Monday, May 07, 2007

My Little Secret.

Ever since i moved into Tom's house, i realized that i had to do something different than i was used to. In fact, most men have to go through this at one point or another... and it's all because of you women. I must say that this is one issue that i stand firmly behind the guys and it is totally unfair for us to have to put up with this. That being said, i changed my ways (while i was there) and learned from my mistakes and found it easier to "fall in" than to have it my way and get yelled at, because let's face it folks, it wasn't my house. So here it is, here's my secret:

I put the toilet seat down after going number 1.

I did this mainly because i didn't want to get yelled at by Becky. But men, you can fight back... like i do. This is my TRUE secret that i have come up with to make it fair, the only way i can... so men, if you get yelled at when you leave that pesky toilet seat up, follow these instructions... Every time you go #1, put the toilet seat down.... BOTH of them. That way when she gets in there, SHE TOO has to take at least 1 action before doing her business. Let's review the ins and outs of the procedure here to further see why it's unfair for women to ask such a daunting task from us. First starting with the condition that men must put the toilet seat down.

Toilet seat down upon entering:
-Male going #1: toilet seat up(1), * , toilet seat down(2)
-Male going #2: nothing, * , nothing
-Female going #1 or 2: nothing, * , nothing
ACTION COUNT: 2 for males, 0 for women (this is fair.... not)

Now lets examine this if there is no rule as to the position of the toilet seat once we are finished...(note: see above for when toilet seat is down).

Toilet seat up upon entering :
- Male going #1: nothing, * , toilet seat down
- Male going #2: toilet seat down (1), * , nothing
- Female going #1 or 2: toilet seat down(1), * , nothing
ACTION COUNT: 1 for each... seems actually fair to me.

note: * means doing the business.

So men, if your woman wants you to put the toilet seat down after the fact, and you want to "even the score," put both the seats down so she'll ALWAYS have to take an action before she does her business (so will you, but since you have to put the toilet seat down anyways, what's your worry?).

Now the women may have some "arguements" as to why what i'm saying is totally unfair to them, i will attempt to silence all of these by guessing them.

-It's unfair that men get to stand up to pee, so they should suffer to make it even.
Sorry ladies, can't help you there... talk to God about that one.... or mabye Eve.

-When the toilet seat is up, and i don't look, i could very well fall in.
HAHAHAHA, wow... ever heard of the saying "look before you leap?" Maybe you should look before you put your toosh someplace. i look in the chair before i sit down, and i also look at the toilet seat before i sit down, just to make sure i don't fall in. (this is a terrible excuse).

-You should sit when you pee cause it splatters everywhere.
While this may be true, there is nothing that you could do to make me sit down when i pee. nice try.

-You're missing the point, me asking you to put the seat down was to make my life easier.
Well honey... do you want me to put the seat down or not... you either get the full commitment, or you get the toilet seat left up, you decide.

-I'm a woman and i am always right so you're just going to have to deal with what i say cause i'm the boss and it's tough cookies for you.
OK, you win.

In conclusion, ladies.... if i have been around your house, apartment, condo, and you get into your bathroom to find a toilet with both lids down, you know who's to blame.

P.S. I have changed the title to my previous blog to better suit the entry. thanks to John Mayer for the words.


Jessy said...

Thank goodness Becky trained you... that saves me alot of work!

MotherOf3Guys said...

Ok, try living with 4 males! Some of whom may or maynot be all that trainable!! I think I'm pretty well trained to always look before I sit.

GR8UMPS3 said...

I always put both down. I started this many many many years ago. and men, it is so easy, hit the flush bar, grab seat all in one motion.... after all, the seat is right there by the flush handle.

Becky - the trainer said...

It'd be a pleasure to live with your new toilet seat rules...I just have to remark that women are much more likely to have to pee in the middle of the night than men. In the three+ years that Tom and I have been married I've only ever seen him get up in the middle of the night to potty once. It happens so rarely that that one time gave me a complete heart attack and screaming ensued. And currently, I'm lucky to make it through only 2 potty breaks in the middle of the night. Therefore, in order not to wake the spouse with the bathroom light being turned on at 3:00 a.m., the seat should be down. If the lid's down, much easier to notice than just the seat missing.

I'm glad to see you were trainable and so is your brother.

That's all I have to say about that.

Tom said...

I don't even think about it anymore. It was a rough adjustment at first though. It's funny when I sometimes forget though...I'm pretty sure Becky has fallen in once. Proof that she actually doesn't look before leaping.