.) I wish i could thank everyone who helped me get to where i am as a person, student, friend, uncle, brother, son, and fiance.

22.) I miss high school. Most people say they hate high school, but i enjoyed every second of it. Talent show, running track, (being skinny), hangin out with the 4 amigos... hard to beat.

23.) I need to play guitar more. I'm at the point now where i don't get any better. I'm stuck where i'm at musically, and i need to kick it into high gear if i'm ever going to get any better. Playing less than once a week is terrible for my fingers, and they hate me for it.

24.) I have the best parents in the world. I don't know how people survive without them. If i screw something up, they'll tell me it wasn't smart, and fix it for me. For example, overdrafting my bank account ALL THE TIME. "I hope you enjoyed that $35 JBC, don't do it again."

25.) Finally, thank you Jessy. Without you, I would have NEVER been back at school. I'd still be working overnights, my knees would be hurting, and i would never get to see you and my fantastic dog. There are other things in this life that you given me, but nothing compares to what you have done to inspire me to better myself for me. Don't stop.

Pull in Emergency.

In my recent bout of hospital visits, i came across something i had never really seen before in my daily life. Even though i saw them, i did not make particular note of their presence other than the fact that they are there. What i'm referring to of course are the numerous "Pull if you need help" red strings that litter every single bathroom of a hospital.

In fact, I didn't give them a second thought beyond "oh hey, they are there," until my brother pointed out that they were in fact, very interesting. So interesting that i should write a blog about them. So, lets take a trip into the land of over-examination of mundane things for a bit shall we?

I understand why these things are actually in place... anyone who has a brain can figure out why a hospital would need such an item. But from my count, each bathroom has at least 2 of these, and some of them have 3. Very strategically placed. One within reach of the crapper, one within the shower, and wherever else you can't reach from there. This is a good thing... i mean... who wants to be stuck on the John and realize that they can't get up without assistance (pretty awesome that if the tp runs out, you can probably pull for some more of that too).

What i don't really understand about this whole deal, is that these pull strings are in the public bathrooms too, not only in the patient rooms. Why would someone who is using the public bathroom need emergency assistance if they are in the public bathroom? If i were a patient, i would be using my own freaking bathroom in my room. I can understand having these things in the bathrooms closest to the ER where you're most likely waiting for someone to see you and you are in fact injured or sick or something... but in the place where dad was, it seemed that anyone coming to visit a patient would just use the patient's room, or they'd be healthy enough (in the case of an emergency) yell or call for help where someone would hear you.

I really think that this is just a bit overkill in the system though... If you're in a hospital, and you need help in the bathroom, it would be much easier to get help than say a walmart bathroom. Imagine if you slipped and busted your face in the bathroom at walmart... THEN i'd want a pull string every 3 feet. Cause who the hell knows if you're ever going to be found in the bathroom of a walmart, slowly bleeding to death from the open wound on your head... they hide bathrooms like they're trying to keep people out of them.

So dad, i'm glad you are better, but it's time to install some emergency pull strings in the house... who knows when someone at the OBB is going to need assistence in the bathroom.

The Traffic Circle.

Few times in history has VDOT ever improved traffic flow. Our infrastructure is too old for the volume of cars (we all know this, anyone who doesn't needs to move away from the boonies). There are so many "bad intersections" that I hate to run across in my travels in my car, and most of the time, i tend to avoid these intersections. We all have our preferred routes to take when going places, and mine tend to follow the mantra of "avoid shitty left turns." You know the turns i'm talking about. Where the planets have to align for you to be able to cross the street without saying "hold on" to your passengers.

But in recent times, I have noticed a few changes to the traffic patterns that have vastly improved some of these "bad intersections." Most notably is the traffic circle that VT installed on the intersection of West Campus Drive and Washington Street. Before this traffic circle was installed, it was impossible to turn left onto Washington Street between 9am and 7pm. Before this, buses would be stuck at this intersection so often, that they hired a traffic cop for rush hour. Well, not anymore. You can read about it and see a picture here.

Another surprising change in the traffic patterns in Blacksburg is the removal of the street light from the corner of Washington Street and Draper (this is farther down on Washington street off campus). Most of the time, waiting for this light was pointless because there was never any cross traffic. The 4 way stop that is in its place is much more efficient in keeping traffic moving and i assume it has reduced the number of accidents at the intersection.

Finally, in something that i can only call sheer genius, to get to Blacksburg, I drive about an hour down 66, hang a left onto 81, and 3 hours later i exit. Normally when I exit, it's 55mph on 460 to get to campus. But in the past month, the gods above have smiled down upon us and raised the limit to 65. That's right ladies and gentlemen... they actually RAISED the speed limit on a road. This is the same road that one of my friends got a ticket for going 75 down the hill when the limit was 55 (even after i WARNED him not to speed on 460). What amazes me is that people still drive 55 on this road. Even when the speed limit was 55, people NEVER drove 55, they all sped. Now that it's 65, i find more people actually driving 55, than anything. Appartently I was the only one that got the memo.

Shower Power.

Jess and I moved into a house in Blacksburg. It is 3500 sq feet, and I love it. The yard is large, it's close to Lane Stadium/Campus, and it's 120 years old. I've only found a few things that i can complain about it.

I have written about showers in the past. When i originally wrote that post, i thought i had distinguished all of the possibilities for terrible showers. Apparently i was wrong. In this house, we have 2 bathrooms. One that goes with the master bedroom (our room) and the "public" bathroom downstairs. In our bathroom, there's a bathtub. Unfortunately we forgot to actually look INSIDE the shower curtain, cause we probably would've noticed that it does not actually have a shower. Shower curtain, but no actual shower. Just a tub. So... it's baths only upstairs.

Downstairs there's only a shower. The shower is 3 walls of flimsy metal, so that if you barely tap it, it sounds like thunder. The 4th side is obviously the curtain. The floor feels like smooth concrete. The water takes about 5 minutes to get warm... I hypothesize that the reason for this is that the water flow is so slow, that it takes that long to get to the shower. When i say low flow... that does not even begin to describe the water that comes out of the shower. This shower is the airport faucet of showers. With those press down buttons that slowly (read: very quickly) rise up and shut off after a few seconds so that no one floods the sinks. That's what it feels like to shower in this bathroom.

So my choices are taking a bath, or showering in an airport faucet shower...

Hamlet in His Younger Years.

"To be... or not to be.... that is the question."