Link to "Food For Thought."

Check out an unfinished blog i wrote on Nov 3rd, i have a note on the bottom explaining why it's "unfinished." I was hoping it would put it on the new list cause i never posted it, but it's down there so take a gander.

Food For Thought.

Please Vote.

In a recent showing of democracy, a vote had to be put in place to amend my 5th rule of Soda Machine Etiquette. As Uncle Bobby brought forth the motion and Mother Of 3 Guys seconded said motion... so in all fairness, put your votes in people....

Proposed Rule #5: For refills: If there is a person who just purchased their meal and has a dry empty cup, fresh off of the stack, then i will generally position myself behind them for a refill. Because you know how pissed off you get when someone who's already enjoyed the pleasures of Mt. Dew Code Red from the fountain gets in front of you while you're trying to get to your Dr. Pepper. I try to avoid that for at least 1 happy customer... also, if said restaurant offers "free refills," patron should always order a "small."

so there it is, i'm gonna place a deadline on voting to January 1st, 11:59am to give everyone plenty opportunity to vote. If you wish to stay anonymous in voting, please send me an email at swenodivad@gmail.com telling me who you are or i will delete any anonymous votes, and said votes will not be counted (this is to insure that people aren't cheating and voting twice).

And please feel free to explain your choice... (see my vote)

Happy Voting!

The Soda Fountain.

I noticed the other day while trying to fill my drink at Burrito Heaven (read: Chipotle) that people get really uncomfortable at the soda fountains in restaurants. Everyone's just trying not to be rude to the next person...

It dawned on me because i am a firm believer that more than 1 person can fill up a drink at the same time. Theres plenty of room for two people to fill up their drinks and be on their way. But there are some rules that i've come up with that can help you get through the soda machine boggle faster, and friendlier.

1.) If your preferred soda is on the end (usually both coke, or both pepsi), then position your body so that it is not directly in front of the entire machine. Sort of like a reach in and push the button from the side of the machine manouver. Once you have taken your position and begun to fill your cup with a tasty beverage, make eye contact with the next person in line, and give them a kind, soft look which says to them "it's ok if you start to fill your ice and/or your soda, i have left this whole other side for you to sneak in and fill your cup." You can even give them the old hand gesture that leads them from them, to the soda machine... you know, the slightly cupped and, long broad stroke of the arm... Just be friendly about it... and there will be no soda mishaps.

2.) If you are on deck to get soda, and notice that the person is filling their cup on the opposite side of the ice/your soda, then go ahead and start your filling... But you must make sure that you give the person in front of you a reassuring smile that you aren't going to pick the soda that's directly next to theirs.

3.) Being the on-deck person can be tricky... especially if the ice is in the center of the machine. i generally give the person a 2 soda buffer zone before i start any filling of ice. If you want to start your soda filling venture early, the current soda go-er must have his body positioned to where you can have access... cause there are some people who think that while they're filling up, they are the boss of the machine and no one should be filling up at the same time as them. In this case, i generally just wait and let them have their fun, all the while i'll probably look back and give the person behind me a look that says, "look at this asshole taking up the whole soda machine" in a very mocking way.

4.) If you take a trip to the soda machine with a buddy, you both should have full access of all of the variations of soda without having to worry about spacing or distance... if "Steve" wants Hi-C punch, and I want root beer, and they are directly next to each other... we can both fill our sodas without having to worry about rudeness or being in the way. This should go for all groups, 2 at a time people.... 2 at a time...

5.) For refills: If there is a person who just purchased their meal and has a dry empty cup, fresh off of the stack, then i will generally position myself behind them for a refill. Because you know how pissed off you get when someone who's already enjoyed the pleasures of Mt. Dew Code Red from the fountain gets in front of you while you're trying to get to your Dr. Pepper. I try to avoid that for at least 1 happy customer.

6.) If the person in front of you is getting your soda... there's nothing you can do, take a number and wait your turn.

7.) And lastly, if your preferred soda is out, just pick your next favorite... cause no one likes the person who sits around waiting for the people to change the syrup for the sodas. Makes you seem needy (which isn't a good look for you).


Follow these rules, and you and I can both be on our way in less amount of time for the same amount of soda.

This is Fantastic.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It's Finally Done.

I have finally removed all the songs from my ipod that i said i would in this post.... just thought i'd let you know. I said i'd take them off August 13th, it's November 5th.... go me.

Food For Thought.

So recently i've been toying with the idea of what i want to do with my life, i.e. career. Both my brother and Jessy have mentioned to me that i would probably make a pretty good secret shopper for some restaurants (*cough* 5 guys *cough*) or something... because i am very picky about the way my food is served to me, how good it tastes, whether said thanks when you tipped them even though i didn't have to tip. I'm pretty picky when it comes to 5 guys, and chipotle, and most of my staples, cause i have a basis of comparison, and i can tell when i've been shafted.

This got me thinking about ACTUALLY becoming a food critic of some sort, which lead me to a discovery of sorts...

They say that as you grow older, your general likes and dislikes of certain foods change. And for the most part, mine have stayed the same. With my exceptions being mexican food, and mexican food. And don't give me this crap about how i don't try things... cause that's just crap. I haven't turned down anything new that i haven't tried in a couple years... just ask Chelsea.... i tried freaking sushi... along with "new" things that i try, i've been trying things that i know i didn't like as a kid, and those still don't taste good to me. I will now list these foods that i can remember:

Raw or Cooked Onions (unless i can't taste them at ALL...).
Beans in Chili.
Tomatoes (I've tried to like these, cause they are highly valued in the Owens households).
Zucchini.
Cream Cheese.

That's just a few... i know there's more but i can't think of any...

Note: this post was written on Nov 3rd, 2006. I wrote everything on this page that day, and had to go do something, and felt like i wasn't finished... i had something else to tlak about, but now i don't remember... so here's a page out of my unfinished blogs category.

Damn This Traffic Jam.

As i was driving to work today, i noticed something about my drive from the LP to the Weg. Since the drive there is on a divided highway, there are 15-20 of these signs during my drive. There's one at every left hand turn. I understand why they are there... but seriously folks... if i'm going along a road, and this sign wasn't there... it wouldn't be the end of the world. Honestly... i didn't even notice the signs until today.

This is definitely the most used sign on the way to work... maybe even of all the regulatory signs in the catalog. And it's probably the least noticed sign of the lot too...

Now i did happen to notice that there is one of these signs that goes to the left... and i don't think i've ever been in a situation where i needed to be to the left of the divider.

Anyways... i'm gonna take a count of the number of these signs the next time i drive out that way and get an official count of how many of these stupid signs there are.

On the subject of dumb signs... there's a sign on Rt. 15 when you exit 66, that says "stay right" but not even a mile down the road, you have to merge left... that's annoying as hell... i have seen no reason for traffic to "stay right" from the time it becomes 2 lanes, to the merge left.... it's upsetting that you make the effort to stay right, but are then surprised by a "merge left" sign...


I'm just sayin.....

Warning: Cheesy Blog Subject.

Now i bet some of you who know me are thinking... this has got to be about cheese. But you would be wrong... cause i had a thought tonight at work and i wanted to share it with you folks.

I have been high many times before.... but i've never done drugs. Not once... but it's not a high like you'd think... one of those "high on life" things you always hear people joke about... there's a couple things in my life that get me this way.

-It really is something special when i am sitting behind a drumset, lost in the middle of a jam with my brothers... i really wish i could describe in words the feeling that comes over me when we settle into a groove on a song like the likka sto jam. Playing regular music is all fine and dandy, but it's the jams that really make music so intoxicating to me.

-Another thing that gets me high is listening to another band get into a jam. The one that sparked the idea for this blog is something that Mike sent me a while ago. It's a live version of Dave Mattews Band's #41. Special guests Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. It's literally 30 minutes long.... and everytime i listen to it, i am smiling from ear to ear. I have the song on mp3 and i have listened to it probably 30 times altogether (with listening on the computer, but mostly out at the golf course watering or mowing greens). Recently i was surfing the YouTube, and i found a video of it... after probably 2 years of listening to only the mp3, and knowing basically every last second of music, THERE'S A VIDEO!!!! Oh My GOD.... the first time i watched it, it was about 2:30 am when i started it, i was tired and ready to go to bed, but came across it... so i had to watch the whole thing.... and let me tell you, i was grooving out soooo hard in my chair watching this video that could be described as one of the BEST songs EVER played live.

You know those friend surveys that you always see floating around emails and stuff.... there's always that question of "if you were on a deserted island and had to listen to 1 song for all of eternity, what would it be?" This would be it for me. So i'm now going to link the video to you people, but i must warn you, that it is in 3 parts... each 10 minutes long... so you need to have 30 minutes ahead of you to get the full experience. I would also like to make a side note that the saxophone solo by Jeff Coffin is probably the best saxophone solo i've ever heard in my life. (he's the guy in the yellow/orange pants). Another side note, the beginning of Part 3 is SICK when carter is playing that fill.... amazing. (worst spot to change from part 2 to part 3 though... i wanted to kill the guy who decided it was a good idea to change right there.)

Ok, now that i've described my favorite 30 minutes of music ever... time to examine some of the runners up.

-Phish, Weekapaug Groove, Madison Square Garden, December 31st, 1995:
As mike said, "this version of this song basically ruined every other version of this song, cause it's so amazing. 17 minutes. It goes through a lotta phases, but all amazing. there's a video of it on phish's site that you can buy, and i highly reccomend it...

-Phish, 2001, Fukuoka, Japan, June 14, 2000:
After they get out of the "chorus" of the song, trey does the sickest sound on the guitar that makes me about drive off the road everytime i hear it.... i can't even begin to imagine how to make that sound.

These are the songs that get me high just about every time i hear them... so if you want them, i'll pass em out, all you gotta do is ask. that's all for now...

We've Got to be Clean.

So i went to JMU this "weekend" to see Guster. The concert was fantastic, as was the company. Jessy met me down/up there (depending on where you come from), and we met up at Chelsea's place. The morning after the show, I went downstairs to take a shower and once i got in the bathroom and saw the shower, i realized something that i had never thought about before... even though i had experienced it many times... i finally realized that everybody hates everyone else's shower.

It's funny... cause whenever i stay somewhere other than one of my 2 (formerly 3) residences, the shower always SUCKED. Even if it's a hotel, it is usually pretty miserable in those showers... I have a list of things why any shower could or couldn't be up to par:

-Lighting: This is make or break for me. I am pretty blind without my glasses, so i want a lot of light in my shower to make up for that. Plus, who wants to shower in a dungeon? I like a lot of light.

-Curtain: This can play a large factor in the lightness of the shower, but more importantly, if the curtain is stubborn and won't cover that little opening between the edge of the curtain and the wall, then you get water all over the floor, and that's no fun.

-Water Control: I swear, some showers just make me feel retarded. I couldn't turn on Chelsea's from doing that whole "leaning in and turning on the water so i don't burn/freeze myself" manouver. So i had to derobe and mess with this control hoping i wouldn't burn myself by turning on only the hot water. Some showers have a little ball thingy that controls the water... some you have to pull out towards you to turn on the water, and the twist determines temperature. Sometimes you have to push the ball vertically to turn on the water, and pushing from side to side changes temp. Sometimes you just turn it counterclockwise and that's your on/off AND temperature (this is a popular one). The one in manassas has a brilliant mechanism for water control... there's a lever for turning the water on and off, and a separate lever for temperature, so that if you're the only one who showers in there, you can leave the temperature the same for every shower you take... (and its funny cause during the summer, it's usually just below the 50% mark, and during the winter, i usually have it just below full-on hot.)

-Bathtub/Shower Part 1: I am all encompasingly ok with bathtub/showers, but it does bring up a level of insecurity when turning on the water (once you figure out how to). When you turn on the water, is it going to come out of the showerhead, or the bathtub water faucet? Cause most showertubs have the automatic switch to the bath filler once you cut out the water to the showerhead. But i have come across some showers that it just stays on shower all the time. Most showertubs have that little thing you pull on the top of the faucet to turn it from bathtub to shower, but not all... and when people find a shower that doesn't have that, they usually can't find it... i.e. the shower in manassas. There is no lever... you actually pull down right where the water comes out of tub filler... kinda confusing if you don't know about it. I remember the shower in Cesaer's Palace in Vegas... i actually had to ask my mom how to turn it from bath into shower... and i really tried just about everything to get it to work. I usually pride myself in being able to figure out how things work if i look at it/play with it enough, but this shower got the best of me.

-Showertub Part 2: I could easily call this category "Drainage" but i only seem to have problems with drainage with showertubs. Figuring out whether the tub will drain or not becomes a confusing thing too.. cause i remember at mawmaw's house, the showertub upstairs has a little lever thingy to change from drain to plug... and it was always impossible to get it to work. There's also the ones where you push down and forward to "lock" it into place if you need to fill the tub (collegiate suites). There's also the twisty/lifty. This one seems to be the most popular type of water-stopper nowadays.

-Stream: This one is probably has the widest range of opinions as to how people like their showers. I grew up in a basically low-flow shower, but had a lotta water to compensate for the lack of power. So when i come across a shower that could double as a fire hose, i'm not going to have fun... that stuff freaking stings... this is a shitty shower to get with the "twist for on/off and temp" water control cause if you want less stream, you have to make the shower colder... and that's never a good thing. And there's always those showerheads with the multiple settings... "massage settings".... otherwise known as a female's best friend (if you know what i mean). Does anyone ever use anything other than the straight stream for when they shower? cause i've tried the other settings, and they all seem annoying to me. While we're on the topic of showerheads... how about these showerheads that you can take off the stand and move around. I had one of those, and i only ever took it down when i cleaned the shower (which it was very very helpful for) but for showering purposes, i never had to take it down off the stand...

-Temperature Control: And by this i mean sensitivity to making the water hot or cold... if you sneeze and it gets hotter or colder in the shower, that's too sensitive... if you twist it 4 times around, and nothing happens, then it's not sensitive enough... It's gotta be sensitive enough to change when i move it, but not super-sensitive where i can't hit my temperature mark.

-Cleanliness: this one only goes for the showers in college apartments whose place i stay at. I've seen some really really nasty showers where i felt like i was going to leave the shower dirtier than when i entered... and funny enough, it was usually an apartment with all guys... can't be a coincidence. (For your information, i had my own shower and i think i kept it fairly clean.... well clean enough for me, but i ALWAYS cleaned it before company came, so anyone who showered in there was in there in a freshly cleaned shower).

-Bathroom Rugs: I need good floor coverage in bathrooms with showers... I can't be stepping on cold or wet tiles. This is just a comfort thing. The more carpet coverage in the bathroom, the happier i am when i get in/out of the shower.

-Towel Situation: I know that at the LP, i am using the highest quality towels, cause Tom is a towel Nazi. I remember him buying 3 towels of his own so he could have his special towels when we still lived in manassas. And these towels ruled... think beach towel size, but bath towel softness/absorption. And i know how it is about giving friends towels for your shower... cause i know i gave some people my least favorite towels so i didn't have to use them that wash cycle(yeah i know, i'm a dick... leave me alone, but you do it too so shut it).


Ok now that we've gone through the list, i'd like to point out some of the things that i do that make my shower experience enjoyable to me... even though some of them might seem a little wierd to you folks, but i don't care... it's my shower experience.
-Big soft towel: I pointed this out in the "Towel Situation," you should have seen this one coming.
-CD player/mp3 player: YES. i love setting up my ipod so that it's outside the door (to avoid steam damage) but have the speakers in there, so i can sing along to whatever kind of playlist i feel like. Maroon 5 is good shower music for me, cause it's a little high for my range, but you can attempt notes in the shower that you don't normally, cause let's face it folks... there aren't 40 people in your bathroom while you're showering (unless you're on a football team, or in prison). But music is great when you can take your time and relax in the shower... otherwise, its a lot of work getting it all set up.
-No Fan: Some people like showering with the fan on to keep the mirrors from fogging up... i say screw that... if you keep the fan off, it becomes like a sauna in there... which makes easier to get out cause it's not gonna be cold when you get out. i hate those showers where the fan turns on when you turn on the fan... it's annoying.
-Mirror: I like having one of those small mirrors inside the shower so i can shave mid shower... It's just a whole lot easier to shave mid-shower, as opposed to out in the sink. Plus, when my hair gets longer, i can make a mohawk with some shampoo... that's always fun.
-Towel Rack: I need a towel rack directly outside my shower (preferably on the opposite side of the water stream) so i can wipe my face off after i wash my hair, or anytime i feel like i have too much water on my face... anyone who has known me for very long knows that one of my BIGGEST pet peaves is getting water spashed in my face* (whether i'm already wet or not does NOT matter... anytime i have extra drops of water on my face bugs the shit outta me.) So i usually wipe my face off 3-4 times per shower cause i can't stand water on my face.

Well folks that's it... that's my theory on showers. I would also like to point out that even though i mentioned Chelsea's shower in the beginning of this post, i had a pleasurable shower experience in her shower. In fact, that's what sparked my thought. Cause i was expecting it to be a bad experience (it doesn't look like a very appetizing shower), but it came through and i was happy with its performance. Even though it scored poorly in the lighting, water control, and curtain categories, the stream on it was so nice, that it made up for those things... which goes to show how a good stream of water can make or break your shower.





*Another reason i hate having water splashed on my face is that i have to clean my glasses off whenever there's a drop on there... and that can get annoying.

Songs I Am Keeping on My Ipod but I'm Still Embarrassed About Having on There.

If you read my post about the songs that needs to come off my ipod, you already know what's coming. For those that didn't read that post... SCROLL DOWN YOU LAZY BASTARDS!

Anyway... I must first point out that even though my last post was about how i was going to delete things off my ipod, i have yet to do that. Oh i've added songs... but i didn't go through and delete those horrid songs. In fact, a couple of them have come up on random and i'm like "damnit... i need to get those offa here."

So now, here's the list of songs that i like, but would be embarrassed if they came on in a car full of people. And i do want to point out that i am being completely honest here so give me a little slack on some of them... i'd like to see you fess up to some of the songs YOU secretly like. Cowards.

The Bee Gees - Jive Talkin, Night Fever, You Should be Dancing, Stayin Alive, How Deep is Your Love, More than a Woman.
A lot of these songs come on at the Weggs, and i secretly grove out to them trying not to get caught by my boss, who would make a lot of fun of me. (By the way, Chris, if you're reading this, i hate you already.) But i do have a solid reason not to be embarrassed about this song, and it comes in the form of a quote. "I mean Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes everybody liked. They left that to the Bee Gees."

Blackhawk - Goodbye Says It All.
This one USED to be embarrassing, but not so much anymore... if you don't know the band, just imagine mid 90s country band with a guy trying to be super cool on the keyboards. The harmony is awesome on this song, and it's really fun to play/sing with the band. This time period was probably the beginning of the end of good country music in my book.

Aretha Franklin - Think.
This is only on the ipod cause it's on the blues brothers soundtrack, but i do enjoy a large black woman givin some attitude to a man... MMMMMMHUMMMMMM.

Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry, Be Happy.
This song was played so much, it's legs fell off... and the scary part about it is that it didn't have legs to begin with! But i do love this song... great melody... and it's only him... no instruments or anything!

Cardigans - Love Fool.
This song has some of the coolest chords in the world. Cool groove. The video was a little weird. But i do like this song. Only problem is that the mp3 i have has a funny effect on it so it sounds like it goes in and out of fuzzyness/clearness. does that make sense?

Chuck Mangione - Feels So Good.
Only reason this song is embarrassing is that the dude's name is Chuck Mangione... looks too much like Mangina. Fantastic Jazz piece though, you can whistle along to the tune very easily... and if you don't know how to whistle, just play around with it in the shower, only takes about a week.

Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm.
At least that's what the mp3 i downloaded freshman year is labeled. People either really liked this song, or really hated it... i still like it. And it still brings images of tonya harding to my mind whenever it comes on... thank you Weird Al.

Daniel Beddingfield - If You're Not the One.
Out of all the songs i list today, this is probably the most embarrassing... It's the closest to a boy band song as one can get without actually having a boy band. In fact, this song is so out of my normal listening habits that i almost feel gay when i listen to it. (not that there's anything wrong with that). But i'm not, backer down there people. This song has one of the coolest chorus melodies around.

Dee Lite - Groove is in the Heart.
How can people not like this song... SO good. but once again, i get mixed reviews from numerous people. It's such a fun song though.

Dirty Vegas - Days Go By.
This song origionally started out as a techno song with a BADASS video. I started liking this song purely for the dancer in the video. But i have an acoustic version of the song on my ipod which is surprisingly good for a song that started as techno. Who'da thunk it?

Fastball - The Way.
One Hit Wonder. This song was played so much during the summer it came out, i was sick of it. But i DL'ed it back Freshman year and it's been in the playlist since. Great song for summer. Windows down, driving anywhere.

Hootie and the Blowfish - Most of the stuff on Cracked Rear View.
I don't understand the ups and downs of these guys career... people just started hating them... i don't get it. Their music stayed the same, it was all cool music... but for some reason, the public went all Vanilla Ice on their asses. Shame too...

Idigo Girls - Various songs.
No i'm not a lesbian. But i do like women... so i'm like half lesbian. i guess. But there was a time that i listened to a lot of indigo girls with my friend Nora... who just happens to be gay... but that's beside the point... either way, they have some great songs and great harmonies, and there's a lotta good stuff on their albums.

Jewel - Standing Still, and a couple others.
I only have Standing Still on the ipod, i don't have the others. But i played Standing Still with the teacher band for OHS Talent Show a couple years ago and it's a cool song... Anything that Byers sings RULES!

John Mayer - Every Studio Album.
This one isn't quite as embarrassing, but still some people look at me weird when i say i bought John Mayer's new album. almost like they take a second look at me and think, "Boy i didn't think Jeff was an 8th grade female." But that's alright, he's got some killer studio albums.

Kris Kross - Jump.
Ok this one isn't embarrassing, but i had to list it in here cause it's awesome. The Mac Daddy will make ya.... The daddy mac will make ya... Kris Kross will make ya!

La Tour - People are Still Having Sex.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
This song rules. If you described this song to me before i ever heard it, i would not believe that it's a real song. Thank you Tom for introducing me to this masterpiece of song. It really is brilliant. I can't not smile when i hear this song. A must-listen-to-er.

Michelle Branch - Goodbye to You.
Just a cool chick singing and playing a guitar... she's got a simplicity that is cool.

No Doubt - Don't Speak, Hella Good, and Underneath it All.
Don't Speak has one of the coolest guitar solos. Hella good is a good dance song, i tend to change it about halfway through everytime. And underneath it all is probably my favorite... i love the groove and theres some potential for so great 3 part harmonies all over the place.

Rain, the Park, and Other Things - Flowers in Her Hair.
It's in the scene in Dumb and Dumber where he's fantasizing about how Mary will react when he gets to Aspen. How can you not like this song?

Sade - Smooth Operator.
This song is very chill. yay!

Soul Decision - Faded.
YES. Another one you might hear in a dance club, but it totally rules. Julia threw this song on the ipod with steve and myself in the car on the way to West Virginia, and it was probably the best 3 and a half minutes of music i've ever heard in a car. Think cheesy road trip movie... and multiply it by like 6... I mean we had seperate parts in the song... all 3 of us knew all the words (cept the rap part, but i suck at learning rap words... well.. i suck at learning ALL words... but it's ok.) Now i will always think of those 2 when the song comes on. That was a great trip.

Sytlistics - La La (Means I Love You).
The first time i heard this song was on the movie "Family Man." I liked it on there, so i figured i'd listen to the whole song. Plus Dad likes it so it wasn't hard to get ahold of.

Super Mario Brothers - Theme.
Yes, i am that much of a nerd. i have the origional SMB song on my ipod... and i've cruised down the road with windows down, level 1 blaring for all to hear.

Adam Sandler - Grow Old With You.
From Wedding Singer... yes, i have it on my ipod. i'm not lying. actually i have the whole album... but this is a good song. I need to get the song from 50 first dates "forgetful lucy." That's a good song too.

Will Smith - Just Cruisin'.
This song is off the MIB soundtrack.. and was the second release from that album, after (you guessed it) Men in Black.



Alright, that's all i have for now. It's 2:10 and i'm tired. Hope you enjoyed.

Refrigerator-Ate-Her.

So this weekend i went to the rent's house for a jam sunday night. In the basement of my parent's house, we have about 7 mini-fridges. Ok so maybe not 7, more like 3. Two of them weren't even plugged in. So i took it upon myself to make my little bachelor pad of an upstairs at the LP a little more lazy rewarding. Now one of those 3 refrigerators is now in the 3rd floor of the LP waiting to be filled with 6 packs of be.....soda.

Now all i need is someone to bring me stuff from my fridge to my computer, and i'll be set.

I Need Some Fucking Ketchup.

As dane cook has stated in one of his comedy routines... when you need ketchup, there is nothing that can stop you at this goal. Your friend could be contemplating suicide and you'd interrupt them to get some ketchup for your hot tasty french fries. But enough on how awesome ketchup is... it's time to divulge into the dark side of this tomato-based product.

The bane of my existance is what one would call the "ketchup packet." You all have seen them, we've all used them, we all hate them.

First of all, this tiny metal packet is filled with about thimble's worth of ketchup. Who the hell uses 1 packet of ketchup for their entire meal? Have you ever seen ANYONE use just 1 packet? No. You haven't. Cause it doesn't happen... Some of you are thinking "but what if i don't like ketchup?" Shutup, i'm not talking to the weird people who prefer to put mustard on their food instead of ketchup... go read mustard users magazine, cause no one cares... anyways, if you're only using 1 packet of ketchup, there's a strong chance that it's the last ketchup packet in the joint.

Secondly, it's so much work having to open every single packet just to get a small amount out... all these places that still have packets need to get those ketchup pumps. So the ketchup fiends like myself and Steiner can get our fix.

There are also some people in this world who don't open a ketchup packet properly... you know who you are you lazy mofos. You're the people who just make 1 rip down the center of the packet, and just leave half of the ketchup still in the packet when you dispose of it... shameful. The correct way to do it is to tear off a corner, that way your fingers can stay ketchup free and you can squeeze out all the ketchup outta the packet.

As if all of this wasn't enough, there's also 1 more thing that can sneak up on you and ruin your dining experience....

That gunk that is almost ALWAYS on some of the packets in the collection of packets.... what the hell is this crap... it looks like freaking honey. It's sticky as hell and is just repulsive when you get some on your hands. Is it glue from the manufacturing of the packets? is it actually honey? is it dried ketchup? who the hell knows.... but what i DO know is that it's disgusting. and it's almost on your hands when you grab from a ketchup bin.




And yes, i know the packet in the picture isn't in english... leave me alone, it was the first one i found on google.

Another Song That's Getting the Axe.

I came across Bryan Adam's "Everything I Do, I Do it for You" today. it's getting the axe too... that's all for now... bye bye.

Top 10 Worst Beer Pong Rules Ever.

And by 10, i mean, i'm just going to list some rules that piss me off. if it happens to be 10, then it's by accident. it might be more, it might be less. Be happy if there's 10.

But the reason that i'm even writing this is because something has been lost in the past few years. It all started when myself and the boys went to JMU for our high school college day (where you were allowed to skip school if you were going to a college and went on a college tour). This was the first time i ever played beer pong (sorry Mom and Dad, but you knew it was going to happen... you're not dumb). Anyways, this was a great evening where a much simple-er game was played. Nowadays, people have stupid ass crazy rules for the game and ruin the point of the game.

Now for all yous in college, skip this paragraph, cause i'm gonna go over the basics for the elder generation so they know what's going on with these moronic rules. So the game goes like this, 2 teams of 2 (that's 4 people folks), both on opposite ends of a long table (or kitchen pantry door). 6 Solo cups arranged in a triangle are placed on each side of the table. These cups are then filled with a pre-determined amount of beer.... usually "the first line" or about an inch's worth of beer. Then, the 2 members of each team try to throw a ping pong ball into the opposing team's cups. The opposing team has to drink the beer in the cup that your ball lands in(which is in turn removed from the playing surface). If both players on a team make a cup, then they get to take another 2 shots. Whoever makes all 6 cups first wins, and generally, the cups that your opponents didn't make, they have to consume (in addition to the 6 cups you made).

I like to think of beer pong as being more of a fun skill game to play while drinking, where most other people do it just to get really drunk, really quick... so they come up with retarded rules to make it more about being an alcoholic, than a talented ping pong ball thrower. So all those who use beer pong as an excuse to massively chug beers, go get a beer bong and stop reading, cause you're probably not going to be happy with some of my least favorite rules. The game should be more about enjoying the game and less about getting sloshed.... anyone can get sloshed... it takes skill and practice to actually be good at beer pong. So here goes:

-You must finish all of your beer before you are allowed to shoot.
This is for frat boys, and people who like vomiting. I'll finish my beer, at my own pace, but i ALWAYS finish whatever i win/lose. Most males in college like this rule cause they're all pussies and if they didn't have to chug their beer to get their shot, they'd probably never finish all their beer. And once again, this is more about enjoying the game than getting drunk.

-Bitches blow.
This was a fairly new rule to me when i moved into my apartment sophomore year... This is a rule that if your shot is "rimming out" or "toilet bowling" then a female is allowed to blow the ball out of the cup before it hits the beer. This is a faulty rule for a couple of reasons. #1 girls should NOT get any extra help for playing, they need to learn how to play like the rest of us. #2 I have successfully blown a ping pong ball out of a cup when it was just sitting on the beer. there's no way to tell if the ball hit the beer or not, so it's basically going on trust, cause the team that shot the ball can't see down into the cup. I've gotten into many-a-arguments over this rule, people trying to cheat, thinking that people are cheating, whatever... it's a dumb rule and girls need to learn how to play without cheating.

-There's not a name for it, but it's the male counterpart to bitches blow.
I've only seen this once, and i'm sorry to say that it was at my almost roomate's place. The rule is that if the ball is still spinning around the cup, you are allowed to reach in a try to knock it out before it hits the beer. This is just asking for beer all over the place. If the ball goes in the cup, and ends up at the bottom of the cup, who cares how long it takes for it to actually get to the beer.... just let it go and drink the beer in it... and quit trying to get around the other team making cups.

-If you make 2 balls in the same cup, it's game over, you win... no ifs ands or buts.
FUCK THIS RULE. It rewards people for shooting fast and not actually trying. If your partner shoots and makes it in a cup, and you happen to make your shot in the same cup, it means you shot too fast and didn't give the other team a chance to remove the cup from the playing field. Instead of trying to shoot right after your partner so the other team doesn't have time to pick up a made cup, you should actually learn how to play, and make 6 cups to win... it's not that hard, quit trying to make shortcuts out of the game. Now this rule is very similar to the "if you make it in an opposing player's drinking cup, then you win." I'm ok with this rule with some stipulations. #1 If there is someone playing who is drinking out of something other than a solo cup, then that will make it an unfair advantage to one of the teams (big cup = unfair advantage for opponent). #2 All players are using 1 cup to pour their beer into after the other team makes each shot. If you're drinking from 7 cups, then you can't really single out the person's "drinking cup."

-Various racks other than the diamond, triangle, or OO.
Generally you get 1 re-rack upon request... sometimes forced reracks... i like both of these rules. I will now go over acceptable and unacceptable rerackings.
Acceptable Racks:





Both of these are cheating, cause it produces a vertical straight line (which is slightly easier to make). If you have 3 cups, it needs to be the triangle...

-When both players make their shots, You only get 1 ball returned.
Rollbacks are a such a great thing, why ruin it by only giving back 1 and not giving the chance for double rollbacks? a team that can consistantly get rollbacks is a team that's gonna win a lot.

-Bouncing.
I can go either way with this. Sometimes i like bouncing, sometimes i don't. But what i don't like, is when a person shoots, it hits off the cup, bounces off a wall or something and THEN goes into the cup and people counting it as 2 (if you bounce the ball in it's like you made 2 cups, but the other team can swat it away). If you purposely try to bounce it in to get 2 cups, then you should be rewarded for that. but if you miss a normal shot and it happens to bounce and go in, it shouldn't even count.

-Not so much of a rule, just a way of playing.
I came across 2 people from ODU who liked to shoot their first shot (most times a bounce) right as i was releasing the ball. What a cheap way to play, avoiding the defense cause i was still shooting instead of looking for the bounce. On my 3rd time, i pretended to shoot and the guy shot his shot, so i made him drink 2 for shooting before me... prick.

-Another not-rule.
Anyone who complains about the house rules should be banned off the table.... cause its annoying. Granted, I have complained about the "make to balls in the same cup and it's game over rule" at many-a places, but i refused to play beer pong at these places ever again.


That's all i can handle right now, i might throw some more in the comments later... and if you have any that you hate, throw them up there.

It Makes You Want to Punch a Baby.

I HATE it when people are standing in front of the yogurt (just an example), deciding on what to buy, and after looking at the nutrition facts of whatever they're looking at, put it back in the wrong spot.

That being said, there's a right way to put things back in the wrong spot, and there's a wrong way. I will describe what i'm ok with and what pisses me off below.

Reasons why i get so mad at people who put things back in the wrong spot:
- if i'm standing right next to you filling something on the shelves and i can see you, it's probably a bad time to put whatever you're looking at in the wrong spot. To me it says "Fuck you, i don't care if you have to fix what i'm doing, even though i am STANDING WHERE THE ITEM GOES CAUSE I JUST PICKED IT UP."
-If you are still in the same 4 foot strech of supermarket when you decide that something you picked up off the shelf is not what you want to buy, put it back where you found it. It almost takes more effort to put it back in the wrong spot.
-There is NO POSSIBLE WAY to put something back in the wrong spot on accident. Because you picked it up, you had to be standing there...

The only time it's ok to put stuff back in the wrong spot is if you are nowhere close to the section you got it.... For example, if i'm walking around walmart, and i decide i want to buy Air Bud on DVD an pick it up, then later decide that it's probably a bad idea and i can catch it on HBO later tonight, and i'm in the Panteen Pro V section, i'm ok with making Air Bud a health and beauty item. This is because i'd have to walk all the way back to the electronics area. When i see some bacon or something in my section, i'm ok with that, cause it's a long walk just to take back some bacon.

That's it for now.

Songs I Need to Take Off My Ipod.

As i was driving to Tech this "weekend" (i have off monday and tuesday), i had my ipod on random like a usually do, and came across a record number of songs that i would really be embarrassed if they came on in public. So here goes... all the songs i'm taking off my ipod once i get back to the LP.

Christina Aguilera - Come on Over.
Yes... this is actually on my ipod. At one point in my life i thought this was a cool dance song... hello 6 years ago. goodbye this song.

Baha Men - Who let the dogs out?
I can't help but laugh at myself for actually downloading this song, let alone have it on the ipod. But i must say, everytime it's come on, i laugh for the first "who let the dog's out... woof woof woof" and by the last woof, it's changed...

New Kids on the Block - Step by Step, Hangin Tough, and the Right Stuff.
The trifecta of NKotB. also a good one to have a laugh at for the first 3 seconds of each song... only with these songs, after i laugh, i cry, cause it's sad that I still have them on there.

Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up.
Sorry Dad, i know you love this song, but i can't handle listening to this whole song.

The Hampster Dance.
You guys remember that webpage that had this cute hamster dancing on it to a techno song called the hampster dance? well i do. I have it on my ipod. probably one of the most annoying songs ever made. still funny though.

Lifehouse - Hanging by a Moment.
I used to like this song. a while ago. but now it's just annoying. and it reminds me of Nickelback. and nickelback makes me want to stab things. so it's getting the axe.

Nine Days - Absolutely (the story of a girl).
"who cried a river and drowned the whole world." that's not depressing at all. not in the least bit..... This song was so overplayed, that i'm surprised it made it onto the ipod in the first place... Although, out of all of these songs, this is the one that i'll probably still keep (even though its on this list). It's probably the least hated song on this list.

Every Queen song minus the good ones.
The good ones being Bohemian Rhapsody, We will rock you, We are the champions, and under pressure (which i don't really like, but you gotta have it on there cause it's what Vanilla Ice ripped off.)

That's it.

Coming soon... Songs I Am Keeping on My Ipod but I'm Still Embarrassed About Having on There.

Holy Hell.

I just hung up the phone with the worst telemarketer i've ever talked to. This is how the conversation went.

Retarded Lady: Hi my name is _______, is the ...(pause, i hear typing in the background)....
Me: No Thanks. Have a nice day.
RL: This is Verizon and this is very important information.
Me: Ok, go on (Since verizon was over here yesterday to install stuff i figured i'd give her another shot just in case this actually was important.)
RL: We are conducting a survey on television usage for......(another pause, i can still hear typing in the background.)
Me: I don't want to take a survey.
RL: Sir, your information will be confidential, we will.... (pause)....
Me: I'm busy. I gotta go. *click*

Now i could've really laid into this woman for not knowing how to talk, but i find that writing a blog entry while i'm still steaming from her not learning how to talk would be a better output than yelling at this lady.

I wish i had it recorded.

The Best and Worst Parties of All Time.

After this awesome weekend, i thought i've realized that the last 2 parties i've been to happened to be the worst, and then the best parties i've ever been to. I'll start off with the best.

I'm gonna go ahead and say that the best party i've been to is any one that is called OBB. Shocker right? Anyways... it's a full day of drinking, music and drinking. How can you beat that? With flipcup, and horseshoes too, it makes no room for other parties to compare. For all those who are OBB virgins, i really feel sorry for you guys, cause you don't know what you're missing. NOTHING is more important than OBB. and with Cinco De OBB coming up next year... i hope to see you all there, cause i'll be there.... having the best time of the whole year.... every year.

Ok, now that i've said that, time to talk about the worst party i've ever been to. (And if you happen to read this Hanson, i'm sorry, but seriously... you guys need to work on your party throwing skills.)

Anyways, i went to GMU to hang out with my friend Nick Hanson for a random party he told me about, so i was excited. The trip started out kinda shitty, cause mapquest directions basically just stop. (it's in a court, but the court isn't actually in mapquest, so the directions just stop at the entrance of the court.) But i eventually found it, parked my car where it was going to stay all night, and into the morning, since i had planned on spending the night there. Once i got there, things were great... met up with some old OHS people i hadn't seen in years. played some beer pong, kicked some ass, and lost the next game, and went about my way. by this time, i'm about 3-4 beers into the night, when one of my underage friends arrives(whose name is being withheld to protect the guilty. hahaha). once he shows up, we go get a beer, and as we walk up to the keg, one of nick's friends says to me "seven dollars please."

7 freaking dollars for this party. This is unacceptable. i don't care if you're serving Crystal... if it's a college party, $3 is the most you ask for, if you ask at all. but seven dollars, give me a freaking break.

So i walk over to nick in his room and ask him wtf is up with 7 dollars, and he looks at me like "what's wrong with that?" and says "how about 5?"

I didn't want to argue, so i just threw down $10 for myself and my friend... we'll call him Jim so i don't have to keep saying "underage friend."

So Jim goes over to get his beer, and comes back with X's on his hand. They asked him if he was over 21, and when he said no, they x'ed him, then proceeded to give him some beer.
From a college party standpoint, this should never happen. I understand that they're just trying to protect themselves from trouble, but if you're gonna try to protect yourself, don't let him drink. that's simple enough... don't give him the X mark of death. if he wanted x's on his hands, we would've gone to a bar.

By the time all of this had happened, i had drunk enough to where i couldn't drive home, so i was stuck. So Jim and i just hung out by ourselves, trying not to draw attention from the large amount of douches that were attending said party.

As the night was dying down, Jim and I sat down on the couches to "claim" them for the night ahead, when this random kid comes up to me and starts talking shit to me for NO REASON.

Retarded Kid: Did you just look at me? FUCK YOU.
Me: What?
RK: You want to fight me?
Me: Are you joking?
RK: You're a pussy, come say shit to my face.
Me (to Jim): Is this really happening?
Jim: I think so.

RK walked away without saying anything else...I thought he was joking. like seriously, i thought he was trying to be funny.

About 5 minutes later he walked past Jim and myself....

Me: What's up man, you feeling better?
RK: Did you say something to me? (walks over next to my face like a big man who wants to fight)
Me: Dude, i was kidding relax.
RK: Fuck you say something else.
Me:
RK: That's right, i'm a big tough guy who likes men.

Ok so that last line i kinda made up. but it's probably true. As RK walked away, Jim said to me
"if that kid did anything to you, i so had your back, cause he's retarded."

That made me feel better.... but not about the party. it sucked.

I spent the next 8-10 hours trying to sleep through people talking. 1 conversation happened to be at around 4:37 am about something stupid where i turned around and said "SHUT THE HELL UP IT'S 4:37.... GO TO BED" which did the trick.

That's my story.

Girls are Evil.

I can do a lot of complicated things. I can play drums. I can play guitar. I can spin a basketball on my finger. I can juggle. I can throw a ping pong ball into a beer filled up across the room.

But for the love of god, i can not figure out girls.

I thought i was doing good there for a while, but once again, i'm completely lost. It's like they're bred to send mixed signals. So my question for you, is what is the real signal, and what is the fake signal. cause it usually turns out that i go for the fake at a 90% rate. it's an accurate number. i swear.

So what i'm trying to say is... make up your damn minds and help a brother out, let me know what the story is cause it could be painted on the wall and i wouldn't be able to figure it out.

Probably the Best One I've Seen.

So a customer comes up to me at WeggyWorld the other day and asks me a really dumb question...you can see the layout of the scene with my lovely hand drawn drawing.

He then proceeds to ask me "Where is the velveeta?"

This question comes up a lot at Wegman's, and i'm used to answering it, so i think nothing of it and begin to point to where the velveeta is.

This is when it happened... He interrupts my hand motion and speech to continue with his question.... "I come in here all the time and the velveeta is usually on this little rack." He then proceeds to point to the little rack that the velveeta is ACTUALLY STORED ON.

Now i could approach this answer (like most) in two ways....

Answer #1
Me: Well sir, the velveeta actually is stored on that little rack, check the bottom shelf of it, you might find some there.
Customer: Oh, i see it now, thanks.

Answer #2:
Me: You are retarded.
Customer: I know.

Seeing as how i like not being fired, i chose answer #1.

I had to restrain myself from laughing though... cause i thought it was quite hilarious.

OBB

If i have metioned to you about coming to the obb and did not get an invite, please contact me about it..... Mom wants a headcount via email...

If you don't have an email.....

LIVE IN THE NOW, YOU'LL NEVER AFFORD IT!


sorry, wayne's world moment...



New "real" post coming soon... lotta ideas to write about now.

More On Sean.

After a full night to reflect on this situation, i decided that writing that blog was very theraputic. so i'm going to go ahead and write about the "let me drive your car home drunk" incident that i noted in the previous blog. But this was about a month ago... or so.... but i will try to recap things as accurate as possible.

So that weekend was the weekend that Steve was coming down to hang out/party. and i was excited about it. So we decided to go downtown with jon and throw some darts... cause darts is a fun and entertaining game while drinking at a bar. So steve and i call Jon and ask him to partake with us, and he agrees. But sean is home... and any chance to drink WITH people he jumps at the chance. So steve and i drive over to pick jon and sean up in my car. On the ride over there i warn steve about sean by saying something like, "Now sean can be cool, but he can also be a large asshole, please, for the love of god, do not fight him under any circumstance." and steve is baffled by this but he promises and we go and pick them up. So we go park and walk to the bar. We get there and play darts for a good 3-4 hours, all the while drinking and having a great time. Sean was awesome, being cool, hanging out playing darts. It was an awesome night.

So once last call comes, we start walking back to my car. so once we get close to the car, i say "we should get McDonald's" to buy me some more time getting a ride. so sean and jon go into mcy d's to get some food while steve and i wait outside. All the while i'm calling cab companies around the blacksburg area for a ride cause i know that none of us are decent enough to drive. No avail... i get answering machines. so i apologize to steve and ask him if he's cool walking home. he's more than happy with that, cause let's face it, we're drunk.... it's not going to hurt as much as a sober walk. after which steve begins to tell me that my assesment of sean is all wrong, because he was being cool all night and showed no sign of douchebaggery. that's when sean and jon come out of the mcy d's with yummy delicious goodies. I regretfully inform them that none of the cab companies or friends of mine are answering their phones for a ride home. Which means we're gonna have to walk. this is the point in the story where sean doesn't get his way and flips out.

Sean: I can drive, give me the keys and let's go home.
Jeff: Dude, we've been drinking in a bar for 4 hours, no one is good enough to drive.
Sean: I'm good, let me drive.
Jeff: No, you're not driving my car drunk. i've called all the cab companies in the area and can't get an answer, we're gonna have to walk.
Sean: Fuck you give me your keys or i'll beat your ass.
(this does not make steve happy)
Jeff: I'm sorry for stranding you downtown, but it's not that bad of a walk, steve and i are walking home.
Sean: If you leave me here, i'm never going downtown with you again.
Jeff: steve and i are walking home... bye.

Steve and i start walking and he starts yelling "i'm going to kick your ass" and so i'm holding steve back and walking away from sean cause i want nothing to do with a drunken fight at mcy d's. and steve remembered his promise and walked away with me.

For the next 10 minutes steve and i are walking at a feverish pace cause our adrenaline was running and we were just talking about how much of an ass sean was.

Steve: I now see what you mean about sean. I'm sorry i didn't see it before.
Jeff: i tried to warn you.

So after 10 minutes of sean bashing, we hear loud footsteps behind us and turn to find Jon running to catch up with us. No Sean. Jon proceeds to tell us how pissed off sean was and that he was calling his friends to come pick him up and how he didn't want to wait around with him. Jon ran at least a half a mile to catch up with us. So we walk the rest of the way home. once i get home sean ims me with "If you ever leave me stranded downtown again, i'll kill you." I do not respond to this. After that sean puts a jeff bashing away message on his screen name and does whatever he does at his apartment.

This was the final shebang for me and sean. i could handle being around him in the past cause most of the time he was fine. But after this incident, i never wanted to be around him again. cause up until that point, he had gotten in a fight at my 21st birthday party, which i forgave him for in my mind cause he was drunk, and sometimes those things happen. but had i known this was going to be a pattern, i would've cut it off immediately.

So after the car incident, i never wanted to be around him, and from reports from jon, he could not understand why i don't ever hang around anymore. even after jon repeats to him "because you tried to fight him to drive his car home drunk."

And that's pretty much everything about sean that you need to know. I don't ever intend on seeing him again, and i hope to god i don't. Cause people who try to start fights have no place in my life. Anyone who knows me and my stance on fights, i say "Fuck Fights."

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

What A Night.

So the night started out great. Wesley came over and we had dinner at the BK Lounge and watched a little bit of a movie. She then decided that since she had been up since 6 this morning that she'd run home and get some sleep. I was fine with that. So i take her to her car (which was parked at jon's apartment cause Collegiate Suites visitor parking was full). And since i'm right next to jon's i figured i'd go in and see what he and Larissa were up to. They were watching Goodfellas. So i decided to join them.

Once the movie was over, i tried to play jon's Xbox360... Call to Duty 2 is hard. i'm no good at it. So i quit and as i'm handing up the controller, jon's roomate sean calls him and tells him that he's on the way home from the bar. This is my que to leave. Most of you know i'm not a big sean fan. Never really have been. And since he had been drinking, i figure it's better for me to just avoid him like the plague... like i've been doing since the "let me drive your car home drunk" incident. If you want to hear about said incident, just ask me, it's a lot easier just to tell you. I comment on some of my other qualms with him in my boston trip entry. (its in the sunday paragraph).

Anyways, i make it home, and about 5 minutes later, i get an im from Sean.... which quickly turns into a "come say that to my face and i'll kick your ass" thing, cause that's what he does. Now i admit that some of the things i said were purposely said to get under his skin, because if he is gonna instigate something with me, and and get under my skin, i should have the same right.... right? Well having cooled down and thought about it for a bit, i realize that i was acting childish in participating in this conversation at all... cause all it's doing is pissing me off, and obviously pissing him off... and once i got pissed, i just started saying things that i shouldn't have... Now you're thinking i said some messed up shit just to piss him off. That's not what i'm refering to... anything i said is the truth in how i see him. the things i shouldn't have said involve jon... and get jon into trouble with sean. and because he has to live with him, all of sean's anger gets spilled onto jon's plate.... not mine. So i feel really bad about doing that, but it really pissed sean off so i guess it's bittersweet.

So before you read this conversation, it's important to note that this is the full extent of the conversation. i didn't cut off anything from the beginning of the conversation. He started with "Sean: the fact that you're scared of me is hilarious"

Convo (screen name changed to protect his aim identity).

After spending about 2 hours to write this, i also wanted to remind you that this is the same sean that got in a fight at my 21st birthday party and wanted to beat up everyone at the party afterwards.

Hopefully this will be the last contact ever with him. 'Cause as Senora Byers says: "life's to short to hang out with assholes."

Bill Nye The Science Guy.

As i was watching tv tonight, i stumbled across Bill Nye the Science Guy. An old show i used to watch back in the day. And let me tell you, i still like watching this show. It's funny, entertaining, and educational. Maybe it's one of those nostalgic things for me, because i basically know everything that they're talking about. the episode tonight was about inventions. Either accidental, or on purpose. Anyways, bill nye rules.

My Phone.

I love my phone. People say to me "why didn't you answer your phone?" all the time. The answer is: because it didn't ring.

If my phone rings, and i hear/feel it, i'll answer. but if i'm in my room, there's probably a 15-20% chance that my phone won't even ring. It'll ring on your end, and it'll even go to voicemail. but it won't ring. It won't even know someone has called.

If you leave a voicemail, sometimes it'll beep at me saying i have a voicemail, but i have no clue when it was left due to there being no missed calls, or it never ringing.

Back when i was in a relationship, this caused a lot of problems cause she would think that i was avoiding her and not want to answer. I just hope people who call me and i don't answer realize this as what's happening. If you call me, and i don't answer... it's cause my phone isn't ringing, or i just can't hear it or feel it. and in this case, i'll see the missed call and probably call you back.... if i like you. And i like most people who have my number.

Girls.

Females. They're a different species. We all know this... women are from venus, men are from mars. and Mars being the most inhabitable planet next to earth, i'd say men are better, but i'm kinda biased. Anyways, i didn't come here to pick a fight. I came here to examine something i've come to notice about girls/women in general. Some girls more than others... but generally speaking, universal.

Girls hate each other.

They can pretend all they want, they hate each other.

There's a song that's popular now, it's even in a commercial on tv. It goes "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" Yes. i do. if i had a girlfriend. but i don't. This is a prime example of how they hate each other. Cause since this song has come out... i know every single girl (and some taken ones too) have at least thought that about some boy or another. you know why? cause they hate each other. And nothing says hate like seduction of a taken man.

"I know you like me (I know you like me)
I know you do (I know you do)
That's why whenever I come around
She's all over you
And I know you want it (I know you want it)
It's easy to see (it's easy to see)
And in the back of your mind
I know you should be on with me

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Don't you wish your girlfriend was fun like me "

A little arrogant too isn't it? Men compete for women on a more civilized manner. You both battle it out, and whoever wins, that's who wins... none of this secret sniper action. If the girl picks you, you win. that's the end of it.

As most of you women are reading this i can already tell what you're thinking.
"Girls are not a prize won by man."
Yes they are. if you think not, consider this.... Why do you think sports stars and movie stars marry supermodels? cause they're soul mates? i think not.

You might also be thinking, "I do not hate other women."
Well, you might not now, but you did. and you have. and you probably still do. you're just lying to yourself.

And my final point.... any women who are still unconvinced, let me ask you a question.... what exactly was your first thought about the pretty girl at the top of this article?

That's what i thought.

Norah Jones.

As i'm sitting here "thumbing" through Norah Jones' website... i've come to one conclusion. I Love Norah Jones.

I 've been saying it for a while... but seriously, i could listen to her music all day. everyday. and not even care... in fact, whenever one of her songs comes on random on my ipod or winamp, i usually start from the beginning and play all the music i have of hers. (which is just her 2 albums and a live version of "Don't know why" from her Leno performance.) I mean i feel all warm and fuzzy when i listen to her music. If i'm feeling angry or upset for any reason, i can put her on the winamp, and i'll just zone out and end up feeling better.

I have 2 ways to get out of a bad mood funk... playing my guitar, and norah jones.... and sometime when girls dressed up as batman yell into my window at 3am and scare the shit outta me does it too... but i don't have a team of batman-dressing-up-women on call for when i'm in a bad mood, so i can always rely on norah jones and/or my guitar.

Not to mention how fun it is to play the melodies that she sings on the guitar as a solo... that's fun... i think i'll do that now... yeah... i'll do that now.

Mom.

Should i be embarrassed that my Mom's blog has a higher readership/commentship than mine?

Bahston.

I went to Boston on Saturday. It was fantastic. I mean probably one of the best weekends i've had probably since being in vegas. Let me elaborate.

Thursday, 2 days till the show:
Jon, myself and Sean the douchebag drive home and i read The Da Vinci Code in the backseat with my ipod playing Norah Jones and Regan so i don't have to listen to anything Sean has to say. But i was in my own little world for 4 hours on the road reading my book. Once i got home, i directly went to the best place in the world... Chipotle. And it was fantastic. Exquisite. Then i basically watched tv the rest of the night.

Friday, 1 day till the show:
I wake up at around 1:30ish, hit the shower and walk downstairs to an empty house. My parents have gone to WV for Easter weekend. So i call up 15-20 friends for an all out party. We went and got a keg, and got hammered and decided to drive around town for a bit... just kidding people, i sat and watched tv all day. with yet another trip to chipotle because let's face it people, i was only going to be in town the rest of the day so i gotta get my fill while i can. Later on Mike comes by and we make some loud and abusive tunes for an hour or two... who knows. But we hung out and i taught him the Time solo again to refresh his memory. But after my fingers about wanted to fall off from bending strings we head upstairs and watch some tv. He's gotta work at 6:30 tomorrow, and i have to leave for boston at 6 tomorrow. So he heads out and i finally make it to bed. I also tell him to call me at 5:30 cause i need a team of experts to get me outta bed.

Saturday, BOSTON BABY!:
5 freaking 30. i roll outta bed and directly into the shower. This helps me wake up. By the end of the shower, i'm trying to control my excitement, but failing miserably. So i hop out, get dressed and get my things in order. Jon shows up and he is driving the first leg... this is the shock of the century cause jon never volunteers to drive. so i accept. We head straight to 7-11 for munchies and energy drinks. Tall boy amp. greatest creation ever. So we head towards 66 and it's raining. "This is not good," I thought to myself. Then we turn onto 66 and the clouds part and the sun comes out... Traffic parts, and we cruise toward boston with no traffic to slow us down... Lucky break we thought.... then about 2 hours later, still no traffic. 2 hours later... nothing. by this time it's my turn to drive and we're almost outta NJ. So we get breakfast and switch. No traffic. Magically, we make it to boston at 2:30. (By the way, GPS navigation systems make trips to places you've never been almost painless. Brilliant. better creation than tall boy amps.) We check into our hotel and head up to the room. The room is beautiful. 2 double beds, and they have like 4 throw pillows. (the more throw pillows, the better the hotel. trust me, it's the truth.) Jon takes a shower and we head off to get some food and some alcohol before the show at a local sports bar. We get in there at like 4, and get a table... This sports bar rules. A TV at every table. You can even pick what sporting event you wanna watch. awesome. So we sit down and order a celebratory Jager bomb. (not a good idea before dinner by the way.) But we get food, and we get more drinks. We drink until 6:30 and then head to the stadium which was just across the street from the bar.
So for the 1st show we were in the 4th row. we were closer than i thought we would be. These seats were freaking amazing. You might even see us on the hbo special laughing our asses off so hard that we were crying. Seriously. I'm wearing an orange shirt, you can't miss me if they put it in there. Come on HBO editors! Dane put on an incredible show. My face hurt when we left the first show.
So we leave the first show and try to get a drink before the 2nd show. but the bar is full. 1 in, 1 out. same with all the other places near the stadium. so we headed back to the stadium to get into the second show. It takes us forever to get into the stadium again... which is ok cause it started 45 minutes late. It gave us enough time to get some nachos and a coke, cause you have to be 25 or older if you have an out of state ID in the stadium to get beer. shitty rule, but we didn't care too much. So for the second show we were in the balcony, with a pretty decent view of the stage. Jon and i both agree that his second show was better... because by the end, my chest, mouth, jaw, and abs all hurt from laughing at basically the same jokes. He told the same stories, but with minor differences to keep them interesting enough. Plus, they were funny as shit so you can't help but laugh again.

After the show, we file out and go to a bar called "Boston's Greatest Bar." we go here cause we saw a billboard going into the show that said they had 3 bars and 4 floors, so there's no way it's gonna be full. We walk into this place, and let me tell you, it's not boston's greatest bar, i don't konw which one is, but i'm positive this one isn't it. It was blasting loud dance music, and had those lights that dance clubs have, but NO ONE was dancing. granted, there were a lot of girls, but it was loud and there were a lot of boston douchebags running around. so jon and i go up to the top floor and order a drink, but by the time we do that, it's 2 and the bar was closing, so we finished our drinks and decided to head back to the hotel.

We get back to the hotel and go directly to bed... HEAVEN. This bed is the most comfortable bed i've ever slept in. The sheets were 23,567 count sheets, there was a down comforter, and the pillows were heavenly. Jon and i didn't want to go to sleep cause the bed felt so comfortable. i mean it was the weirdest feeling in the world. Have you ever been in bed, but not wanted to go to sleep because the bed was TOO comfortable? i mean seriously folks... crazy.

Sunday, 1 day after the show:
So we get up at 10:00 and decide to enjoy the bed a little more while we watched some ESPN. We stroll outta bed around 10:30 and hit the road. The trip home had a little more traffic than on the way home, but we only stopped the car on the highway once, and that was in NY. And it was only like 3 or 4 minutes. we moved slowly, but we were moving. We make it to NOVA at around 6:30 if i remember correctly to pick up Sean. and once he gets into the car, it's IPOD and book time again. So i read the next 4 hours while he drove us back to the burg. and let me tell you... you know those people on the road that will tailgate someone and flash their lights to get them to move outta their way on the highway? Yeah that's Sean. He's a horrible driver and while i was trying to read in the back, every 3-4 minutes, he'd jerk the wheel during a turn and slightly startle me cause i'm paying attention to my book in my lap. ALL 4 HOURS OF THE TRIP. I mean, i'm not a confretational guy, so i didn't say anything, but i'm never riding with him ever again. i don't care what the circumstances are. I'll drive. Or walk. He is a horrible driver and that was the last time i ever want to see him again.

Well I finished my book on the trip and so i just listened to my ipod the next 20 minutes of the trip until i got into my apartment.

That's my story. I hope you enjoyed it.

I purposely avoided describing the actual show because it'll be an HBO special sometime and you all can see it for yourselves in the future. but if you wanna hear more about it just ask me.

"WHERE'S THE VAN?!?!!?! THE VAN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!"

Thank you Justin.

Justin came up with a brilliant idea. Play 10 songs on random on your ipod, and comment. Instant blog entry. So.... 10 songs on random on my ipod without fast forwarding..... GO!

1.) Phish - Golgi Apparatus
What a great idea for a song. Off of Junta, their first album... probably their weirdest album... which is weird because most bands start off with a calmer approach to their music and expand outward. But this album is all over the map. Not saying i don't like it, but seriously... only down part to this album is the 25 minute song of just nonsense called "union federal." what a load of crap. but the song contact totally saves it.
"I look into the finance box just to check my status. I look into the microscope and see Golgi Apparatus"

2.) Ari Hest - Consistency
Live version. All of Ari's songs go through transitions but this is an older version from 2002. This song has an added verse and new bridge since the new album came out. not as good as the origional version. This is a full band version though with the old bassist. He ruled... i can't remember his name. But he looked like high tower from the police academy movies with bob marley dreadlocks. always played barefoot, and always danced around... freaking awesome. and a baddass bassist ta boot. OH.... bass solo... i forgot about this. man... i miss old ari hest. I think there's a video online of the big guy dancing around sometime. Oh man, this version has the new verse, but not the new bridge, awesome. cause the new bridge is what sucks, and i'm just remembering that now. I bet this is gonna be hard to read. sorry about the constant change in thoughts... now onto the next song.

3.) Brothers Creegan - Scotch and Soda
This is from a live album i downloaded, i'm not too familiar with this song. But BC live rules. 3 really talented musicians playing a jazz/rock/weird music mix. kinda hard to explain them if you don't know anything about them. other than the fact that they both used to be in the barenaked ladies. After listening to this song halfway through... i like it. i'll probably listen to it the next time i hear it. I'm not expecting any of my favorites to come up next... since i have 3214 songs. but here we go...

4.) Goo Goo Dolls - Think About Me
From their live in buffalo album. These guys are pretty good, i'm not sure i like them as much live as i do in the studio, the lead singer changes the melody of the songs way to much to even recognize them. I mean some improv is alright but he doesn't even stay close to what is on the album. and with a band i don't love with all my heart, i kinda wanna hear the melodies of your song the way they should be sung. The best improv'er that i've heard and liked is Jason Mraz, he'll take one of his songs and make it a brand new song, and it'll rule. Just listen to "absolutely zero" on the album and the live album, and you'll understand what i mean. This GGD song is forgetable. thank god it's over.

5.) Paul Thorn - Ain't Love Strange
YES! I love this song. you should too.
"Down at Donnie's strip club, they all know my name, I can't get a woman so i sit down by the stage. I think Heather really likes me, she wiggles in my face, takes my forty dollars, turns and walks away. Ain't love strange."
Brilliant paul thorn. My new favorite songwriter. He has such a new approach to songwriting. I could write all day about why paul thorn rules. and one of the reasons is "I guess i'll just stay married." if you don't know what i'm talking about... please contact me, i'll introduce you to paul thorn the right way.

6.) Junior Brown - They Don't Chose to Live That Way
It's the southern old school country version of "we are the world." only it's just junior brown. no michal jackson, no lionel ritchie, no bruce springsteen. For those of you who don't know who junior brown is, he sang that old country song "highway patrol." I can't help but think about pawpaw when he comes on, cause he was a highway patrolman. or was he a state policeman? someone in my family will surely know. please comment and straighten me out.

7.) Paul Thorn - Lover's Vacation
i love paul thorn. This song is about him and his wife taking a weekend vacation together. Such a good love song with a great groove. one of those uplifting songs that you hear on the radio and you roll down your windows and just smile. Since i'm not in my car, i'll open my room window, turn the fan on. and i'll smile. I'm just gonna enjoy the rest of this song until the end. see ya soon.

8.) BNL - Tonight's Show
This is from Rick's Living Room. In between songs. this is a radio show taht they did back in 96 in some guy's living room. i think his name was rick. Not really a song. just mid song. funny.

9.) Brothers Creeggan - Whole Lotta Covers
Same show as before, this is a medly of different covers. 6 minutes worth. pretty funny. Jimi hendrix, scuse me while i kiss the sky. The next song is some rolling stones song. now they're singing paul simon's "diamonds on the sole of her shoes." These guys just pulled 3 part harmony outta nowhere. Awesome. didn't recognize that last song. (thanks pat... jerk.)

10.) Indigo Girls - Power of Two
From the 1200 Curfews live album. It's a radio interview of just the two of them. definitely my favorite song of theirs. This is the song that got me to like these girls. Not to mention that my friend nora beat them into me. Coincidence that she is gay? who knows, but i don't really care, cause i love nora and need to see her cause it's been seriously years.But anyways, indigo girls.... they really have the two part harmony down to an art. they really know how to bring out the best in a song.

Anyways, that's my 10 random. 2 paul thorns, 2 BC's, and indigo girls in a pear tree.



OH.....

11.) Justin - Peeping Tom
HAHAHAHAHA. This song rules. off his 3rd album Good as Wood.

"So won't you please stare at me so i feel normal?"

Chipotle and Me.

I like guacamole. no. i don't... i mean... i love guacamole. Anyone who has seen what i eat and what i have eaten in my career as a person knows, that i am usually not too open to suggestions when it comes to my food. granted i've been more "daring" these past 2 or so years. Then came along this little place known as the chipotle.

I didn't even like chipotle the first time i went there... ask cheryl... it's true... i was not all about it. And since that first burrito a lot has changed in my chipotle order. i will now outline my burrito lineage in chronological order.

1st favorite:
Torilla
Rice
Chicken
Extra Corn
::When i first went there, these were the only toppings that i knew i liked, so that's all i got on it. I tried all the selections of meat they have and i still like the chicken the best. I ate this burrito for a long time until one fateful day::

2nd variation:
Tortilla
Rice
Chicken
XCorn
Guac
::This particular day, i was in one of those "i'm a badass, i'm gonna try something green on my burrito. I'm not scared. Bring on the green." And so i did. "What is this heaven in my mouth?" Seriously, love at first taste. I will never go back. Now that i had tasted the glorious sauce of the heavens, i was feeling cocky about my burrito future::

3rd Variation:
Tortilla
Rice
Pinto Beans
Chicken
XCorn
Guac
::We're getting there. Beans were a good addition. I don't even like beans. never liked the texture. But these beans don't have that unusually hard skin that most beans have that i can't stand. they "melt' into the burrito with flawless consistency::

Final Variation:
Tortilla
Rice
PB
Chicken
XCorn
Sour Cream
Cheese
Guac
::I still don't know what sour cream tastes like but it's gotta be good cause it makes the burrito a lot better. Now some of you might notice that i put cheese in this burrito but none of the others. On my first staple burrito, the cheese overpowered the corn and the chicken. It doesn't on this burrito... cause each ingredient is like an equal and opposite member of the burrito family. Check Newton's 3rd law... i'll just say it here, no need to google it cause i am not making this up in any shape or fashion. "For every action there is an equal and opposite member of the burrito family that should be inside of a chipotle burrito." seriously... newton was a genius::

Which brings me to my next point. Don't smoke crack.

Sorry i had to... anyways... the reason that i tell you people this is for one reason. My ingenious plan for a new food. Seeing as how i love guacamole and burgers so much... why not mix the two and get a meal fit for kings. The Jeff Owens Guac Burger. Sounds great eh?

I recently went to the Red Robin that had opened up in christiansburg. While looking through the glorious menu i came across the most beautiful two words i've ever seen. "Guacamole Burger." THEY STOLE MY IDEA!!!! and by stole i mean came up with it first while i never recognized it. I odered this burger with no onions cause onions are the devil's favorite snack. it's a fact... just ask him. This was the greatest idea in burgers ever. my suspicion was right on the money. It totally works. I've ordered it every time i've been back. I can't NOT get it. While looking through the menu i saw the same burger but with chicken... i will try that one sometime soon. cause it's sounds delicious. That is all for now class. Anyone near a chipotle that wants to bring me one right now, i'd greatly appreciate it. You have my order.

Blogging.

I'm done blogging for today.


That's all.

Yay Guster.

I am writing this directly after the previous post, but it's a different topic that i want to get on "paper."

Guster has a new album coming out. They have had a new album coming out for 3 freaking years. remember my last article about it?

Well now Guster is slowly releasing material, and it's getting me so excited. I try not to get too excited about it cause it's just like torture... kinda like if you mention chipotle around me when i'm in blacksburg that i want to stab you in the jaw? Same feelings. But from the new material that they are releasing, i can't sit still about it... i gotta show everyone... and express my sheer and utter excitement for the rest of this album.

First go Here to listen to 2 of their new songs. One Man Wrecking Crew, and Manifest Destiny.
MD is freaking awesome... i'm in love with it already. OMWC is pretty good, i'm not as excited about it... but i'm still excited about there being new material.

The second place to go is here. There is going to be a documentary that shows video of them making this album... this is the coolest idea ever... Metallica did it once, and even though i'm not a huge metallica fan, being able to SEE what goes on when making an album is probably the best idea in the idea of documentaries. Anyways, these are the "trailers" to the documentary. it's called Joe's Place. I have guster's webpage as my homepage so i'm looking at their website 30-40 times a day... even if i'm just opening up my web-browser for something else. And if you're either of my brothers, you're surely the first to know when something is updated cause i usually say something to the effect of "guster has a new road journal"... or "check out the new joe's place videos"

My favorite promo is "all hands up." watching this 30 second clip of the song "Empire State" gives me the chills... This i would normally not say... but Tom said the same thing to me the other day, so i'm glad someone else gets similar feelings when they hear 30 seconds of a song.

"multi-tasking" is hilarious... didn't see that coming at all.

Yay Guster.


Damn them for taking so damn long.

Have a nice day.

Old TV.

Maybe it's just me... but i freaking love all the old shows that i used to watch as a kid. I will now compile a list of shows that i still watch almost anytime they're on tv.

The Fresh Prince of Bel Air- Who doesn't know the words to his theme song by heart? seriously. I've seen probably every episode of this show... maybe with a few exceptions, but i've seen a large amount. Nick at Night is now playing this... and it makes me feel like i'm getting old, cause when i was a kid, nick at night had i love lucy, and dick van dyke. now it's FPoBA. anyways... One of my favorite episodes is when Will and Carlton have to dance to win back money (Apache dance). Anyone who's been with me when i hear this song knows, i will do this dance no matter the situation. Steve's usually my partner in crime in completing the routine. Another episode: Carlton has a gambling problem. i think these two might actually be the same episode, but i'm not positive. They're different in my mind. "chillin out maxin' and relaxin' all cool..."

Home Improvement - The old favorite that Pawpaw used to love. Now i can't get enough of it. even in the later years when the middle sarcastic brother left the show and the younger son turned goth. This show still manages to make me laugh out loud. You could also call this show "Tool Time" and no one would know the difference... one of my favorite running jokes on the show is that everytime tim walks down the stairs of his basement he hits his head on that pipe. it doesn't happen every episode, but i can't help but bust out laughing when it does... key episode: Tim destroys Jill's car with a half ton beam.

Full House - This one i'm a little embarrased that i still watch... but can you blame me? I mean dave coulier rules... this is my brady bunch.... since i never really watched the brady bunch. The whole backstory of this show is one of the reasons that makes this show so interesting for me... think about it... a house with 3 adult males, raising 3 female children. could this be any more awkward? But they pull it off. Jessie might be a rocker... but he has a heart of gold... and we love him for it. It's funny that in the show they tried as often as possible to let jessie sing in the show, trying to boost John Stamos' music career. good job there producers. Jeff 1, Stamos 0. John Stamos married Rebecca Romijn. Jeff 1, Stamos 5,000. Touché Stamos, i bow down to thee.

America's Funniest Home Videos - This one isn't a sitcom like the previous shows, but this show still cracks me up. Granted, i can't watch the version with bob sagat as the host, i'm talking about the daisy fuentes version and that new guy who does it now... tom or something. Anytime there's a "30 face hits in 35 seconds" montage, i usually end up on the floor crying cause i'm laughing so hard. "25 hits to the crotch in 22 seconds." you get the drift. in fact.... check it... totally amazing.

Simpsons - This show rules. i don't even need to explain this. not to mention that it's been on the air for like 70 years.

Seinfeld - once again... another i don't even have to discuss.

Family Matters - this one to a lesser degree, i've seen a couple episodes in the past couple months... i'll only watch this if nothing else is on.

Knight Rider - This one isn't on as much, but when it comes on, chances are that i'll watch it... especially when i'm at home and it's HDTV. K.I.T.T. in HD... i love it.

Saved by the Bell - I really wish this show was on tv more... i'd SO watch it. tiffany amber theissen in high school... such a great reminder of what life used to be like.

I think that's it for now... unless i think of something else...

Side note: I'm interested about how much this list is different for my different brothers... seeing as we're 3 years apart from each other... any of you non-22 year old people feel free to comment.

Aeropostale.

I was strolling through the mall the other day, buying some pizza at Genarro's (which has better pizza than tony's.... i hate to say it... you hate to read it... but prove me wrong). Anyways, after lunch with jon, i decided i'd like to go into the Aeropostale. Those of you who don't recognize this name... just think american eagle, abercrobie and bitch, old navy... but this place actually has some good deals at times... (i.e. hoodies for $10, jeans for $15). Anyways, i walked into this store, and was greeted immediately by a very attractive female salesperson. This is how i remember the conversation going....

AeroPostaleSalesperson: "How are you today, can i help you find something."
Jeff: "I'm excellent, i'm looking for some jeans that are on sale."
APS: "Check these boot cut jeans, they're on sale this week."
Jeff: "These jeans have holes in them."
APS: "I know, that's the style nowadays."
Jeff: "Yeah, but they have holes in them."
APS: "They're on sale."
Jeff: "But they have holes in them."
APS: "Is there anything else i can help you find?"
Jeff: "Do you have any jeans that DON'T have any holes in them?"
APS: "I don't think so... let me check."
(couple minutes she returns from the back)
APS: "I'm sorry, all we have are jeans with holes in them."
Jeff: "Looks like i'm going to Sears."

I didn't actually say that sears line... I think i just walked out. you'll have to ask jon, i can't remember... i know i was shocked to the fact that a store was selling only jeans with holes in them. (Now i didn't go into the American Eagle that's right across from Aeropostale, but i figure since AE usually costs an arm and a leg, that there's no point in trying.) Now, who would of thought that someone would pay money for incomplete denim pants. Certainly not someone who knew there was going to be holes in their pants...

Which brings me to my next point. I own a pair of Jeans with holes in them.

I bought them.

On purpose.

But... to my defense.... they were folded... and i didn't unfold them. cause i assumed that jeans don't have pre-made holes. my mistake. I'm the idiot who didn't look over these jeans before i paid for them. But, to my ignorance, just to spite my horrible purchase, i've heard from a couple parties that the jeans look good, holes and all... so i guess i'm not opposed to them as much as i thought, cause i still wear them.

P.S. I'm still NEVER buying jeans with holes on purpose.